Trust

My new friend Peter Pollock hosted a Blog Carnival earlier this month. His topic was obedience. I didn't participate because I was really busy at work, had a sick child, and well, because I'm a slacker at managing my time when I'm overhwhelmed like I was at the time. But I digress.

Today, my other new friend, Bridget Chumbley is hosting a Blog Carnival. Her topic is Trust. And I'm participating! Shocking, I know.

If you'd like to be a part of this carnival or just read what others wrote about Trust, come on over to Bridget's blog and be a part of what we're doing.

Trust...

"It's a large and aggresive tumor. I'm sorry to tell you this, but children rarely survive this type of cancer. She won't survive another two years".

The doctor said that to my husband and I as she came into the consult room to give us an update on our 3 year old daughter's surgery. Earlier that morning, Peyton's CT scans showed a large mass on her right kidney. Surgery was immediately scheduled to remove the kidney and tumor and send them off for biopsy.

And in the moment of hearing the doctor's terrifying words, I thought, "This is it. My daughter is going to die and we are going to be destroyed".

The doctor kept talking about the surgery, the recovery, the stitches needed to sew Peyton back up after she was essentially cut in half, but I wasn't listening. I was praying. I asked God to not let Peyton suffer for the two years we had left. I asked God to not let this ruin our other daughter's life. I asked God to keep our marriage intact since many marriages wouldn't survive the death of a child...

Then, I was in a bubble of silence. There is really no other word to describe it, although over the last 5 years, I've tried to. I found myself unable to hear Lindsay and Dane's anguished cries and the doctor's monotone voice as she leveled our family with the news. Instead, I heard "Do not be afraid Marni. I will use this for My glory". I had never before (and haven't since) heard the audible voice of Jesus, but that day, I know I did. He told me not to be afraid. I decided in that instant to trust His words. He didn't tell me He would spare Peyton's life, but I still chose to trust. And peace that surpasses all understanding flooded into every crevice of my soul and body.

The next 5 years weren't without temporary bouts of fear. We dealt with high fevers, infection, severe weight loss and two very scary scans showing suspicious spots. But I trusted. I chose to set aside the fear and wait for God to carry out His plan and prepared myself to be an entrance for His glory.

Five years later, Peyton is still with us, still cancer free. To Him be the Glory!

* 15 months after hearing God's words, I was driving in a torrential storm on a busy Interstate. I turned on a local Christian radio station to calm my nerves as I prayed. A Casting Crowns song came on I'd never heard before. They sang, "the voice of Truth tells me a different story, the voice of Truth says 'do not be afraid', the voice of Truth says 'this is for My glory'". I cried and cried as I thanked God for His words that day I needed Him more than I ever had. I thanked Him for his affirmation, that although I didn't know what His plan was for Peyton, I should trust Him and never be afraid.

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13 comments:

katdish said...

BAWLING!!!

Sheesh! Your trust in God is evident and it permeates from you in wonderful, suprising ways.

That Casting Crowns song has been my battle cry thru some difficult days as well.

Billy Coffey said...

That? That was heartbreaking and hope-giving all at the same time. So good, Marni. And praising God for the work He's done in the life of your family.

Candace Jean July 16 said...

You really need to post a kleenex warning here. This was so touching, so tear-jerking, and I'm praising God right along with you for Peyton's healing.

Helen said...

I too am praising God that Peyton is fine, and that He gave you the reassurance you needed to offer tangilbe strength and support to your family.

Glynn said...

That story speaks to all of our hearts. Thanks for this.

Bridget Chumbley said...

Marni, I could barely finish reading this because my eyes are full of tears!

This story is full of hope, faith and trust!

Thank you so much for sharing it with us!

btw...love that song!

R. Holloway said...

Praise our Lord for your story...

Anne L.B. said...

Oh, Marni. I understand, truly. More than I can share here.

And He is glorified.

Nick the Geek said...

I think of all the times that I have been truly afraid and angry and they all revolve around the health of my children. I'm glad God is there with us when everything seems lost.

Rebecca on The Homefront said...

I'm breathless...I can't imagine the shock, the pain, the grief...and what amazing JOY for her to be cancer free five years later! Thank God!

~*Michelle*~ said...

I am slobbering right now....

What a testimony of faith and trust...I cannot imagine what you and your husband have/are going through with this battle....praise God for His faithfulness! May you continue to feel His healing hands surround you and your family.

Sarah Salter said...

Oh. My. Gosh.

I need a moment here to gather my composure...

What a testimony!

Okay, now I gotta find some Kleenex...

sherri said...

Thank God she is Cancer free- and yes, this is truly about trusting. When it comes to our children that would prove it- do we trust Him enough to handle something that affects THEIR life? You did. You do. You are inspirational Marni, and this story proves that He can be trusted will that that is most precious to us.