Things I Love...Things That Break My Heart, Part 3

When I was a college freshman, I attended a school known for it's country and cowboy roots. CMT (Country Music Television) was our preference to MTV. I often fell asleep to that channel so I could listen to music as I drifted into sleep. Dolly Parton (I heart her) performed this song live at the 1989 CMA awards and CMT began to promptly play it on their channel.

In 1989, I had many interactions with God, but no relationship with Him or His Son. One night, I had the TV on and was sound asleep. The TV volume was barely decipherable, but this song and video came on and I sat straight up in my bed and didn't move for the entirety of the song. Afterward I just cried and cried. But I didn't belive the song. I knew Jesus was alive, but I didn't believe I was forgiven. I just wouldn't let Him in because I didn't believe for one second God could love me as is and would change me if I let Him.

God woke me up dozens of nights to hear that song. CMT divinely played it, and I would wake up from a dead sleep and cry and cry. Lord, but I was dense not to see God was trying to talk to me.

I muddled through the next 7 years believing the lie that I couldn't be forgiven, and then Jesus showed up one day in a very undeniable and powerful way as I sat on my couch. Looking back, I can see that God used this song to talk to me and I just adore it. I listen to it at full volume in my car when I'm alone and when Dolly sings out "He's alive and I'm forgiven, Heaven's gates are opened wide" I cry and cry, but now it's because I know it's true :)


What breaks me heart? People who don't know our Jesus. This Easter season reminds me moreso that there are broken people all around me who harbor fear, anger, unforgiveness, shame, pride, and feeling alone and unloved...

"In their fright the women bowed down with their faces to the ground, but the men said to them, 'Why do you look for the living among the dead? He is not here; he has risen!' "

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Beth E. said...

Hi Marni,
I read your comment on Stacy's blog, and I have a totally unrelated question...HOW do you post a link in a comment? I noticed you had one regarding the Sham-Wow dude. I would love to be able to include links in my comments.

Any help you give would be greatly appreciated!

Now...I'm going to check out your blog! :o)


katdish said...

I'm so glad God used Dolly to speak to you. You are such an ambassador for Christ, and I love your heart.

I hope you had an amazing weekend. Kinda jealous of the pink pedicure, though. I was painting my ugly toenails right before church yesterday. My husband said, "You missed the pinky toe." To which I replied, "That one's not even going to show." (I'm such a guy sometimes.)