On My Heart...

So much has been consuming my heart lately, somedays I struggle mightily to process it all. I've narrowed it down to what I believe are 3 distinct areas:

1. I'm sending my firstborn off to college in 35 days. That in and of itself is enough to consume my thoughts. And in and of itself is making me very emotional right now...Did we teach her all she needs to know? Is she ready to handle the things life is about to throw at her? Will she make good choices? All the great unknowns of parenting are all boiling down to those 3 things. And they are consuming.

2. We are in search of a new church home. It'a painful thing to have to walk away from your church. It's even more painful when it's because you can't reconcile in your heart the damaging things going on within your church at the hands of God's people. One of the most painful things I've had to walk through is a church split. I have found myself comparing it to being a child of divorce. People you love can't be together anymore, there is tension in the home, no one is happy, and eventually, people you love go away and you don't see them daily anymore.

3. I have felt such a burden for my friend Nick and his work as a youth pastor. I belong to a wonderful community of like-minded prayer warriors who communicate on a daily basis. And Nick has been asking our community of warriors to keep his students in prayer for all kinds of heart-breaking problems they are facing. When I'm not consumed with my sadness over Lindsay moving away and leaving my church family, I'm consumed with praying for Nick, his students and his ministry.

And all 3 of those consuming things drive me straight into the arms of God everytime. For that I am grateful. What would I do without Him during these uncertain and burdensome times? What would I do without the faith and trust to know that even though I entertain fear and anger and sadness, that God is in full control and it will all work out to His glory? What would I do?

I've walked through seasons where my life is just shy of perfect and I've walked through seasons where I didn't know how I was going to take one more step. In both those seasons, I asked God not to let me forget what the other season was like so I will remember to trust Him in all times of my life. Right now, it's not a painful and gut-wrenching season, but I learned so much about God when times were very dark for me. Right now, I'm praying for all the things I've listed above, and I'm asking God to help me remember in the light, what I learned in the dark.

I know most of you who stop by this blog are fellow warriors. As you approach the Throne, will you keep my daughter, my church and Nick's ministry in your prayers? And in advance, Lord, thank you for going before us in these 3 situations and making clear a path of your will.

Until next time...



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Candace Jean July 16 said...

You have raised a beautiful daughter, Marni, and it's time to let her show you who she is - fearfully and wonderfully made. When I sent my first off to college, a friend gave me this poem:
are like
kites. You
spend a lifetime
trying to get them
off the ground. You
run with them until you
are both breathless ~ they
crash ~ You add a larger tail
~ they lift the rooftop. ~ You
pluck them out of the spout ~ you
patch and comfort, assure them that
someday they will fly! ~ Finally they
are airborne, but they need more string.
~ You keep letting the string out but
with each twist of the ball of twine
there is some sadness along with
the joy. The kite becomes more
distant and somehow you know
it will not be long before
your beautiful child will
snap the life line that
bound you together
and soar as he
was meant to

You will always be bound as a family, and even though she may make some choices you aren't fond of, God will be working in her to make her into the woman He wants her to be. But I'll admit, I used to love it when they got homesick :)

I, too, pray for Nick's youth. When I read his posts I feel his pain and helplessness with those kids. I've spent lots of time on my knees myself this week. You'll be in my prayers.

katdish said...

Aw, Marns! I know that's gotta be tough. It's a little terrifying to think about my son going away to college, and I know it won't be long. The church thing? I get that too. Child of divorce? Very good analogy, and I know of what I speak.

And despite how much I tease him, I pray for Nick as well, because I know he's attempting to make a difference in those kids' lives.

Praying with you and for you.

On a somewhat unrelated note: Is is just me, or does the shape of Candy's poem remind you of anything? Just curious...

Leaving now...

Candace Jean July 16 said...

oh yeah, perhaps Annie would like that in her comment section?

Helen said...

Yeah. Nick's work with his youth is very important.
I am confident that you did an excellent job raising your daughter, and that she knows to turn to God at all times.
Your Church situation...is this the same Church you work at? That has to be tough.
Praying for all three situations.

Danny Burch said...

So.. Danny's curious.. also, I always have an open ear

Marni said...

Candy, that was so sweet. You've of all people know what it's like to send a child out into the world. Thank you for your prayers.

Kat...um yeah...I see what you see! ;-)

Helen, I don't work for my church, so it's all good.

Danny, I sent you an email. Let's talk that way okay?