Chronicles of Marnia

Trip to Seattle, 2011

2011-09-23T11:14:00.000-07:00

In early September, my husband and I loaded up a rented RV with my very pregnant sister, her husband and their 3 dogs. We embarked on a fun road trip from Dallas, TX to Seattle, WA to move my sister and brother in law to their new home. Click on the pictures to see our trip.

My sister is due really soon with she and Greg's first baby, little Sophie Juel. Enjoy these pics, because from here on out, this blog might very well be all about the baby :-)

The Summer of Suck

2011-08-30T12:55:00.000-07:00

I'm 99% sure I called last summer the same thing...but I'm too beat down to go back and look at my blog. That's how suckish this summer was. Let's recap, shall we?

--I took a new job in October. Yay for more money.
--At the beginning of summer, the City of Dallas gives an across the board pay cut. Hubby's pay cut takes up all of my new job pay raise...and then some. Like, to the tune of $20,000.
--The same broke City of Dallas builds decorative suspension bridges from South Dallas to downtown Dallas. I now glare menacingly at them as I drive past them and think "Oh, those paycut bridges are just lovely"
--Lindsay moves home for the summer. I love her. She loves me. But when an "independent" kid moves back home with her parents, it ain't all sunshine and roses. We made it. No blood was shed. God is good.
--My new job requires dealing with hostile people. I'm the senior manager, so all complaints funnel through me. I start to believe humanity is more stupid than I feared.
--I inherit a new cat. Existing cats become distressed. One manifests stress in puking on the ONLY rug in my house, daily (couldn't aim for the hardwoods...Heaven forbid) Other cats manifests stress in peeing on my bed pillows
--After months of telling us "everything is fine", daughter's college Financial Aid department informs me "we lost all your paperwork. Start over. And hurry or she'll lose her schedule and her housing".
--For 2 weeks in a row, I've worked 11 hour days
--Daughter starts new school. Uniforms are required. They tell me the wrong colors (WTF??)
--I return wrong colors, and my mom graciously buys right colors. Half don't fit. Sigh.
--Money gets ridonkulously tight as our house payment jumps a little too high for our liking and we are paying for college classes for summer
--DFW (Dallas/Ft Worth Metroplex for those of you not living here) sees 64 straight days of over 100 degree temps
--It hasn't rained a drop since May
--My lawn dies. Then my bushes die. The flowers never had a chance
--My foundation begins to crack and my sidewalk leading to the front door sinks. Now I'm waiting for visitors to catch their toes on the now-elevated porch and take a header into my front door
--People are SO cranky because of the heat (see above about hostile people I deal with at work)
--Hubs is told he's being transfered back to patrol. He's been a recruiter/background investigative detective for 6 years
--City of Dallas says "Haha. Just kidding. Stay in recruiting" but then don't give him anything to do since the suspension bridge money keeps them from being able to hire new officers. He can't stand not having work to do.
--Hubs is now stressed at work. I start to take on his stress. I'm supportive like that.
--My pregnant sister announces she and her husband are moving to Seattle :(
--I'm burning out on a particular ministry at church. I want to drop out, but guilt prevents me. Guilt is a fun emotion.
--Youngest daughter starts youth group and jr high. I wonder where my baby went (see previous post)
--My faith feels weak...almost non-existent. It's not like me. Depression sets in. Anger sets in. I stop talking to God

It has been a bad summer

But...

God knew all of this was coming. He took the path before me. He walked it beside me. He even kept walking beside me when I spiraled to a dark place and stopped talking to Him. He let me cry and yell at Him for feeling so distant. He let me struggle. I didn't see why at the time, but I see it more clearly now. A sweet friend gave this to me when the struggling hit its peak--A demon blocked Daniel's prayer for 3 weeks until the angel, Michael, removed the demon so Daniel could speak to God. The obstacle in the way of Daniel's prayer had to be removed before God could receive or answer. You sometimes have to determine what the obstacle is before it can be removed.

In my heart, I knew I was the obstacle. I never doubted that. But not until a recent sermon from my sweet pastor, Rodney, did I realize the extent of my obstacle. He preached to us on Luke 15--The Prodigal Son. Rodney just slayed me as he talked about the older son in the parable. The older son who resented his brother being welcomed home. The older son who had done all God asked of him and felt he should be rewarded. Here's where it got ugly (I wrote it down, lest I forget)

Rodney "In my years of pastoring, I'll never forget this moment. I sat across the desk from a woman who sought my counsel. She was in tears and deep grief over her son who was running from God. He made very bad choices that had huge consequences and his mother was so distraught. She looked me in the eye and said 'Why did this happen? I raised my son in church, taught him God's word and lived what I believed. Why is God letting this happen to my son?'

As clear as if He were sitting in Dane's chair beside me, God said to me "Why do you think I owe you? You're angry and sad because you think I'm not allowing circumstances to keep you happy. But why do you think I ow e you that?" It was gut-wrenching and I just dissolved to tears. Like the sobbing, ugly cry you don't ever want to do as you sit on the front row of your church. But that's how bad I felt that I was saying to the God of the universe, "I'm so pissed that we're struggling for money, it's too hot and people are rude to me on a daily basis!
Suddenly as if God were replaying this summer for me, it occurred to me that deep in my heart, I had decided that my bad times in life were when cancer came at us, and since that's long over now, then God "owes me" a smooth sailing life from here on out. Wow.

I think this summer was so God could weed out the thoughts in my heart I wasn't allowing Him access to. I think He needed me to see that the older son carried as much sin as the Prodigal Son because the older son felt God was indebted to him for his good works and attitude. Wow.

I'm still reeling from the summer. Things are slowly (but surely) mellowing out and I'm now capturing the dark thoughts to the glory of God. It's still hot (like center of the sun hot people!!), people are still rude (but somehow if I smile at them anyway, they get sweet. Go figure) and God has faithfully pulled us from the money pit. And my heart? Well... I'm talking to God again. And I am: "pressed but not crushed, persecuted, not abandoned, struck down, but not destroyed". I'm remembering it "rains on the just and the unjust". I'm recalling "It is because of His mercies we are not consumed. And because His compassion never fails, it is new every morning--Great is His faithfulness"

Amen and amen.

Where did my baby go?

2011-08-22T08:17:00.000-07:00

Today Peyton started 6th grade. Yesterday she was "promoted" from Children's Church to Youth Group. And since then I've been asking myself...where did my baby go?

This was my little sunshine years ago when God handed her over to us after many years of waiting on her...

Here she is living past when the doctors told us she would...but God had other plans!

And here she is this morning. One of my two best gifts from God. Does she look ready to take on the world or what?

But still...where did my baby go?

I've been everywhere man...

2011-06-24T12:07:00.000-07:00

It sucks to be me right now. But I'm opting (today at least) not to dwell on it. Instead I'm finding things to look forward to. For instance...

Late this summer, my family and I are embarking on a cross-country trip. I plan on taking kabillions of pictures and thoroughly enjoying every second of our journey. I'm even making a stop to see my awesome friend Annie. Can't wait!!

As I pondered, it reminded me of this cute little song that became quite popular in Texas a few years back.

I was totin’ my pack along the dusty Amarillo road

when along came a semi with a high and canvas covered load.

“If you’re goin’ to Amarillo, Mack, with me you can ride,”

and so I climbed up in the cab and then I settled down inside.

He asked me if I’d seen a road with so much dust and sand,

and I said, “listen, bud, I’ve traveled every road in this here land...”

CHORUS:

I’ve been everywhere, man,

I’ve been everywhere, man,

I’ve crossed the deserts bare, man,

breathed the mountain air, man,

of travel I’ve had my share, man,

I’ve been everywhere.

I’ve been to Waco, Hico, Hondo, Navasota,

Winnsboro, Jacksboro, Hillsboro, Santa Rosa,

Austin, Houston, Galveston, Texarkana,

Frisco, Buffalo, Conroe, Corsicana,

Goliad, Groesbeck, Glen Rose, Red Oak,

Post Oak, Live Oak, Lone Oak, no joke...

REPEAT CHORUS

I’ve been to Krugerville, Pflugerville, Van Horn, Val Verde,

Brackettville, Bartonville, Beeville, Bulverde,

Bear Creek, Cedar Creek, Mill Creek, Mineola,

Maypearl, Monahans, Telephone, Tuscola,

Redwater, Round Rock, Round Top, Round Lake,

Sour Lake, Southlake, Springlake, for Pete’s sake...

REPEAT CHORUS

I’ve been to Greenville, Gatesville, Gainesville, Alameda,

Kerrville, Kellyville, Bastrop, Benavides,

Somerville, Smithville, Stephenville, Prairie View,

Luckenbach, Longview, Plainview, Idalou,

Justin, Junction, Panorama, Pasadena,

Angelina, and Lorena...see what I mean-a...

REPEAT CHORUS

I’ve been to Valley Mills, Pine Mills, Dime Box, Duncanville,

New Home, New Hope, New Deal, Liberty Hill,

Rockport, Rock Creek, Bridgeport, Brownwood,

Cleburne, Comanche, Cut & Shoot, Cottonwood,

Bayview, Bayside, Baytown, Bay City,

Falls City, Center City, Bridge City, what a pity...

When it comes to travelin’ Texas, friend,

I’ve been everywhere.

So many of these little towns I've visited, drank the best Dr Pepper in, lived in, went to college in, fell in love in, raised babies in...it's been a good few minutes of reflection and suddenly, I feel a little better about life :-)

Rally to Restore Unity

2011-05-02T14:38:00.000-07:00

I'm a very recent fan of Rachel Held Evans...thanks to my blogger buddy Matt. Rachel is doing the coolest. thing. evah.

Click here to see all about it. And in the meantime, here's my eensy contribution...

Oh, how He loves...you!

2011-04-21T11:03:00.001-07:00

He really does love you. He even did this for you:

Happy Easter. He is risen, indeed!

I miss satellite radio so much...or, why Dave Ramsey is the boss of me

2011-04-11T09:15:00.000-07:00

The good news: We don't have any credit cards, so no credit card debt. Yay us.
The bad news: We are rapidly accruing student loan debt and still owe $40,000 in medical bills for Peyton's treatment. Boo us.

Enter Dave Ramsey. And I love Dave. I really, really, really do. But man. He is wrecking my swag.

To know me is to know I don't like to be bossed around. I let God boss me around, annnnnd that's about it ;-) But now, Dave Ramsey is the boss of me. Sigh.

Dane and I did a hard core evaluation of our money situation. We've spent the last 6 years having a love/hate relationship with our checking account. We were the couple that did it right. We have college degrees, well paying jobs, lived within our means, saved for college for our girls. Then cancer showed up. It wiped us out financially. We spent college money on chemo. And we were (are) seriously bothered that our planning was all for nought when it came time to pay for Lindsay's education. And we felt stuck. And we felt angry. And we felt fearful. And we began to take on student loan debt to the tune of $20,000 a year.

Then after some wonderful and wise sermons from our dear pastor Rodney, and some serious prayer and listening to God, we knew we were being called to rid ourselves of debt.

I bought this amazing book and got to reading:

I knew we had our answer from God. I can tell you we aren't doing ALL of the things Dave recommends (neither of us is getting a second job because we have a child to raise and she needs us more than we need to rid our debt) but most of his other stuff, we're all in. And at first, it was a snap.

Then Dave started to boss me about the "extras" we spend our money on. He took shots and my bi-weekly manicures, my grocery spending...and my satellite radio.

RIP dear friend. I love you and miss you:

Dave bossed me until I gave up my satellite radio. I cried. I'm embarassed to admit that, but I actually sat in my car and cried. I love my satellite radio. I'm a commercial snob, so Sirius completed me. I could listen to brand new Jesus music, old 80's hairband tunes, and Top 40 country. It made me so happy. It also cost me over $250 a year.

But here's the thing. I've learned to enjoy (read: not love) public radio. It's free and it will do. But man, Dave is so the boss of me.

I also got on board with my sweet internet buddy Jon, and he and Dave showed me how to spend grocery money responsibly. Bless them. That didn't hurt at all, so Dave can be nice too.

I'm still getting bi-weekly manicures though. Rome wasn't built in a day.

The good news: According to Dave, we'll be debt free in 6.10 years. That. Includes. Our. Mortgage. 9 years ahead of schedule. God is amazing. So is Dave Ramsey :-)
The bad news: There isn't any. God is setting us free. How awesome is that?

Spring Break!

2011-03-28T13:55:00.000-07:00

We had such a great Spring Break. I don't have a single photo to post. Dane took our camera swimming in Lake Fork several weeks ago and we currently have nothing to photograph memories with. But I'm a resourceful woman. Since I don't have photos, I'll just tell you about our week and post fake pictures. Just pretend it's us. This will be fun! Really!

Part of why this was such a great Spring Break is that I haven't actually had one in years. God bless Higher Ed for hiring me, then giving me a week off. Bliss. Except that I spent my Spring Break in a lakehouse house full of college students. I can't seem to escape them. Lindsay brought 6 friends who tried very hard to eat us out of house and home ;-)

My awesome in-laws bought us Jet Ski's for Christmas and we promptly broke them in on lake Granbury this weekend. Collectively, we put over 60 hours on 2 Jet Ski's in less than 6 days. Yep, we wore them out and had a blast doing it.

(Man, I look GREAT on a jet ski. I even look blonde. Who knew?)

The fishing wasn't good. Poor Lake Granbury is fighting with Golden Algae right now. The fine Aggie's from Texas A&M are currently studying the how's and why's. Reports state the algae claimed as many as 240,000 fish :-(

We took everyone out for great food at a Japanese Steak house. It was a blast watching our chef create food art, right in front of us.

My very dear friend, Stephanie, and I helped pump the local economy with some power-shopping trips!

(WOW! I look better shopping than I do on a jet ski)

Of course there were romantic nights on the dock watching the sunset with Dane. Very relaxing, I must say.

Mani's and pedi's made for a relaxing time too!

Yes, it was a great week!! Now if you'll excuse me, I gotta head on over to Amazon.com and buy a new camera. I'm open to suggestions. And if you know of any water-proof ones, lemme hear from you.

Yeah, I'm back

2011-02-11T08:10:00.000-08:00

Today's post is both a PSA and a rant. In the words of my blog-rockstar friend Katdish, sorry/you're welcome.

First, the PSA. I find it my duty to share funny blogs when I find them. Here are my two recent finds (although they've likely been around forever)

This One (yeah, I left the name off...this is a G rated blog) and Parents Shouldn't Text. Now this may be a G rated blog, but the two I just listed...aren't. But OMGoogle, they are stinkin' hilarious. They are also the reason I haven't drank the iPhone Kool-Aid yet and will stick it out with my Blackberry thankyouverymuch.

And now...the rant.

So did you see the news today about the public school teacher who blogged about her students? She didn't name names, but her comments on her (personal) blog have set off a firestorm. I don't condone name calling. It doesn't generally produce any change in behavior or attitude. But this isn't a rant about the teacher busting on her students in cyber-world. It's about the way the administrators are flipping out and how the students have developed a holier-than-thou attitude.

I don't know about the rest of you educators out there, but I am seeing an alarming trend of behavior with our younger generations. They aren't all like that, so hear me on that. But some students I deal with day in and day out sometimes exhibit some highly unrealistic expectations of how they should be treated by others around them (read: entitled). And they don't always respond well to being told "no". Maybe the teacher felt that as well and "lost it" as she blogged? Could be.

And I don't know about the rest of you parent's out there, but I'm not raising my daughters to assume they have the God-given right to never be offended. I console them when people treat them harshly or hurt their feelings, and when it's appropriate, I intervene. However, this world is full of jerks. To assume it isn't, is naive. To teach my daughters they are allowed to go through life without being offended, is simply setting them up for failure.

So here is where those two points converge...for me, at least.

--The administrators should come down on the teacher if she violated school or district policies. However, if the reason behind her suspension is because she actually called a spade a spade, well...I take issue with that. In an ideal world, the teacher would have kept her rants to an appropriate audience (spouse, friends, therapist). Writing out your feelings is a superb idea. Hitting "publish"...not so much. But was she wrong in being critical of students who have a history of rudeness, laziness and disrespect in her classroom?

--According to one article I read, some students created a Facebook page called "I'm a victim of Ms. Munroe". And they rant about her. Ironic much? They are upset she called them out for being rude, lazy and disrespectful. And if they weren't those things, by all means, be irritated at being called something you're not, but then get over it since you know it's not true. But if they are true, is it truly okay to throw fits and demand she not say and think such things about you? Administrators and parents: are we doing these kids any good when we teach them that people who speak out against them, will be punished (they are threatening to fire her). Is that the kind of lesson we want to give kids? Maybe we've already taught them that and that's why some youth I see and Ms. Munroe sees, behave as they do? Maybe? Thoughts?

Dancing in the Minefields

2010-10-21T08:55:00.000-07:00

This blog entry is for an audience of one (but of course the rest of you are welcome to be blessed by the song)

Dane, I heard this in the car this morning on my way to work, and I cried until the mascara was long gone.

How fitting this song describes our engagement and marriage. My word, but we have danced through the minefields these last 20 years, haven't we? And since our Jesus, the center of our amazing marriage, saw fit to send me to sail through the storm, only with you in the boat with me did I make it safely to shore.

I have loved you since I was a bratty college kid. Why you chose me, I'll never know, but thank God you did. I love that when you sit on the couch with me and hold my hand, you still make my heart flutter and my stomach jump excitedly like you did the day we met. I love these babies we've been blessed with. I love how you are my best friend.

I love you eternally...literally :-)

m

September--my month of smiles, my month of tears

2010-09-27T06:47:00.000-07:00

We're slowly winding down September, which is officially Childhood Cancer Awareness Month. September always brings me lots of good memories--Peyton was declared in remission on September 16, 2004. But September brings me some painful memories--Our sweet Courtney took a huge turn for the worse right after Labor Day in 2005.

Peyton and Courtney, October 2004

After Jesus called Courtney home, this song helped me. A lot. And some days, I never thought I would get through it (note that I said through it, not over it)...

And all though my family and I will never be over losing Courtney

and Griffin

And Elisha

And way too many others...Kelsey, Kennedy, Jorge, Andy, Lauren, Alexis, Micah...

This month, God gave me a new song. He's just awesome like that :-) I hope it gives you peace like it does me. I especially love the part where she says no hurt comes to us that doesn't pass through God's hands first. He's in charge of it, before I ever feel it. I love that about our God. I really, really do.

As always, if you want to help fund research for cures and less toxic cures for children, please go to Curesearch.org and jump in to help.

When You're Holding a Hammer (Everything Looks Like a Nail)

2010-09-15T12:09:00.000-07:00

Their lives in 3 words

2010-09-07T09:17:00.000-07:00

September is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month

And did you know...

...36 children will be diagnosed with cancer today?

...7 of them will die today?

...cancer is the #1 disease killer of children under the age of 18?

...some of the deadliest forms of cancer on earth, only go after children?

...those cancers (Neuroblastoma, Rhabomyosarcoma, brain tumors and Ewing's Sarcoma) only have a 30% cure rate?

...children who survive cancer, (thanks to chemo and radiation) have a high chance of cancer recurrance within 10 years because chemotherapy and radiation causes cancer?

...if cancer comes back, the cure rate drops by half?

...children who survive cancer almost always suffer from learning disabilities, impaired motor skills, memory function issues, hearing loss, bone loss and fertility issues (my daughter has all of these)

......The largest cancer funding organizations in the world only give 5% (or less) of their funding to research children's cancer?

Would you like to help change all this? Good. Here's how.

Curesearch.org
Team Connor
St Jude Hospital (They share research knowledge with hospitals all over the world)

I feel a rant coming on...

2010-08-31T10:16:00.000-07:00

I'm a proud alumni of a thriving University. I heart it so much, I sent my oldest daughter there too. She just began her Sophomore year.

As all parents try to do, we scrimped and saved a college fund for her. And in one (literal) day, wiped out the account paying for Peyton's radiation. These things happen. This rant isn't about being broke (although, that's tempting).

No...this rant is about Financial Aid. A beast I never intended to face since my husband and I were hoping to pay for our children's education ourselves. You know who is a bigger beast than Financial Aid? The Financial Aid office at my daughter's school.

I consider myself to be of average intelligence (Higher intelligence in spelling, how to drive properly, politeness and making great coffee. Below average in hand-eye coordination, Guitar Hero and working a weed eater. That averages out to average intelligence, no?) Anyway, I thought an average person could navigate something like Financial Aid. I think I'm wrong. I'm pretty sure it's run by the same people who write the IRS codes. But, I read, I fill out, I double check my work, and I get it done. It's the only shred of Type A in me, but it's fierce.

My daughter's Freshman year, I could see how establishing a new Financial Aid account was going to require me to jump through various hoops, and trust me, I did. But I expected this year to be smoother (note: smoother, not smooth). I. Was. Wrong.

I filled out all the loan apps for the 2010-2011 year in May. I was given a verbal gold star by the Financial Aid ~~mouth breathers~~ staff for getting the paperwork in early and completely. Yay.

Yesterday, I called to see why her loan money had not been dispersed so she could purchase her books. They said, "what loan"? Hmmm.

I give ~~moron~~ staff member # 1 (all told, I would talk to 4 before the day was out) the loan number, daughter's name and social security number.

Staff 1: "Nope, we have no record of a loan. Will you be paying her tuition by check or credit card. It's overdue now you know".

Me: "What do you mean there is no loan? I'm on the financial aid section of your website, logged in and I can see it.

Staff 1: "Well, okay. There is a loan, but you haven't signed the MPN (Master Promissory Note). Log in, digitally sign in and call us back {click}.

So I log in. MPN is signed already (Type A). Duh. I call back.

Me: "Hi. I was just talking to someone about my daughter's financial aid and was told the MPN wasn't signed. Then I was (AHEM) disconnected. I logged in. It's signed. Can you tell me the hold up in disbursing the loan?"

Staff 2: "We have no record of a loan for that student"

Me: Facepalm. Twice.

I essentially have the same conversation with her. I hang up and call the loan originator. They tell me beloved school is crazy. Loan has been signed off on since May and is ready to be disbursed. They even give me detailed directions to give the staff on how to find the loan on their system.

I call Financial Aid office again:

Staff 3: "Well the loan is here. We can see it. It's been signed, but your daughter didn't mail in her letter. We're about to drop her schedule, so you need to take care of that."

Me: "Yes she did. I stood over her while she wrote it and I mailed it myself. I even sent it certified mail and had you sign for it. And you did."

Staff 3: "Oh. Well she didn't sign her contract. That's the holdup"

Me: Head hitting the desk "YES SHE DID. I mailed that too. And had you sign for it. And you did"

Staff 3: "Oh. Hang on a minute" {click}

I call back. Now I have a headache from clinching my teeth. I have pits in my palms from digging my fingernails into them.

Staff 4: "Is your daughter on campus right now Mrs. White?"

Me: "Yes, unless you kick her out" and then I laughed weakly to show I still can be charming. She didn't notice.

Staff 4: "I show she signed the contract and we received it, but it's missing. Would she mind coming down and signing it again and then I promise we'll disburse the money. I apologize for this. Really".

Me: "She'll be there in 30 seconds. Maybe sooner. Thank you so much for your willingness to help me and knowing how to get this solved. You are my island of competency is a sea of stupidity. Where can I send your fruitbasket to?

Staff 4: SNORT! (She honestly snorted when she laughed).

(Here's my rant to my ~~formerly~~ beloved University. Brace yourself).

Do you have any idea how hard it is for a parent to let their child move out of the safety of the home and off to a college campus? We are trusting you with a child. Not an account number, a CHILD. Do you have any idea how much debt we're putting ourselves in to pay for college? Do you think when a parent calls and needs your guidance, you can pretend to care and be competent and help?
I looked you all up on the school website. You are adults, not student workers. Some of you have been there for more than 15 years. Are you still training for your job or have you simply forgotten you should still be in the business of customer service?

I can imagine how many hostile people you deal with in a day. I imagine the phone ringing off the hook makes you want to update your resume and head for the hills. BUT. I did my part correctly and before the deadline. I'm handing over my baby and thousands and thousands of dollars. As a trade to that, couldn't you just key in information quickly and correctly as it came in? And when you can't, can you take the time to stay on the phone with me until we are both satisfied our issue is fixed? Do you realize you created this same angst-ridden situation last semester and the semester before that? At what point can I decide you know what you're doing and will do it?

Next semester, I'm ready. I'm going down there in person, and I'm taking my friend Candy with me. Her motto is: They eventually figure it out, but need to demonstrate incompetence first. Ugh. Spoken like a true veteran. Plus, she's a nurse, so she can administer CPR to me when they nearly give me a coronary incident.

All because of a Maytag Atlantis...

2010-08-05T07:50:00.000-07:00

Juxtaposition (noun): two objects or situations that oppose one another

Last week, I had the pleasure of attending the Echo Conference in Dallas. It was all about taking our creativity and technical knowledge and using it to echo the Gospel.

I don't think I've ever been in a concentrated space with that many Macbooks, iPhones and iPads before. And although my Twitter account is two years old, I spent more time on Twitter reading the #echo10 hastags in one week than I've collectively spent on Twitter in those two years. I drank gallons of $3 coffee and fought off gadget-envy all week. In other words, I found myself briefly living in the glamorous world of high tech, Toms shoes, and all things Apple. (It was a great conference. I learned a lot and I'm still processing it all and how to use it in my job and at my church.)

Saturday, my dryer decided it had enough of this life and died an untimely death. (It was only 7 years old. This is where I want to rant about sucky products that don't last decades like they used to, but I'll spare you). My youngest had just gotten home from camp and I was staring down 9 loads of laundry...and no dryer. To say I was annoyed and whiny, is a mild understatement.

After church on Sunday, I skipped my Sabbath Nap (which my friends and family know, I take VERY SERIOUSLY), loaded up 9 loads of laundry into my car, and Peyton and I headed to the local laundromat.

All the way there, I was just dreading the experience. Laundromats are crowded and not always clean. I'm a mild germaphobe (okay, a major one. I'm like Monk. But worse) and using public washers and dryers was freaking me out. And this is what I'm most ashamed of...what if creepy people were there? I was not looking forward to spending time there.

As I pulled into the parking lot, one last thought popped into my head...what if Peyton feels embarassed about being here? Right about that time, God had enough of me. My heart was suddenly filled with the conviction of thinking I was too good to be at the laundromat. Ouch.

In less than 24 hours I went from dreams of an iPad or Macbook, to standing among 20 or so people who probably would be thrilled to just have a washer and dryer in their home. I was humbled. And embarrassed at my attitude. Here I was temporarily inconvenienced for one day, while most of the people around me did his weekly.

Shaken smooth out of my brattiness, I began engaging with people. So did Peyton. She saw a friend from school and they sat giggling over BBQ chips from the snack machine. One sweet lady helped me with the soap dispenser that I didn't understand. One man gave me advice on which dryer was better for towels and sheets. Another kind lady told me Monday afternoons were the best days to come since the crowds were low. They were their own little community, and they welcomed me in.

Strangely, I'm not in a huge hurry to buy a new dryer. I think God needed me to learn a little humility, so I am. Maybe next week, we'll get a dryer. But until then, I look forward to another Sunday afternoon at the Wash it Kwik.

PS--Happiest of happy birthdays to my great friend Kathy. When (if) I grow up, I wanna be just like you ;-)

Mark 8:36

2010-07-26T09:50:00.000-07:00

This is my youngest daughter's favorite song right now. We play it over and over in the car. And it's such a great song to help her understand What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul?

Thank you, Lord, for the means to show her (and me, when I need reminding) that nothing of this life is of worth, without You in it and all things I consider rubbish, that I might gain You.

Feathers From My Nest

2010-07-13T07:12:00.000-07:00

Twelve years ago today, God gave this earth Griffin Yarbrough.

Griffin was the epitome of energy, happiness and bravery. At two years old, Griffin was diagnosed with Stage 4 Neuroblastoma--cancer of the central nervous system.

He fought hard. His parents fought hard. And he still was the epitome of energy, happiness and bravery.

I met Griffin face to face on July 1, 2004. I'd be corresponding with his mother Monique via email for a few months. We met through our kids' Caring Bridge pages. I read that her family was moving to Texas from California. I reached out to her as one scared cancer mom to another and a friendship was born that still remains today. Griffin began treatment at Children's Medical Center where my daughter was treated and the day I walked into the triage room in July and saw Griffin for the first time, I knew I'd love him forever.

On January 3, 2005 I laid in his hospital bed with him all day as he was preparing to go to Heaven. We talked about Jesus, we talked about angels, and we talked about being healed from cancer. Early the next morning, he closed his eyes to needles, blood draws, radiation and blindness, and opened them to a promise, High and Lifted Up.

Here is an excerpt of a blog post I wrote after his passing...and Happy Birthday little man. I miss you and I love you. Don't forgot to save me smile and an angel's feather...

I’ve been reading a wonderful book called “Feathers From My Nest”. It’s by a remarkable woman of God named Beth Moore. I’m a huge fan of her Bible studies so I picked this book up about a month ago and began reading. The book is a reflection of Beth’s life from the perspective of a mother whose children have left the nest.

Today, I began reflecting on the feathers from my nest…and bear with me as you read this. For many, this may not make much sense. Courtney and Griffin were not bore from my body, but they were my children. God released love in me for these two sweet souls that I could never have imagined. And long before I was ready, they left my nest. But they left behind such precious feathers that I walk through my house and pick up and marvel over. Let’s start with Griffin’s feathers:

We put wood floors in when Peyton was in treatment. We were desperate to rid our house of carpet because it harbors bacteria and germs are a nightmare in a child with no immune system. As a blessing, the house looks really nice, but that’s not what impressed Grif. Griffin’s first feather in my nest was that he walked in to our home the first time and told me that wood floors are the best floors to hip-hop dance on. And hip-hop skills did this cutie possess!! He took lessons while he still lived in LA. If that weren’t enough, he taught me some too. I had a long and distinguished (HA!) dance career when I was young. My parents put me in pink ballet shoes for the first time when I was two years old. I grew into tap shoes, jazz shoes, and drill team boots over the next 16 years. I hung up my dancing shoes at 19 when I traded up to wedding shoes. It had been a long time since anyone taught me a new kind of dance. Some days when I’m zipping around the house in my socks getting stuff cleaned or cooked, I’ll slide a bit on my wood floors and think of my precious little hip-hopper. I now have some pretty smooth moves for a 30-ish stay at home mom!

Another feather Griffin left in my nest were his sweet little boy clothes. We have girls in this house. Poor Dane is painfully aware of the overflow of estrogen in his kingdom on any day. But, for a while, we had a boy. A loud, jumping, burping boy. And it was great! The day Griffy left us, he wore a bright yellow t-shirt. Later that day, he got sick, so he took a bath and put on his camouflage jammies. He got sick again, so he changed again. I put his clothes in the washer there on the 10th floor for the Oncology families to use. Hours later, Grif went to meet Jesus. In all that, we forgot about his clothes in the washer. One of Grif’s nurses found them, dried them and gave them to me. As you know, Courtney loved Griffin. She was devastated when he died. I took the bright yellow t-shirt, and made a pillow out of it. On the back, I wrote a Bible scripture. She carried it to every clinic visit, every hospital stay, and slept with it every night. We called it her “Griffin pillow”. She loved to hug it since it felt like she was hugging him. I still have the camo-jammies. They are tucked away in my cedar chest where the most precious of my feathers are. I get them out sometimes when I’m having a hard time. I lay them out on the floor and see how small they are and how cute he looked in them. I know Griffin is more than okay. He has his Jesus, and now he has his Courtney, but holding his jammies lets me go back for a moment or two and remember his voice, his hugs, and that smile that melted me each time I saw it.

My favorite feather from Griffin came as a gift to us from him. As Griffin’s cancer progressed the last few days he was here, Monique and Barry insisted on letting Griffin spend one-on-one time with Dane and I so we could say all the things we wanted to say to each other before he left. I promised him Heaven would be the best thing he could imagine and that we would be there soon to see him. I promised him I would never, ever, forget him and would look after his mommy, daddy and Blakey. I also told him that he made me so happy and that I loved him so much. He told me that he loved me and would miss me so much when he went to Heaven and we played a few moments of “remember when’s”. I got lots of hugs on that last day. He played with my hair for a minute and the rest of the time, we talked about Heaven, Jesus, and the farm he knew was waiting on him. That was my gift from him. What I did not expect was that gift to become more than just a precious memory tucked into my heart. Griffin actually made a video telling Dane, the girls and I goodbye. Indeed, that is one of my most treasured feathers from this little man God gave to me for a season. His presence changed me and my heart forever.

And I miss my little bird from our nest every single day. Yesterday, I found a precious scripture in Matthew 16:19. It says “…whatever you bind on earth will be bound in Heaven and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in Heaven.” I bound Griffin to my heart here on earth, and God assures me Griffin will be bound to me in Heaven. Until then, I have his feathers to get me through until I see him again.

Pleasantly Disturbed Thursdays

2010-07-08T09:39:00.000-07:00

My blog buddy, Duane, hosts a blog carnival each week called Pleasantly Disturbed Thursdays. I enjoy people with twisted senses of humor, so of course, I'm all up in participating in this ;-)

Without further delay, I gave you...rainbow man:

PS--Is it me or does anyone else think "shrooms" when they hear this man?

Majesty

2010-07-01T09:10:00.000-07:00

We sing this at church a lot. Do you really understand you are His desire? You are. You. So. Are...

Disney World

2010-06-15T12:58:00.000-07:00

So we lost our minds and booked an 8 day trip to the "happiest place on earth" to celebrate Peyton's 10th birthday. I don't know what Florida's state motto is, but it should be Dear God, does it EVER cool off here?!

We've been to Disney World in June, October and now May. And I can say with no hesitation, the next time we go, it will be dead of winter. And even then, it will only be °60. But no more heat for us thankyouverymuch.

We had a great trip, however. We hit all of the parks (water parks included) at least twice.

Here are some highlights:

Her birthday card signed by the Winnie the Pooh characters

From Disney World 2010

CureSearch Walk

2010-05-25T09:52:00.000-07:00

CureSearch is an organization dedicated to funding research and less toxic cures for childhood cancer. They host 5k benefit walks all over the country to help raise money, and this year, they finally came to the Dallas area. We walked with Team Griffin in rememberance of our favorite little man.

Happiest Place on Earth

2010-05-20T11:17:00.000-07:00

We're about to head out to Disney World. I love vacations. But the worst part? I hate flying...not that I'm scared, but the hassle of the airport and the other flyers is such a beat down. But Brian Regan is trying to help me laugh it off. For you summer travelers...enjoy!

My Mother's Day

2010-05-11T07:07:00.000-07:00

Dane and the girls graciously gave me my Mother's Day present last month when they sent me, my mom and my sister to see Bon Jovi in concert. Woot! I told them not to get me any thing else. I'm glad they didn't listen because this year, both of my girls gave me "from the heart" things that had me tearing up and laughing out loud.

Lindsay mailed me this. She comes from a long line of smart @$$ women in our family (just ask our husbands). I'm so proud she's carrying on the tradition...

She had finals to study for so I didn't think I'd see her for Mother's Day. Saturday night, she showed up and surprised me :-)

Peyton worked hard at school making me a Mother's Day book (if you can't see the page very well, click on it and a larger version will load):

I never said I was a nerd. She must have called my sister.

A few years back, she found out she and I don't have the same blood type. Instead, she has Dane's. She's obsessed with this "phenomena". She thinks the reason she looks and acts like her daddy is because she got his blood instead of mine.

Yes, I stink at Guitar Hero--my family asks me to play just so they can laugh. And I clearly capped out at 4th grade math because her homework leaves me feeling like a moron. That spending money thing...I'm good at that. She just heard her dad smart off about how bad I am TELLING him I spent it ;-)

She doesn't like my Eggplant Parmagiana...duly noted ;-)

I just love this book. She exaulted and humbled me all the way through the book...and that's what motherhood has been for me, so it's only fitting.

To you mom's out there, I hope it was a great day for you. And to my dear friends Mo, Kelly, Kellye, Suzanne and Mary who have a child in the arms of Jesus, I prayed for you all weekend as you spent the day without your angels.

To my moms (Linda, Kay and Kathy) and my dear friends Mo, Helen, Ade, Emi ...I know your mom's spent Mothers Day with Jesus. I prayed for you all weekend as well.

I'm the Mom!

2010-05-05T08:44:00.000-07:00

A very happy birthday to my friend and fellow mom, Annie. Love ya like a fat kid loves cake Annie. Where are my crablegs??

And to all the mom's or those with mom's ;-) a very happy Mother's Day!

Happy Earth Day

2010-04-22T09:43:00.000-07:00

I want to be a good blogger. I want to be funny, thought provoking, and write the humor of everyday life. I wish I could at least take beautiful photos or create great recipes...but alas, that's not me. But enough of the shameless plugs ;-)

Looking at Twitter and my Google Reader has shown me that blogger code apparently mandates I post about Earth Day. So far, my 2 biggest post inspirations have come from my buddies in the bloggy world.

Since I can't possibly top their takes on Earth Day, I'll just send you on your merry way to them...

Helen--She laments the loss of Pluto. I'm with her on this. How can we possibly celebrate Earth when Pluto has been so callously demoted?

Tremendous News--Dee has posted a handy pie chart to show you how most of us are celebrating Earth Day. He uses pretty colors and short words. It's perfect for the on-the-go, ADD gal like me.

Hope you enjoy them! And Happy Earth Day :-)

The “Is that contestant on American Idol a Christian? Scorecard”

2010-04-06T06:09:00.000-07:00

146. You can’t be positive, but it almost looks like they are wearing woven sandals on stage that they got on a mission trip. = +2 points

147. Four of the five songs they perform are TobyMac. Three contain AutoTuner. = +3 points

148. When they get voted off, they say, “God has bigger things planned for me.” = +1 point

To add up your score with over a 130 other ideas on this scorecard, visit stuffchristianslike.net.

The one where I'm so far behind in blogging, I'm wearing flip flops but posting snow pics

2010-03-11T08:15:00.000-08:00

Disclaimer: It's at this point where I remind you, I don't have a "real blog", I just post pictures for the grandparents of my children and occassionally some silly observations I make. Hence, the length of times between posts

The snow started falling before daybreak. Peyton was VERY excited.

This was 2:00pm, right after schools were closed

By 5:00pm, we were up to 8 inches

And when it was all over, 13 inches total. Insanity!

Moving on...look what I got for my birthday!!!! It's awesome.

The first thing I downloaded was a study Bible and Concordance. I'm loving it! My Amazon bill is pretty ridiculous, but it's such a great present. The classics I love (because I am a literature nerd) are free, so I've been downloading those like crazy.

My mom got me the Kindle after I showed an interest (read: coveted) hers she got for Christmas. My sister bought me a beautiful red, leather case for it. I'm having a ball with it! This may rank right up there as my favorite gift, tying with the Merlin I got for my 9th Christmas and the strand of pearls my dad bought me for my 18th birthday :-)

On a lower note, Peyton just had her 4th crown put in her mouth. The radiation has wrecked her baby teeth :-( It also occurred to me today, that 4 crowns at $600 each, my dream beach resort vacation, is in her mouth. Sigh.

On a higher note, we booked a trip to Disney World. We took Lindsay for her 10th birthday, and that started a tradition...apparently :-) Peyton will be 10 this summer, so we're blowing off the last week of school and going in May. (We learned our lesson NOT to go to Disney World from June to November...unless we just enjoy 6 million percent humidity.) This will be our first trip back since Peyton's Make A Wish trip in October of 2005 (see October 28th entry). It's a blessing to reflect back on how far we've come since that trip! I'm excited for her to see Disney World again, but this time through the eyes of a healthy child :-) Does it get better than that? I don't think so...

Brighter than Sunshine

2010-03-09T11:12:00.000-08:00

Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever. Psalm 23:6 Thank you for that, Lord. And for His goodness, I find myself singing this to Him lately.

Join me over at Bridget's blog for her carnival on "Goodness".

Snort!

2010-03-01T12:41:00.000-08:00

So lately, commericials have been making me laugh. I generally buzz right thru them thanks to my good buddy DVR, but I've seen some that I not only watch, I'll rewind and make Dane watch them too ;-)

Revelation Song

2010-02-22T11:20:00.000-08:00

This version of this song has served as a massive encouragement of late. I just wanted to share. I look forward to singing it with all of you at the Throne.

Twitter Ho Down...who knew, right?

2010-02-19T06:23:00.000-08:00

I know, I almost NEVER participate in the Twitter Ho Down. Here's why: I'm too lazy to go back and copy and paste my tweets into my blog. But sometimes, I'm just so darn clever, so I stop being lazy and do it. This is one of those times. Enjoy ;-)

Olympic Opening Ceremony--this would not have been near the fun were it not for NtG:

@sarahmsalter right now feeling kinda geographically dumb ;-) watching Olympic opening ceremony and going "where is THAT country"?

RT @Nick_theGeek: What?!?! The Jamaican bobsled team didn't qualify???? John Candy will roll over in his grave.//bummed me out too :(

And I love you America, but yes, those pants make your butt look big. #whitepantsfail

Who is the chick (with cankles) singing with Bryan Adams and what made her pick that outfit?? #fashionfail

Nevermind. Nelly Furtado. I always thought her name sounded like a side dish at Taco Bell.

@Nick_theGeek bad footwear makes me snippy. What of it!?

Okay, the whales are amazing!

I really like Sarah's voice but this goofy dancing thing is like a bad Academy Awards performance.

RT @CandySteele: @marni71 oh snap! I thought this was the dance competition. We haven't started YET??//sigh. Apparently not.

Horns and a fiddle #devilwentdowntogeorgia

Oh, the Irish are laughing at this mess.

Nick_theGeek RT @Nick_theGeek: @marni71 batman was in the sky canoe // I would like 2 say that is a phrase I never though I would ever say ... EVER

Nick_theGeek @marni71 yep just when u think, "It can't get any stranger" they up the ante ... I'm gonna have weird dreams 2 night #thatssayinsomthing

RT @Nick_theGeek: Of course Donald Southerland has never narrated one of my dreams.//what a shame.

RT @Nick_theGeek: head banging tap dance??? I think I've seen everything// this just in! Fire in the shoes. NOW u've seen it all :-)

Nick_theGeek RT @marni71: Skiers on fake mountains has redeemed the punk fiddler river dancers // but what bout the weird Peter Pan knock off?

@Nick_theGeek NOTHING is going to redeem peter pan ;p

I wish they'd just light the friggin torch so I can go to bed.

Opera. How am I supposed to stay awake now?

Three minutes. I can do this. The torch bearer better be worth the last half hour.

Mechanical failure eh Canda?

@Nick_theGeek nice jinx there Nick ;-)

Nick_theGeek @marni71 don't ever doubt the power of my mind again. u got snow I didn't and I broke the opening ceremony

Anti climatic. I'm going to bed.

Rants:

@CandySteele I wish. I've been up for two hours now. This mother thing isn't at all what the brochure said it would be ;-)

@CandySteele God. There is no explanation for my kids still being alive. It's God... ;-)

@buzzbyannies Well...the highlight of the week? $13,000 water damage claim on my kitchen.

@buzzbyannies Yes. But I'm actually okay with this. New cabinets and countertops! Woo hoo. But the mess that will make? AGGGGGHHHHH!

@katdish that's how I feel about Degrassi commercials in general. I hate that show.

katdish @marni71 ugh! My son was watching that show, I started watching it & told him "Oh, hell no!"

@katdish Back in the day, my 15 year old campaigned hard to get to watch it. I shut that bidness down after watching 10 mins of it.

@katdish And I hate the commercials. They air on Nick during iCarly. Gaaa!

@billycoffey How do you live with this junk all winter? Seriously. It's made me pray for you, @makeadiff21 and @nick_thegeek.

redclaydiaries @marni71 You got THIRTEEN inches?! I thought our 7 inches was a lot. Ours is already gone now tho (editors note: I'm posthumously declaring this a TWSS!)

@redclaydiaries Insane, I know. But 7 inches for the ATL area?

RT @stretchmarkmama: Gonna eradicate the backtalk in my house today. And perhaps walk on some water when I'm done.

Watching my life tick away in the Geek Squad line at Best Buy #lunchhourfail

Dear Best Buy in Fort Worth. You suck. Sincerely, former customer, Marni.

@prodigaljohn We need a Wii Ski marriage counselor. The smack talk, the sabotage, the searching Google for cheat codes. Sigh.

At Subway. Listening to 2 young girls complain about not getting enough gov't money because they "only have one kid" each. Sigh. And GAAAAA!

sarahmsalter @marni71 That's what @billycoffey would call "blog fodder."

RT @Nick_theGeek: RT @katdish: I am at the movies. My feet are stuck to the floor. Gross. // ur gonna ave 2 treat it like a jelly fish sting //SNORT!

RT @buzzbyannies: @sarahmsalter asked "what is wrong with Walmart?" I can't give you an answer in 140 characters or less.// yeah, me either

RT @muchl8r: Almost wrecked my car as a giant flew out the truck in front of me. it's not my time ppl, stop trying 2 kill me!/like Goliath?

@katdish you saw (read: suffered through) Tooth Fairy? My condolences.

@jewda4 Yay. Now we're being followed by a Communist Bot.

jewda4 @marni71 I feel pretty special that a communist detecting twitterbot finds me so follow-worthy

Valentine Chocolate:

Half-price Valentines chocolate FTW!!

Nick_theGeek @marni71 wow, u r they discounting the chocolate already? plenty of shopping days left .... right? ... right??

@Nick_theGeek for low maintenance wives like me, yes. We'll gladly take day-after chocolate ;-)

Olympic Skating Costumes:

Amendment: I wish I had a Zamboni and a purple, sparkly skating costume.

redclaydiaries @marni71 I wish I had a Zamboni, a purple, sparkly skating costume, AND glasses I could see thru.

@redclaydiaries atta girl, dream big! My big dream is for my upper arms to stop moving the same time my lower arms do.

redclaydiaries @marni71 Sunday in our church's stadium seating was interesting. I had to walk down 40 steep stairs. Walked by feel

Is it spelled sow cow because that makes me happy for some reason.

RT @redclaydiaries: @marni71 salchow. I don't know why I know that.//she's more than just a pretty face folks.

A little piece of me dies when the skaters wipe out instead of making their landings. And the sparkly sequins distract me from...ooh shiny.

redclaydiaries @marni71 How'd u like the Chinese guy's sheer shirt?

@redclaydiaries I ordered Dane the sheer shirt off of Amazon just now. The men's Bible study group will be seething with jealousy.

@buzzbyannies @redclaydiaries What is the real #wardrobefail each year are the Russians. Bless their hearts.

buzzbyannies @Marni71 I'm always distracted by why the heck a guy would want to dress like that

CandySteele @marni71 @Helenatrandom @redclaydiaries Hey yall, you just keep doing olympic play by play & I won't even have to watch.

@CandySteele @Helenatrandom @redclaydiaries That's why we're here Candy. U don't need no stinkin' NBC.

CandySteele @marni71 I wonder if Bob Costas uses mayo in his hair? It's sure different this year....

@CandySteele with that shine and volume, I vote yes. #Hellmans:it'snotjustforpotatosalad

Sangria? Why yes, thank you, I believe I will.

@sarahmsalter But of course! When can u be here? Also, having a glass makes these men's skating costumes seem less fugly ;-)

redclaydiaries @marni71 DID YOU SEE THE COSTUME WITH THE CORSET?

@redclaydiaries PINK CORSET?! How did I miss that? Was he Russian? They are accomplished skaters in Goodwill fodder, God bless em.

redclaydiaries @marni71 Sorry. But it was a CORSET. With PINK TIES.

@redclaydiaries black satin corset with pink bows...is he on his honeymoon?

marni71 RT @redclaydiaries: @marni71 I don't think he's skated yet. He's in the last group: black satin w hot pink corset straps.//setting DVR ;-)

redclaydiaries @marni71 OMG. It's Jonny Weir. Apparently attempting to top his costumes from 2006

@redclaydiaries NO WAY! His look is like the stuff from "Blades of Glory"

redclaydiaries @marni71 To refresh ur memory: Johnny Weir in 2006: http://bit.ly/ariU0a

redclaydiaries @marni71 Annnnd Johnny Weir, 2010: http://bit.ly/9nyQX2 If that's not worth a DVRing, I don't know what is.

@redclaydiaries MY EYES, MY EYES! Sweet Moses, you weren't kidding.

@redclaydiaries now the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man is performing.

CandySteele @marni71 @redclaydiaries It's SKELETOR!!

@CandySteele @redclaydiaries Great minds Candy! I thought Skeletor too. We're all starting to get scary with our thought patterns.

RT @XIANITY: OLYMPICS: Watching men's skating... not that there's anything wrong with that.// not if you're a woman ;-)

@redclaydiaries It gets better soon after Skeletor and Stay-Puft. Two words: black feathers.

CandySteele @redclaydiaries @marni71 Aannddd...we now have Morticia!

marni71 @katdish @makeadiff21 @Nick_theGeek @sarahmsalter @jewda4 Good morning. Did ya'll see Shaun White last night? I don't think he's human ;-)

@marni71 Good morning! Who's Shaun White?

@sarahmsalter I'm gonna pray for you Sarah. And then ask you to Google him. And then pray some more

Nick_theGeek @sarahmsalter Shaun White is the US snow boarder that looks like Carrot Top

marni71 @makeadiff21 BUT, his coach had an open mic on last night when Shaun won. F bombs everywhere. Bob Costas sounded strokish afterward ;-)

Rednecks:

RT @pagan43: You know you're a Redneck when you wonder how gas stations keep their restrooms so clean.//Clean. Gas station. Oxymoron.

RT @sarahmsalter: @redclaydiaries @pagan43 They sell FRESH pork rinds in paper sacks down at our local store. //WTFT???

redclaydiaries @marni71 I pink fuzzy heart WTFT. My new go-to expletive.

RT @redclaydiaries: @sarahmsalter They sell boiled peanuts from a cart outside our local gas station.//bait and handmade crosses

@sarahmsalter No. With "fresh pork rinds" I envision a pig and a vegetable peeler.

@redclaydiaries Yes, boiled peanuts can be bait. Catfish, carp and overweight, hairy men in belly shirts are what u can catch with them.

This and That:

Venti triple mocha latte, you complete me.

@billycoffey Ear candles are popular, but that doesn't make it right. Have you seen it in action? It's like a bad CSI scene...

Why I love Texas: just saw a taxidermist deliver a stuffed fox to my daughter's school.

RT @stretchmarkmama: And since you're asking, "Comp Sci, YOU?" Yes. Part of my degree is in Systems Analysis. You build it, I criticize it.

@stretchmarkmama Snort!! My degree is in English. You write it, I correct it ;-)

RT @stretchmarkmama: @marni71 Not everyone can be gifted with the critical spirit. We are blessed.// Indeed ;-)

Daughter just gave the dogs leftover chili. Gonna be a looong night.

Genesis, Exorcist, Leviathan, Deu--the right thing. Snort!! #Psych

katdish @buzzbyannies That's okay. We can shun @marni71 together.

buzzbyannies @katdish @marni71 I'm sure she's going to apologize profusely any minute now.

katdish @buzzbyannies If @marni71 doesn't, we should put the unfollow hammer down on her.

@katdish Oh zip it. I just didn't see u there due to lack of coffee. Latte is now on board. And....YOU CAIN'T QUIT ME!

I have to go make the loooong walk to the office mail box. Or "daily cardio limit" as I like to call it. BRB.

@Brian_Russell 'Scuse me...uhhh, did you just diss CST (Central Standard Time)? I know you didn't just diss CST.

RT @jewda4: “I wish I treated sin like my body treats puke.” @prodigaljohn // this would make altar call time a little more interesting.

Dear Coldwater Creek. To email me 2 say stretch crop pants are ON SALE for $40 makes me laugh like a hyena. What's full price?

I can't get that dumb "I'll Tumble 4 Ya" song out of my head, so I'm just going to spread the pain around. You're welcome.

@Nick_theGeek I have put my glasses on. I read your tweet as "no, we had sex last night". I was all "uh, TMI Nick!".

I spilld coff on my kyboard. Now th ky is stuck. Can you guss which on ?

RT @Nick_theGeek: @marni71 it appears your computer has the "sherri" virus.//SNORT!!

RT @Nick_theGeek: RT @sarahmsalter: @marni71 Have you tried a moistened qtip to get it unstuck? // #TWSS//hahahahaha~

Love 146

2010-02-18T07:28:00.000-08:00

Imagine from LOVE146 on Vimeo.

Isaiah 59

13...rebellion and treachery against the LORD,

turning our backs on our God,

fomenting oppression and revolt,

uttering lies our hearts have conceived.

14 So justice is driven back,

and righteousness stands at a distance;

truth has stumbled in the streets,

honesty cannot enter.

15 Truth is nowhere to be found,

and whoever shuns evil becomes a prey.

The LORD looked and was displeased

that there was no justice.

16 He saw that there was no one,

he was appalled that there was no one to intervene;

Jesus, what is my response to this to be? What is all of our response to be?

Patience, yeaaaaaaah

2010-02-10T10:38:00.000-08:00

Day late and a dollar short, that's my motto ;-) Yesterday was Bridget's Blog Carnival on Patience. I'm just now participating.

Patience is not something I have. Like Stephanie, I can be really good at pretending I have it though. God has been working me over in the patience I lack. It's a seriously hard working-over I gotta say. But I get better each time He tests me and for that, I'm so grateful.

Where do I struggle the most? I have some very defined goals and I know God is okay with those goals. But He isn't opening the doors for me to pursue them yet. So I wait. Patiently. Or not. But when I don't wait patiently, He reminds me His timing is perfect.

Ever since I read what Bridget's carnival topic was on, this song won't leave my head. So I'm sharing. You're welcome ;-) Besides, what teen of the 80's doesn't love them some goofy looking Axl Rose shimmying at the mic?

Peyton don't play ya'll...

2010-02-08T10:10:00.001-08:00

No, this isn't about the Superbowl and my fave quarterback Peyton Manning. This is about my 9 year old daughter who has hit a female right of passage...hostility toward boys who leave the toilet seat up.

I found this note in her bathroom after we had guests over and boys had used her bathroom...clearly, much to her dismay:

Notice her ire in the form of angry, serial killer handwriting and blantant misspellings. She didn't have time to worry about penmenship and grammar when something so important was on the line. Yes, my baby is growing into a young woman. She'll make a great (nagging) wife one day.

It is well...with my soul

2010-01-26T08:46:00.000-08:00

Teenage daughter has moved out to go to college? Medical bills are a small mountain in the wire basket in the kitchen? Mounting the debt by financing the college education? Secondary cancer might strike due to the high levels of chemo and radiation it took to cure the first round? The cancer treatment has caused other medical issues and learning disabilities?

Yes.

We deal with all of that.

All of that Lord, but it is well with my soul.

Thank you for your peace that surpasses all understanding. It is only because of you it is well.

Want to see more examples of peace? Head over to Bridget Chumbley's page for her blog carnival.

Trophies

2010-01-18T07:25:00.000-08:00

As you've read before, we've found a new church home. This church is less than a year old--a plant out of a larger church the next town over. We're doing well. Since the launch in September, we've seen growth up to 275 people. We're (and I'm included) not big on numbers, but being a new church, that is a valid marker of how God is blessing us. We're very excited to say the least.

Dane and I have landed in an amazing Home Group. We all have kids around the same age. We each chip in for a family meal on Sunday evenings when we meet. We eat and fellowship as a family, then the kids go one way while the adults go the other and we dig into Scripture together.

Last night, Mike, our HG leader, said something that's really stuck with me. He said, "You are trophies". I know Mike (and my husband as well) to be big fans of hunting. Trophies, in the hunting world, are the creatures that hunters are seeking to take down. And when they do, they stuff them and mount them as a proud reminder of their accomplishment in bagging the elusive creature.

Trophies are wise. Trophies surround themselves with other trophies. They've learned from the years of near misses and they know what to do to protect themselves. They don't expose themselves to the dangerous open fields. They're cautious and they show the others how to be cautious too. But sometimes, when they aren't on their guard, trophies make mistakes. And the next thing you know, they are mounted on a wall as a prize for the hunter.

We're a new and growing church. That has to be frustrating satan (check out that middle finger of grammar). And we know the Bible calls him a hunter, always on the prowl. Mike warned, but encouraged us, to be on our guard as God continues to bless us and as we continue to reach people for God. He encourages us to hold each other accountable, to pray for our children, our marriages, our church, our pastor and each other. Having lived through a church split where satan took down some trophies, I'm resolved to not watch that happen again.

You are a trophy. If you aren't already aware of it, now you know. Surround yourself with other trophies, stay out of the clearings, flee from exposure to dangerous things. Don't end up on satan's mantle as a reminder of how he gleefully took you down.

Haiti

2010-01-15T06:39:00.000-08:00

I've been checking CNN on my phone like a woman possessed. And each time I do, it breaks my heart a little more.

My sweet friend Sherri has posted a blog about Haiti. She's done far better than I could ever do, so here's the link.. Please go by and read the story, click on the links she's provided...and most importantly, pray.

Also, if you're looking for a place to send your donations to help, I'm a huge fan of Samaritans Purse and World Vision. They have had a collective presence in Haiti for more than 50 years and they are such great stewards of their donations.

The longest decade ever...thanks be to God

2009-12-30T06:43:00.000-08:00

My husband pointed out to me the other day, this decade is about to be over. That had not at all occurred to me...shocking, I know.

So I've been pondering this decade. It was by far, the longest, most painful, blessed, amazing decade I've ever had.

2000: I had my second daughter. We tried for 5 years to have her. We gave up thinking we were just meant to have Lindsay. Right before New Year's 2000, we found out Peyton was on her way.

2001: I got my dream job.

2002: Got promoted to a dream job I'd never dreamed of

2003: Cancer came after Peyton.

2004: Peyton began chemo on January 1st. She began radiation a few days later. Her treatment would last most of this year. Lindsay becomes a teenager (which I secretly wondered if that would be as scary as cancer) ;-)

2005: Peyton's sweet little friend Griffin (we met him in treatment) steps out of a world of Neuroblastoma, needles, meds, blood draws and pain into the arms of Jesus. The last few days of his 6 years on earth, all he wanted to do is snuggle up in his hospital bed while I read him Bible stories and told him about Jesus and Heaven. It is here I began to see some of God's plan for why Peyton had to be sick.

At the end of 2005, Courtney (another treatment friend and a young woman I loved as my own daughter) was called from 4 years of failed treatments and pain into God's glory. I held her hand as she died. And I thought I'd never be functional again...

Our beloved church splits. It's insult to massive injury.

2006: Peyton is in full remission and begins kindergarten. Lindsay begins high school. I decide I can't sit at home all day and cry, so I decide to go back to work. All the while, I'm hollow inside. I feel like God has abandoned me and I don't know where to go with that. This year, I become like Jacob and the angel in the desert. I struggle, scream, cry and demand answers from God on a minutely basis it seems. He patiently let's me be angry and distant from Him. Late that year, He moves. To say God scraped me off the pavement and began to rebuild me is an understatement. It is then, God and I went 3-D (thanks Jon! Your check is in the mail) Healing begins and I fall so in love with my Savior.

Courtney's sister Britney suggests the best way to heal our pain is to find others in pain and serve them. I agree. Our homeless ministry is born. Our families (and as time goes on, friends and friends of friends) hit the streets of Dallas each week to bring supplies, food and Bibles to the homeless. But more importantly, we just hang out and visit. The conversations and friendships are unparalled. God and I go 3-D again when I realize God has called us all to missions, and it doesn't have to be a church-organized thing.

2007: We've been visiting churches, but nothing fits. We commit the search to God in dedicated prayer. The last few years of toil and stress have begun to take a toll on my family. We all agree that what we've been through can take families down. We convenant to be on our guard against the enemy trying to take down our family. Christian counseling and some tough conversations ensue, but it's part of the healing.

2008: We return to our old church. But you can't go home again, when the home doesn't exist. It's another painful season. Probably in part due to the "dedicated prayer" for finding a church has morphed into "dedicated whining" about not having one yet ;-) But God is faithful and we know that.

Oh yeah, and I also find a blogging community . I begin to wonder, "how did I ever make it through life without these wacko's?"

Also? Realized there was such a thing as "medical bankruptcy". That would have been handy to know sooner, but all in all, I'm glad we didn't do it. God provided for us in some really creative and loving ways as we dealt with all the bills insurance wouldn't cover.

Dane gets his dream job as a recruiter/background investigator at the police department. He's happy. He's off the streets and no one is shooting at him. I'm very happy.

My baby-sister get's married :-) I perform the ceremony. Yes, I'm ordained as a Chaplain. Yes, I'm a baptist female. I'm a rebel, I tell ya. I'm grateful to get to be a part of the covenant Greg and Stephanie make to each other and to God. Would I ever have worked towards ordination and chaplaincy had cancer not been allowed in our life? Nope, probably not. God's plans amaze me, even when I don't understand them.

2009: Lindsay graduates from high school and goes off the college in the fall. We celebrate by buying her a shiny, red car. ($40,000 in hospital bills, be damned, we're celebrating a child who didn't lose her mind when life started to suck. A car was the least we could do for her) I'm in a weird place for a while. Can it be that I've successfully raised a young person who is ready to leave the nest? Did I teach her/show her all she needs to know? I stay out of her room alot when she's away. It triggers tears and I'm tired of crying. Besides, we have unlimited texting, so I can talk to her alot. And she let's me :-) Peyton is a fourth grader. Chemo and radiation took it's toll on the little developing 3 year old mind from her treatment days. She's showing some memory function issues and attention issues. Nothing tutoring and counseling can't handle for now. And if that's all that comes at us as the result of harsh chemo and radiation, we'll so take it.

Ahhh...September. God kicks down a wall for us and we find our new home church. The pieces just fall into place. Sunday's are a blessing again. We are serving in a church again. Our home group ROCKS. God, once again, shows his faithfulness and love.

How was your decade?

Love

2009-12-29T08:26:00.000-08:00

I'm participating in Bridget's Blog Carnival again. The topic is Love.

I meant to participate in the "Church" carnival blog. That whole good intentions thing is me in a nutshell. You've been warned. Anyhoo, since I missed that, I'm combining. I love lots and lots of things. But today, I'm talking about my love for my new church. It's awesome. It's an answer to prayer. It's home. To say we are happy, thriving, encouraged and challenged is an understatement.

We survived (barely) a church split almost 5 years ago. We've floundered since. But in September, God moved and led us to where we are. We've landed in a remarkable Home Group as well. I can't wait to see how God uses us to serve Him through this new church home. Those of you who helped pray us to Stonegate (and you know who you are), thank you so much for your intervening.

Love,

m

You Never Let Go...

2009-12-17T10:33:00.000-08:00

It has sucked to be me lately. Not entirely, mind you. But in some pretty profound areas of my life. Those of you close to me know why, so I won't get into it here.

Don't you love how God always sends a lifeline when we're sinking fast? For me, it's been some scripture in Job and Psalms. And this song. I'd forgotten about it frankly, but we sang it in church a while back, and I've been clinging to God's promises in it until this storm passes. I've not asked God to take the storm, but just to hang out in the life raft with me until it does.

I hope this song encourages you as much as it has me.

There is love...

2009-12-09T07:12:00.000-08:00

Nineteen years ago today, I married my best friend and the true love of my life. Last night, we stayed up until midnight just so we could officially kick off our anniversary together. We bundled up under our down comforter, held hands and giggled, reminisced, and got misty-eyed as we inventoried those last 19 years. We recounted how we were a full 10 years into the marriage before we asked God to be the center of it and we prayerfully thanked Him for patiently waiting on us to invite Him in. We remembered the births of both our girls and what it felt like to welcome them into the love of our marriage as we became a family. We bemoaned the fact that our physiques were certainly not what they were when we met, dated and married. But mostly, we just laughed. God has given us a lot to laugh about in our nearly two-decade union. At 12:36 am, I could barely keep my eyes open anymore. As I drifted off to sleep, he whispered, "I'd do it all again. I love you". Happy anniversary Dane. I'd do it all again too. I love you.

Though He slay me, yet will I hope in Him

2009-12-01T06:42:00.000-08:00

Today I'm participating in Peter's Blog Carnival. His topic is grief. Stop by and read our perspectives.

Those of you who know me or have read my blog enough know that God allowed me to walk through a profoundly painful season that began almost 5 years ago. A little boy we loved like our own, succumbed to Neuroblastoma (cancer of the central nervous system) on January 4, 2005. I sat with Griffin his last days in the hospital as the tumors in his 6 year old body caused him to swell, lose his eyesight and cause bone pain I can't fathom. We talked about Heaven. We talked about Jesus. We talked about how he wouldn't be sick anymore. We talked about the reunion we'd have one day. He closed his eyes and stepped into the arms of a savior he'd just met days before. I grieved. Hard. I watched his death wreck his parents and his little brother. I watched it spiral my four year old daughter into confusion about why God let children die. And I tried, on the outside, to pretend I was okay, because Christians are called to have hope in grief. I thought that meant have a smile on my face and appear to be unfazed...

Ten very short months later, I had Courtney's hand as she stepped into eternity. And I loved her as if she were my own as well. She put up a brave and faith-filled fight against ovarian cancer for 4 years. And she praised God throughout all of it. She was a daughter and best friend rolled into one. Her death left a hole in me that I swore would never go away. Losing her, and losing her so close to Griffin was more than I could take. I stopped getting out of bed. I stopped smiling. I was a shell of what I had been.

I could find no comfort for my grief. My husband, my children, my church, my friends. I tried all of it. Nothing worked. I clung to God throughout all of the pain, but only in the sense of begging Him to take it. For months, I wasn't willing to let Him walk me through it. Then one day God spoke this to my heart..."though he slay me, yet will I hope in Him" Job 13:15. I made a turning point that day. It wasn't as if the grief vanished, but suddenly I understood that this was something I simply had to go through...not endure...but actually wrestle through with God.

So many days, I was like Jacob as he wrestled with the angel. I would struggle and argue with God, but I refused to let go until the blessing came. And I still have the limp from that season--always will--but I overcame. God showed me that as His child, I don't have to pretend everything is okay, when it isn't. Grief is painful and messy. He doesn't call me to smile and pretend I'm fine, when inside I was in pain. I could have hope, but still cry and mourn. In the year it took me to re-enter my life after Griffy and Court, I learned how much Jesus loves me. I learned how much I love Him. I learned He will kick down mountains to get to me when I call Him, and when I can't even will myself to call Him, He'll scoop me up and hold me until I can. I learned that my God is faithful and my God will make all things new and my God will neverforsake me.

Life is Funny

2009-11-30T07:22:00.000-08:00

I'm participating in Wendy's Life is Funny carnival. Ready?

So yesterday after church, we decide to go somewhere swanky for lunch. Yes, that's right, Dairy Queen. We were waiting on our food, and because I have ovaries, I'm the one up getting the straws, napkins, ketchup, blah blah, while everyone else sits there and watches me.

An older woman and her friend were finishing up at a table near us and were just getting ready to leave when she sees Dane and Peyton sitting at the table. She says "Oh my word! Is that you?" and comes over to the table and gives Dane a big hug. He's enthusiastically saying to her "How are you? How long has it been?" She says "you're daughter is getting so big. Where is your wife?" He points to me and I wave and say hello as, in my head, I'm thinking, "who is this woman?"

She and her friend leave. I head back over to our table. I sit down and say, "who was that?" and Dane says, "I have NO idea..."

This was her time...a repost

2009-11-20T07:21:00.000-08:00

Part of our journey through Peyton's cancer was meeting and loving Courtney. She and Peyton were on the same clinic rotation and after months and months of sitting for hours at a time in clinic together, we grew to love her as if she were literally our own. Fours years ago today, I kissed her cheek, told her I loved her and held her hand as she peacefully slipped into Jesus' arms. It's still staggering to me it's been that long since I laughed with her. But God has been good to us since she had to go. The light shines brighter when you've been in the dark...

Please remember Courtney's family in your prayers today.

It was a test we could all hope to pass. But none of us would want to take. Faced with the choice to deny God to live, for her, there was one choice to make...

This was her time, this was her dance. She lived every moment, left nothing to chance. She swam in the sea, drank of the deep. Embraced the mystery of all she could be. This was her time...

Though you are mourning and grieving with us, death died a long time ago. Swallowed in life so that life carries on. Still it's so hard to let go...

This was her time, this was her dance. She lived every moment, left nothing to chance. She swam in the sea, drank of the deep. Embraced the mystery of all she could be...

What if tomorrow, and what if today, faced with the question, oh what would you say? This is your time. This is your dance. Live every moment, leave nothing to chance! Swim in the sea, drink of the deep. Follow the mercy and hear yourself praying, "Won't You save me? Won't You save me?"

This is your time...

Courtney Dawn Howard

October 25, 1985-November 20, 2005

Life is Funny...

2009-11-11T06:00:00.000-08:00

My blogger friend Wendy has a "Life is Funny" blog carnival each day, week, minute...I don't know. I have ADD and I can't remember. Anyhoo, today I'm participating because my youngest daughter did something funny. And we all need laughs, right?

Sunday in Children's Church, the assignment was to make a turkey drawing and in it, write what they are thankful God has forgiven them for. Here is Peyton's drawing:

In case it's too small to read, it says "I'm thankful God has forgiven me for my family!". Truer words were probably never spoken ;-) Now if you'll excuse me, I have some friends I need to go ask God to forgive me for...

Remember

2009-11-02T10:13:00.000-08:00
My blogger buddy Peter is hosting the Blog Carnival this week. This time our topic is Remember. If you'd like to read other peoples thoughts on Remember, head on over to Peter's blog.

I've thought a lot about what I'd write since Peter announced our new Blog Carnival topic would be "remember". I thought of many topics such as:

remembering and recalling Scripture
remembering past lessons learned
remembering God's promises

Remembering God's promises really stuck with me. So that's my angle with this blog topic. But rather than making you read a long blog about how I will always choose to remember that, I'll just post pictures that are evidence of His promises.

These beautiful people are: My grandmother (Nanny), Elisha and Courtney and Griffin. All of them fought against a body that failed them. All of them were healed in Heaven. And because of God's promises, I will see them again. Amen and amen.

He never let's go...

2009-11-02T08:00:00.000-08:00
We sang this at church yesterday. I sobbed all the way through it. In case you need the reminder, I invite you to sing along with me...

Twitter Smorgasbord (Did I spell that correctly? Maybe? You know what, who cares.)

2009-10-21T11:11:00.000-07:00

This week in tweets. I brought my "A game". Enjoy:

@redclaydiaries Our dumb Boxer, Howie, thinks possums who get on our back porch to eat the dog food, are chew toys...

@redclaydiaries It's just awesome to hear him outside making a ruckus, open the door and see him tossing one up in the air and catching it.

JeanneDamoff @marni71 @redclaydiaries EWWWWW! He tosses them in the air? I do NOT want to see that. Ever. Too late, though. Curse this vivid imagination.

@JeanneDamoff Yeah, yeah you do! I can get you a dumb white one named Howie. Free shipping!!

JeanneDamoff @marni71 Thanks, but no thanks. A possum-tossing boxer might tip the balance of my already questionable sanity.

@JeanneDamoff @redclaydiaries They all live, believe it or not. When Howie gets bored and puts them down, they just stagger away ;-)

redclaydiaries @marni71 Oh, I LOVE that mental picture. Staggering Possums: also a great name for a rock band.

@redclaydiaries And I do enjoy the possum show Howie gives us. I grab popcorn and make an event of it.

redclaydiaries @marni71 Oooh, I like the way you think! Wanna be my other doppelganger?

@redclaydiaries I thought you'd never ask. Now excuse me, I have to go Google doppelganger and see what the heck that is.

Just mailed my daughter a Halloween care package to her dorm. I sent her lots of silly string. Mother of the Year award? Bring it on!

This just in: @makeadiff21 surprised her kids with Happy Meals. We may have another contender for Mother of the Year.

makeadiff21 @marni71 LOL. Thanks! I am very popular right now

Great day at the ballfield coaching daughter today. "Peyton can swing, Peyton can whack. If I were you, I'd scoot my booty back!"

Stayed up late watching "Dallas Divas and Daughters". 1. None of that was actually Dallas 2. It was 60 mins of my life I'll never get back

@billycoffey On hold with customer service of a company. Thick accent, I can't understand a word. It's a great start to my day ;-)

@HeatherSunseri This was an unauthorized charge. Bad hold music, looong wait and now the accent I can't understand. Shoot me now.

@HeatherSunseri I had to spell my name. I used the "military alphabet" to spell it. She used a "made up but hilarious alphabet".

@HeatherSunseri For instance "M as in maybe, a as in artichoke, r as in rabies" etc. Wow.

@BridgetChumbley Thanks for hosting. I've done nothing but read blogs all day, but I'm blessed so much by it!

RT @stacyasmallSFL: @prodigaljohn STOP SENDING OUT TWEETS! I'm trying to pray here.///hahahaha!

RT @katdish: Dear @BridgetChumbley 's blog carnival. I have nothing set out for dinner. I blame you.// me too! But Pizza Hut is grateful.

I'm sitting at Starbucks doing "research"@BillyCoffey style. But the group I'm researching r so annoying & shallow, not like Billy's group.

@becca_homefront @purichristos but I might not be able blog on the shallow without being shallow myself. Darn paradoxes!!

Is anyone else slightly freaked out about @pwilson refering to himself as a "corn hole champion"? ;-p

Then there was the great coffee debate 2009. Clearly I won this one and @redclaydiaries needs counseling.

The last sip of coffee left in the cup is always the hardest...

redclaydiaries @marni71 The hardest to what? Chew?

PuriChristos @marni71 if by hardest you mean taste like lukewarm nastiness that makes you want to vomit then yes

@redclaydiaries Say goodbye to...It's all gone...what do I do now? I'm out of Blue Monsters!! sniff.

PuriChristos @marni71 I have like 30 blue monsters in the youth building right now ... I'm just sayin

@PuriChristos Why must you taunt me so?

redclaydiaries @marni71 OH. That IS a tragedy. I just made a new pot of decaf for us. I think @starbucks owes us something 4 all the coffee we buy

@redclaydiaries Decaf isn't really coffee. I'm sorry I had to use tough love on you so early in the day. Let's still be friends.

redclaydiaries @marni71 Sniffle. That was HARSH. I don't know, I think I might need a little space.

@redclaydiaries I understand. When you feel better, we can try counseling.

redclaydiaries @marni71 What? You mean in the same room? I don't think I'm ready for that. I'm wounded, I tell you. WOUNDED.

@redclaydiaries By "we", I meant "you"...so I won't be in the same room

Brian_Russell @marni71 You know, this morning I woke up, and finally had creamer to make coffee... and CRACKED MY COFFEE POT whilst filling it. GRUMPY.

@Brian_Russell That happened to me this summer. I mourned all day then spent waaay too much on a replacement. Addiction is a painful thing

redclaydiaries @Brian_Russell @marni71 Two words: thermal carafe. Unbreakable, AND keeps the coffee hot w/o cooking it.

@redclaydiaries You put decaf in the awesome thermal carafes that I can only HOPE to have one day??? I'm gonna need a moment...

And then it happened...

TAXIDERMY LADY IS HERE!!!! I gotta go hide in the bathroom for a bit. BRB.

Now I'm tweeting from the bathroom. I wonder if it's safe to go back to my office...

Annnnnd I'm back at my desk. Victory is mine!

PuriChristos @marni71 I think that is a serious breach of twitter etiquette. Just because u can doesn't mean u should

@PuriChristos I was just "in" the bathroom, not "going" to the bathroom. Unwad your panties.

Then @sarahmsalter and I talked religion

sarahmsalter @marni71 @redclaydiaries At our church, they have a label on the Decaf carafe that reads, "Weak Women's Coffee."

@sarahmsalter "Weak Women's Coffee" that's awesomeness! We're Baptists, so our coffee pot says, "Woman, get me a cup of coffee!"

Then I worked on my "street cred"...

@Brian_Russell My daughter spells it "boooooiiiiiiiii" . No idea why, but she's a teenager, so she's credible.

Brian_Russell @marni71 That actually works for me. I've seen it like that, and it accomplishes the sound with fewer characters.

Then I moved on to other important topics such as TV shows I'm now in love with

I love the show Psych! Why didn't anyone tell me about this awesomeness? Now I have like 4 seasons to make up for.

PuriChristos @marni71 I wrote a freakin post about the show!!! I tweet it all the time!!! I cannot be held responsible when others ignore me

@PuriChristos Sensitive much? Okay, I'm sorry I didn't listen. It won't happen again. But seriously dude, this show is hi-lar-i-ous!

PuriChristos @marni71 I know right? They are on twitter btw. Funny stuff

katdish @marni71 I pink fuzzy heart that show!

makeadiff21 @marni71 We LOVE that show!

PuriChristos @marni71 Last Friday was the mid season finale new shows should start in January

@PuriChristos JANUARY?? Well crap. Okay, that gives me time to watch the other 4 seasons I guess.

@PuriChristos Okay, so I'll keep watching in on Hulu.com. When does new season start? And is Monk something I want to watch?

katdish @marni71 Monk is good. He's a germophobe

@katdish Great! So I'll relate to him. And he's OCD right? If it's the one I'm thinking of, we're kindred spirits and I should watch.

katdish @marni71 Yes. An OCD germophobe. He completes you.

Then @weightwhat and @katdish and I discussed our love of autumn and winter boots

@weightwhat I feel ya. I had to buy "chubby leg boots". It was fun to realize my cankles wouldn't fit in regular leather knee high boots.

katdish @marni71 Trying being fitted for ski boots only to have the guy tell you (in a surfer accent) "Your calves are HUGE!" Nice

@katdish Did you kidney punch him? Maybe and accidental groin graze as you removed your boot?

katdish @marni71 I swift head butt if I recall correctly.

weightwhat @marni71 Isn't that about the time that you should decide that boots are overrated?

@weightwhat I just about did, and then I found Lane Bryant online. I bought fabulous black patent leather boots. Too sexy for this tweet!

weightwhat @marni71 Uh-oh. You're not turning into a skanky ho now, are you? Just how high up do the boots go?

@weightwhat Just to the knees. There isn't enough patent leather in the world to make them go thigh-high on me...sigh.

weightwhat @marni71 Because your legs are incredibly long and model-like, right?

@weightwhat Yes, yes that's it. Thank you for that. I didn't clarify. Now people know.

Of course, we're cultural and artistic people, so we discussed important things...like what cartoons we like, and shows we do or don't watch.

@redclaydiaries Don't feel alone in your shame. I've never watched The Office either...

redclaydiaries @HeatherSunseri @marni71 THANK YOU. It's just so SLOW at first. (But I thot Star Trek NG was boring the 1st season.)

katdish @marni71 @redclaydiaries @sarahmsalter I just don't know what to say about all of this...

@katdish There is nothing TO say Judgy Mc Judger.

redclaydiaries @marni71 Call her Planky. She likes that.

@redclaydiaries Do I want to know why we're calling her Planky? I probably don't, but why??

katdish @marni71 Plank in the eye. But my eye has seen The Office. So it really doesn't apply.

@katdish @redclaydiaries Awww how sweet. How many of us can truly say we've found friendship by harsh Biblical conviction?

@sarahmsalter You MUST watch iCarly and Phineas & Ferb. They'll change your life. Caillou will reduce your IQ by 15 points. Avoid it.

@redclaydiaries Gitcheee gitcheee goo means that I love you!

@HeatherSunseri "Calliou" and "funny" are used in the same sentence, but let's hear your story ;-)

@HeatherSunseri AREN'T, I meant aren't. Seriously, they aren't. Did I mention they aren't??

redclaydiaries @marni71 Did u see?! @HeatherSunseri LOVES Caillou! WHO'S WITH ME ON ANOTHER INTERVENTION?!

@redclaydiaries {raising hand and waving it furiously} They're are counselors who work here. Shall I make her an appointment?

Did we scare@HeatherSunseri ? Maybe she blocked us???? Heather? Come back. We'll be nice(r).

@sarahmsalter HOLD THE PHONE, I just caught something you said. You didn't watch Seinfeld?

sarahmsalter @marni71 In my defense, when it was on, I was living at home. My Dad wouldn't allow it because he felt it was "trash." (His word, not mine.)

@sarahmsalter But now when we all start to celebrate Festivus, you won't know how to do it? Someone want to buy the pole this year?

sarahmsalter @marni71 Your lips are moving, but I don't understand the words coming out...

RT @sarahmsalter: @marni71 Your lips are moving, but I don't understand the words coming out...//I get that alot...sigh.

RT @redclaydiaries: @Helenatrandom I see Chris O'Donnell, and I still see Robin. Tights do not = hottie.//Um hello? Mikhail Baryshnikov.

redclaydiaries RT @marni71: @Helenatrandom It's okay Helen, I watch Hannah Montana by myself. \//WHAT? Get a rope...

Trust

2009-10-20T10:41:00.000-07:00
My new friend Peter Pollock hosted a Blog Carnival earlier this month. His topic was obedience. I didn't participate because I was really busy at work, had a sick child, and well, because I'm a slacker at managing my time when I'm overhwhelmed like I was at the time. But I digress.

Today, my other new friend, Bridget Chumbley is hosting a Blog Carnival. Her topic is Trust. And I'm participating! Shocking, I know.

If you'd like to be a part of this carnival or just read what others wrote about Trust, come on over to Bridget's blog and be a part of what we're doing.

Trust...

"It's a large and aggresive tumor. I'm sorry to tell you this, but children rarely survive this type of cancer. She won't survive another two years".

The doctor said that to my husband and I as she came into the consult room to give us an update on our 3 year old daughter's surgery. Earlier that morning, Peyton's CT scans showed a large mass on her right kidney. Surgery was immediately scheduled to remove the kidney and tumor and send them off for biopsy.

And in the moment of hearing the doctor's terrifying words, I thought, "This is it. My daughter is going to die and we are going to be destroyed".

The doctor kept talking about the surgery, the recovery, the stitches needed to sew Peyton back up after she was essentially cut in half, but I wasn't listening. I was praying. I asked God to not let Peyton suffer for the two years we had left. I asked God to not let this ruin our other daughter's life. I asked God to keep our marriage intact since many marriages wouldn't survive the death of a child...

Then, I was in a bubble of silence. There is really no other word to describe it, although over the last 5 years, I've tried to. I found myself unable to hear Lindsay and Dane's anguished cries and the doctor's monotone voice as she leveled our family with the news. Instead, I heard "Do not be afraid Marni. I will use this for My glory". I had never before (and haven't since) heard the audible voice of Jesus, but that day, I know I did. He told me not to be afraid. I decided in that instant to trust His words. He didn't tell me He would spare Peyton's life, but I still chose to trust. And peace that surpasses all understanding flooded into every crevice of my soul and body.

The next 5 years weren't without temporary bouts of fear. We dealt with high fevers, infection, severe weight loss and two very scary scans showing suspicious spots. But I trusted. I chose to set aside the fear and wait for God to carry out His plan and prepared myself to be an entrance for His glory.

Five years later, Peyton is still with us, still cancer free. To Him be the Glory!

* 15 months after hearing God's words, I was driving in a torrential storm on a busy Interstate. I turned on a local Christian radio station to calm my nerves as I prayed. A Casting Crowns song came on I'd never heard before. They sang, "the voice of Truth tells me a different story, the voice of Truth says 'do not be afraid', the voice of Truth says 'this is for My glory'". I cried and cried as I thanked God for His words that day I needed Him more than I ever had. I thanked Him for his affirmation, that although I didn't know what His plan was for Peyton, I should trust Him and never be afraid.

Life is Funny

2009-10-19T11:37:00.000-07:00
My friend Wendy is funny. What's even more awesome is she has a funny life. And she shares her funny with us. It's awesome! When she does, she has a Life is Funny carnival on her blog. I never participate. It's a combo of ADD tendencies that cause me to forget my funny moments and therefore not post them and being so sick of the computer when I get home, I don't want to get on it again until work the next day, then I forget, repeat vicious circle ad naseaum...

But check it out! Something funny happended AND I'm blogging about it. Yay!

My hubs and I help coach a 10 and under girls softball team. One of the umps we deal with is a real stickler for safety (which we're grateful for). When he calls our games, I know that we have hard and fast (TWSS!) rules we need to stick to. So Saturday, our girls are playing and Mr. Safety is ump-ing. I turn to the girls in the dugout waiting to bat and say "Hey girls, back up behind the fence or Jonathan (the ump) is gonna fuss at you". Our third basemen hears "Jonathan is gonna cuss at you" and starts telling the others to back it up before Jonathan begins spouting some potty mouth. Now they all look terrified. They back up behind the dugout fence and sit still and quiet as little church mice. When I later realize what the deal was, I'm laughing because of the oh-so-serious debates going on in the dugout about what exactly Jonathan might run over and yell at them.

Come back tomorrow when I participate in a different kind of blog carnival. Yeah, I'm a real Renaissance Woman

Tweedly Tweedly Tweet

2009-10-16T06:45:00.000-07:00

So, this will be abbreviated because I stayed home and played mommy for a lot of this week. But it was a fun Twitter-time all the same. And before I get to the snark, big props to my buddy Billy for his book deal. I'm so proud of you Billy and I can't wait for Snow Day!!!

Without further ado:

katdish @marni71 OMGoogle. Your email cracked me up.

OMGoogle! I cracked @katdish up! Take me now Lord, I've peaked and wanna go out on top (TWSS!)

Dear people who throw their gum on the ground: Jesus loves you! Me? Not so much...

br8kthru @marni71 your pain is my pain. But hey, if there were no stupid people how would smart people feel superior? It's the circle of life... :)

@br8kthru Hakuna Matata Jason...

br8kthru @marni71 I can feel the love tonight...

@br8kthru Me too. And I just can't wait to be king...

From me, to you...a very special FOTTSP post. http://bit.ly/4b6iY4

My nine year old and I are totally rockin out to "Barracuda" on Guitar Hero. Homework is just gonna have to wait!

@weightwhat Did someone say Princess Bride??? I have wuv, twue wuv for that movie!

weightwhat @marni71 As you should! And remember, never get involved with a Sicilian when DEATH is on the line!

@weightwhat You killed my father...prepare to die!

@billycoffey Yeah, I'm like a ninja sometimes. Totally quick and hard to see. That's how I roll.

RT @jasonboyett: A bird in the hand is...well, not something you see everyday. Because how did it get there? Is it safe? So many questions.

A UPS truck just tried to kill me while I was on the highway. "What can Brown do for me?" Not swerving into my lane is a good start.

@br8kthru That's happened to us. I'm our webmaster. When I saw that, I just started updating my resume rather than deal with why ;-)

Swine flu, Tamiflu and sleep...boo hoo! A new post is up. http://bit.ly/38RUcJ

Just listened to one of @br8kthru's songs on his blog. Whoa...he's awesome!!!

@br8kthru You're welcome! I'm listening to more right now as I play "make up work". It's helping me not want to open a vein

@PuriChristos You can't throw "ignore this" stuff at women and expect us to listen. That's like throwing chocolate into a crowd of PMS'ers.

@PuriChristos @redclaydiaries See Nick...I think I just made my point. Sorry Steph, I was a false alarm. Breathe slowly...

@PuriChristos What language are you speaking? Is that techie-geek because I don't understand it. Can you do subtitles maybe?

Ding dong the swine flu's dead...yay!!!

RT @MarketerMikeE: RT @LuvStomp: Chronically complaining about the Church is not Christ focused either.

So @katdish is dealing with an injury and a dead vacuum, and @sarahmsalter and @br8kthru are making stapler/ninja stars. Am I all caught up?

Swine Flu, Tamiflu, Sleep...boo hoo!

2009-10-15T09:09:00.000-07:00
So my youngest succumbed to H1N1 early this week. And because we are givers, we likely exposed our entire kids program at church to it as well.

It was so weird. Peyton felt just fine all the way to church. Ten minutes later, one of the moms who volunteers with the kids came and found me saying Peyton was sick. I go upstairs and she's laying across two chairs and rocking the "sick eyes" (those of you with kids know what I mean by "sick eyes"...and it's never a good feeling to see it)

We went home and I gave her some Benedryl sinus since her only symptom was a headache. She slept for about 5 hours and when she woke up...102.1 temp. Oh joy.

Daddy took one for the team and stayed home with her on Monday so I wouldn't miss a work meeting. He got her into the doctor promptly. Given her fever, the nurse met him at the door with a mask and quarantined he and Peyton to the "icky germ" side of the waiting room.

The doc initially tested for Influenza A, but it came back negative. So he tested for H1N1, and ding ding ding....we had a winner. Sigh.

Then came the fun part...finding Tamiflu. One pharmacy warned us there was none to be found in a 3-4 zip code radius. Thank goodness my husband called BS on that ;-) and went to another pharmacy in town because they had it. But the catch was, it was a liquid compound they made up. The directions were literally hand written on a Post It note. I was not amused for some reason.

Peyton ran a fever all day Monday...and then, that was it. I know. I'm stunned too. I don't know if this redneck version of Tamiflu was just that good or God knew anything else might send me over the edge into full on insanity...but Peyton had swine flu for literally a day.

I kept her home from school until today. And that was a beating, let me tell you. She felt fine and was sooooo bored. And another fun detail? Tamiflu hyped her up like no other. She didn't sleep. No, really, SHE DIDN'T SLEEP. And since she didn't sleep, she couldn't understand why we did either. Here's a scenario of the last 3 nights of my life:

11pm

(Mom asleep)

Peyton enters the room..."MOM!!!! Can I have a popsicle?"
Me: No. Go to bed Peyton.
Peyton: PUHLEEEEEEEAAAAAASSSSSE. What if I'm dehydrated? I had a fever yesterday!
Me: Fine. Go to bed.

2AM

(Mom very asleep)
Peyton enters the room..."MOM! I just watched the funniest 'Full House'. Guess what Uncle Jessie said?"
Me: Peyton, WHY ARE YOU STILL UP? Go to sleep!
Peyton: I'm not tired. And I'm so bored. Want to play Phase 10?

5AM

(Mom not as much asleep since now I'm jumpy and can't get into REM)
Peyton enters the room..."MOM! Can we go get McDonald's for breakfast? I'm really hungry and we're out of cereal."
Me: Dear Lord, thank you for sparing my child this awful flu...but seriously???

Repeat this scenario 3 times, and welcome to my life.

In all seriousness, I'm glad she's okay. But man, I so need a nap...

Things I Don't Support

2009-10-07T11:44:00.000-07:00
I stole this from Brian Allain and Jason Boyett. For the record, I do support stealing from other blogs...when they tell you it's okay ;-)

Things I Don't Support:

Sagging pants that show your boxers. Seriously. You look dumb.

Littering

Wal Mart. But it's a love/hate thing since I don't live near a good Target

Slow internet access

Bad driving

Pickled beets

Skanky spambots on Twitter

Elementary school car lines

Thong underwear

People who don't speak sarcasm

The US Postal Service

Reality show "stars"

Perez Hilton

This season of House

Last season of Biggest Loser

FASFA forms

Out of Pocket insurance costs. Because our $800 a month premiums aren't enough? Losers.

Diet Dr Pepper

Pomeranians

Humidity

Sprint Mobile

Okay, so what are yours?

Feathers From My Nest...

2009-09-28T08:06:00.000-07:00
In this journey through cancer, we met and loved some of the most remarkable people. God blessed us with Logan, Weston, Elisha, Griffin and Courtney. We came to love them and their families as our own.

Logan

Weston

Elisha

Griffin

Courtney (with Peyton)

I'll never understand (while I exist in this body) why God needed to take some of these kids we loved so much (Elisha, Grifffin and Courtney). But I rejoice I'll see them again because they left this earth knowing Jesus as their savior. I also rejoice that Logan and Weston have been spared. Join me in praying for their continued health.

I wrote this blog entry 345 days after God called Griffin home, and 11 days after God called Courtney home...
-------------------------------------------------------

I’ve been reading a wonderful book called “Feathers From My Nest”. It’s by a remarkable woman of God named Beth Moore. I’m a huge fan of her Bible studies so I picked this book up about a month ago and began reading. The book is a reflection of Beth’s life from the perspective of a mother whose children have left the nest.

Today, I began reflecting on the feathers from my nest…and bear with me as you read this. For many, this may not make much sense. Courtney and Griffin were not bore from my body, but they were my children. God released love in me for these two sweet souls that I could never have imagined. And long before I was ready, they left my nest. But they left behind such precious feathers that I walk through my house and pick up and marvel over. Let’s start with Griffin’s feathers:

We put wood floors in when Peyton was in treatment. We were desperate to rid our house of carpet because it harbors bacteria and germs are a nightmare in a child with no immune system. As a blessing, the house looks really nice, but that’s not what impressed Grif. Griffin’s first feather in my nest was that he walked in to our home the first time and told me that wood floors are the best floors to hip-hop dance on. And hip-hop skills did this cutie possess!! He took lessons while he still lived in LA. If that weren’t enough, he taught me some too. I had a long and distinguished (HA!) dance career when I was young. My parents put me in pink ballet shoes for the first time when I was two years old. I grew into tap shoes, jazz shoes, and drill team boots over the next 16 years. I hung up my dancing shoes at 19 when I traded up to wedding shoes. It had been a long time since anyone taught me a new kind of dance. Some days when I’m zipping around the house in my socks getting stuff cleaned or cooked, I’ll slide a bit on my wood floors and think of my precious little hip-hopper. I now have some pretty smooth moves for a 30-ish stay at home mom!

Another feather Griffin left in my nest were his sweet little boy clothes. We have girls in this house. Poor Dane is painfully aware of the overflow of estrogen in his kingdom on any day. For a while, we had boys. Loud, jumping, burping boys. And it was great. The day Griffy left us, he wore a bright yellow t-shirt. Later that day, he got sick, so he took a bath and put on his camouflage jammies. He got sick again, so he changed again. I put his clothes in the washer there on the 10th floor for the Oncology families to use. Hours later, Grif went to meet Jesus. In all that, we forgot about his clothes in the washer. One of Grif’s nurses found them, dried them and gave them to me. As you know, Courtney loved Griffin. She was devastated when he died. I took the bright yellow t-shirt, and made a pillow out of it. On the back, I wrote a Bible scripture. She carried it to every clinic visit, every hospital stay, and slept with it every night. We called it her “Griffin pillow”. She loved to hug it since it felt like she was hugging him. I still have the camo-jammies. They are tucked away in my cedar chest where the most precious of my feathers are. I get them out sometimes when I’m having a hard time. I lay them out on the floor and see how small they are and how cute he looked in them. I know Griffin is more than okay. He has his Jesus, and now he has his Courtney, but holding his jammies lets me go back for a moment or two and remember his voice, his hugs, and that smile that melted me each time I saw it.

My favorite feather from Griffin came as a gift to us from him. As Griffin’s cancer progressed the last few days he was here, Monique and Barry insisted on letting Griffin spend one-on-one time with Dane and I so we could say all the things we wanted to say to each other before he left. I promised him Heaven would be the best thing he could imagine and that we would be there soon to see him. I promised him I would never, ever, forget him and would look after his mommy, daddy and Blakey. I also told him that he made me so happy and that I loved him so much. He told me that he loved me and would miss me so much when he went to Heaven and we played a few moments of “remember when’s”. I got lots of hugs on that last day. He played with my hair for a minute and the rest of the time, we talked about Heaven, Jesus, and the farm he knew was waiting on him. That was my gift from him. What I did not expect was that gift to become more than just a precious memory tucked into my heart. Griffin actually made a video telling Dane, the girls and I goodbye. Indeed, that is one of my most treasured feathers from this little man God gave to me for a season. His presence changed me and my heart forever. And I miss my little bird from our nest every single day. Yesterday, I found a precious scripture in Matthew 16:19. It says “…whatever you bind on earth will be bound in Heaven and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in Heaven.” I bound Griffin to my heart here on earth, and God assures me Griffin will be bound to me in Heaven. Until then, I have his feathers to get me through until I see him again.

I have so many feathers from Courtney that I don’t know where to start. I have more from her than I do Griffin because God let me keep this beautiful bird in my nest much longer and much more frequently than Grif. And a few days after she left us, I was afraid that all the feathers she left behind would be too painful to see and touch. But God’s grace is abounding in this nest and her feathers are pure treasures to me. They are reminders of how much she loves us and how I know beyond all doubt that she knows how much she is loved in return.

My first feather from Courtney is the thousands and thousands of memories of I have of her. And it isn’t much of an exaggeration to say that I have photos to match almost every memory with her. My refrigerator, my living room, my computer, and the mirror on my antique dresser in the bedroom is covered in pictures of Courtney. In some, she’s alone, but mostly they have Dane, Peyton, Lindsay, me or any one of her numerous friends in them. I love walking through the house, glancing at the pictures and in my heart, recounting the stories behind them in. Yes, I get sad when I see them because I miss her beyond measure. But in the same breath, I am SO grateful to God for putting her in my life. I also have 14, yes 14 full videos I have taken of our family moments with Courtney and Paige. Countless hours of us at the lake, playing basketball, golfing, swimming, playing tennis, fishing, ice-skating, vacationing in Las Vegas, in the Jeep, hanging around the house just being silly, and my favorite one of all—her testimony. Precious as gold are the feathers that these tapes are to me. I can hear her voice and her contagious, distinct laugh, and see her beauty whenever I want to. I haven’t been able to do that yet, but the day is coming when I’ll be able to sit down and laugh over these tapes and the priceless memories my girl left me.

A favorite of my feathers from Courtney is how she drew her family and my family together and that gave me a friendship with her mother Kelly that will continue to be a God-sent blessing until Kelly and I go live in glory. In the few days after Court’s passing, I traded countless hugs with Kelly. At Courtney’s Celebration of Life Service, I hugged her again, but this time we squeezed harder and cried harder. It was a hug of understanding between two moms of two brave fighters, and a hug from one mother who wished so desperately to take away the hurt of the one who just lost her sunshine. I told Kelly then, “Thank you for sharing her with me.” And she said, “Thank you for loving her so much”. Courtney will always be a blessing in my life, but with Courtney, you get a packaged deal. A six-pack, if you will. We have her family as ours too. All six of them: Kelly, Paige, Britney, Nanny and Pops and of course, Courtney. And the five remaining feathers she left us with—her family-- will be a blessing for the rest of our days here.

I have a treasured Bible. I’ve had it since high school so it’s showing its age. I write in my Bible too. I highlight favorite scriptures, and I often write notes beside the scripture. Courtney always made fun of my Bible cover. To quote her, “It looks like it belongs to an old lady!” And she’s right! It’s kind of grandmotherly, but I haven’t found a good replacement yet. And I NEED a Bible cover because my Bible is overflowing with treasures that would fall out if not for the zippered-protection my geriatric cover afforded. The bulk of the treasures tucked in the pages of God’s beautiful Word are feathers given to me from God’s beautiful servant Courtney. I miss her most on Sunday’s because she ALWAYS sat with me at church. She would have friends all around her, but she always saved a seat for me on one side of her. Inevitably, she would write me a note mid-way through church and ask “Where are we going to eat?” And each time I would write back, “You pick. I don’t care.” And then we’d go back and forth for the duration of the sermon. Not just discussing lunch, but just writing about whatever. The lunch question just always triggered the note sessions. We talked about what God was speaking to us about through the sermon, we’d talk about boys, we’d talk about friends, or more often than not, we’d trade inside jokes. Every Sunday we did this. EVERY SUNDAY. My inside Bible cover is stuffed with these notes. Priceless feathers. Every one of them. I have a flower pressed in the book of Luke. She gave me the flower on Mother’s Day. I have a photo of her tucked in Revelation because she longed for Jesus’ second coming as much as I do. I have a plant leaf I picked her on a mountain in Colorado when God spoke to me about her role in my life and vice versa. It’s tucked away in 1 Samuel. I have cards from her, I have a picture she colored me from a coloring book during a particularly morphined moment at the hospital. It says, “To you. Love me”. I have an old appointment slip from clinic. I even have an old hospital bracelet. Who knows how that found it’s way there!

My favorite feathers of all are remnants of Courtney’s faith. I have notes of impromptu Bible studies she and I had. Scripture she and I found and highlighted in each other’s Bibles, and prayers we would write together. She found me sitting in the living room alone about 1:00 am many, many months ago. She asked me what I was doing. I told her, “Having my quiet time with God”. She seemed intrigued at the concept, so she started doing it as well. When she was with me, we usually did our quiet time together. We’d each study scripture, pray and make notes in our journals. Sometimes we shared what God told us. Sometimes we sat in complete silence. But those moments left indelible fingerprints on my soul. The basis of mine and Courtney’s relationship was our shared love of Jesus and my favorite feathers from her will always be that which points me to God.

Courtney liked to tease me that we could never really define what my title was for who I was in her life. Friend didn’t seem to cover all the bases. Mother and big sister were sacred roles already filled in her life. For purposes of getting me in all the ER visits and post-op surgical floor visits, I was Aunt Marni. We didn’t want the hospital hassling us over our lack of shared DNA so we fudged a little. But one role was crystal clear. I was Courtney’s Sunday School teacher. She was a member of our church and Dane and I teach the Young Adult SS class. She cheated each Saturday night and swiped my notes for the next morning’s lesson so she could see what we’d be studying the next day. One Sunday in early June, we did a lesson on Joy. Happiness comes from things. And happiness is temporary. Joy comes from the Lord, and nothing can take it if you truly have it. I asked the kids in our class if there was ever a time when they lost all happiness, but kept their joy. Having had time to formulate an answer due to swiping my notes the night before, in just a few sentences, Courtney reduced me to tears as she told our class that cancer often took her happiness, but Jesus was the source of her joy and cancer couldn’t touch it. The next day, she and I bribed Paige and Lindsay with the promise of pedicures if they’d watch Peyton for the afternoon, and we went shopping. We ended up in a Christian book store. When we got home later, she gave me a present she secretly bought for me at the book store. It was a frame. And she put a picture of she and I sitting together in her hospital bed. The frame simply says “Joy”. She handed it to me and said, “Marni, you give me joy and I love you.” That frame and it’s picture sit in a place of honor in my home. I hope they bury me with it. Feathers from my nest. Not glamorous or flashy ones. They’re better. They are day to day feathers. Reminders of how ingrained she was in my day to day life. Reminders of how tightly she too was bound to me on this earth, and, praise God, how tightly she will be bound to me in Heaven.

My precious birds left me way too soon. But they fly with Jesus now and He let me have them for a time so I could accumulate these feathers to show how much He loves me and How blessed I really am despite the hurt my heart has felt. And I will find strength in my memories and my feathers to carry on the promise I’ve made to God.

Love,

Marni

Taking it old school...again

2009-09-28T07:59:00.000-07:00
September is Childhood cancer Awareness Month. I'll be posting about a child we met through my daughter Peyton's journey through cancer from 2003-2004.

I also dedicate this series to my brave little fighter Peyton, who this month, has reached the milestone of 5 years as cancer-free. In the cancer world, making it to 5 years is a near-guarantee her original cancer won't come back. But the ugly secret with childhood cancer is that secondary cancers often come back, sometimes as soon as 10 years from the original diagnosis. Ironically, these secondary cancers are caused by exposure to chemotherapy and radiation used to stop the original cancer.

As you read about the kids I'll profile, please pray for less invasive cures as research gets better and better. Please pray for the funding of the research, and please pray for the families of the kids effected by the devastation cancer can bring.

I wrote this post originally on November 18, 2004...

Blessed be Your name, in the land that is plentiful, where Your streams of abundance flows, blessed be Your name...

As you can tell from the last journal entry, we've recently had to deal with too many special people in our lives paying the ultimate price for their disease. It gets more and more painful everyday to lose one child after another to a disease that MUST be stopped.

And blessed be Your name, when I’m found in the desert place, though I walk through the wilderness, blessed be Your name…

When Dane and the girls and I started down this road together last year, Peyton was our introduction into a world I scarcely knew existed--childhood cancer. I always assumed it was incredibly rare, and that all children had leukemia. It never really occurred to me that kids get cancers that are far more aggressive or deadly than even the scariest ALL or AML. But as we made friends through the hospital and Caringbridge, I realized how very wrong I was. Jakey Bear was our first Caringbridge friend that we lost, and we lost him to a vicious brain tumor that as of now, has no cure but Heaven. It was a cruel wake up call that cancer does kill children sometimes. Because of Jake and his site, we went on to find many, many other friends, and slowly, we have now started to lose some of them. In the last several months we said goodbye to Paige, Miranda, Ian, Connor and Cheyenne--all to cancer (see links below). I never got to meet these children, I just had the privilege of reading their stories, praying for them, and occasionally exchanging heartfelt emails with their hopeful, yet fearful parents. Frankly there have been many, many other kids I've kept up with and then lost, but sometimes I would find them as they were end-stage and it was too painful to list them on Peyton's page only to lose them a very short time later.

And blessed be Your name, when the sun‘s shining down on me, when the world‘s all as it should be, blessed be Your name..

Next came a tougher wake up call. Many kids listed on this page are now personal friends of ours. We get together at each other's homes, we talk on the phone, we share our souls--we are friends in the purest sense of the word. And they all have or had cancer. Dane and I love Weston, Griffin, Logan and Courtney as if they are our own. And as people who love them in a way as if they belonged to us, we won‘t stand to lose any one of them to cancer. And so, with God's guidance, we intend to do what it takes to support research to effectively treat and ELIMINATE cancer from this planet. It's no longer about being satisfied with seeing Peyton in remission, we want ALL children in remission, and to stay there.

And blessed be Your name, on the road marked with suffering, though there’s pain in the offering, blessed be Your name…

Dane and I have seen the grieving faces of parents as they buried their beautiful, warrior of a daughter. We have held the hands of parents whose child is in the midst of an invasive Bone Marrow Transplant and its horrible side effect in hopes of saving his young life. We have looked into the eyes of parents who are watching their child stare down the same cancer for the third time and seeing their fear and knowing that they wonder if this battle will be the last. We have listened to the anguish of parents who were so grateful their child has beaten his cancer but who watched him suffer through the trauma of treatment and angst over the long term side effects that are inevitable. We have seen a remarkable and beautiful young woman put her dreams of college, and all that goes with that experience, on hold while she battles her cancer--again. And make no mistake, ALL the parents of these precious fighters live and breathe a reality of what cancer can do to a young body and mind. Two of these loved ones are fighting relapses, which I know is every cancer parent’s worst nightmare. And we can't take it anymore.

Every blessing you pour out, I’ll turn back to praise. When the darkness closes in Lord, still I will say; Blessed be the name of the Lord, blessed be your name. Blessed be the name of the Lord, blessed be Your glorious name

Childhood cancer: Did you know that 1 in 330 children will be diagnosed with some form of cancer by age 20? Let that thought sink in. But now think about this; children get cancer when their brain and body are at their most critical development phase. Many children and young adults are subjected to aggressive chemotherapy and oftentimes radiation, on a body that is still trying to grow and in a brain that is still developing. Pediatric Oncologists will be the first to tell you they are unsure of all the long term effects of cancer treatments in kids. As one of Peyton’s doctors put it, “I don’t know what the full spectrum of long term effects for Peyton’s future is, given the aggressive level of treatment she’s been subjected to, but I know that we’ve given her the best possible treatment to help ensure that her future will exist”. We agree that the level of treatment Peyton received was in her very best interest, and we hope God will allow her to grow old and one day barely recall what she went through medically, but should saving her and all the others like her have to come with a trade off of future harm, or for many, potentially deadly consequences? All of these kids have already sacrificed a normal childhood, but now they are left to grow up with altered bodies, neurotoxicity, and yes, even higher risk for secondary cancers later in life due to the high doses of chemo and radiation. How's that for some warped irony?

You give and take away, You give and take away…

Adult cancer: In contrast, 1 in 3 adults get cancer, (77 per-cent of on-sets occurring after age 55). Given the sheer numbers of people that effects, that does make adult cancer research seem more critical of our research and money. But does that really make sense? Should relieving cancer victims, of any age, be a contest when it comes to money and research opportunites? Shouldn’t we all benefit from research, not just those in the “majority”? The last two weeks have been enlightening, and I dare say, a betrayal, to Dane and I. Organizations we trusted to use our money, and more importantly, our daughter’s story, to wage war on cancer are not treating childhood cancer with the same level of research funding as adult cancer. To us, that is nothing short of unacceptable. How do you justify spending more money on adults based on the amount of people afflicted. At least the benefactors of this cancer research have experienced adulthood, many kids in the childhood cancer world don't see high school. One organization I contacted listed the “big 4 cancers” if you will, they funnel the bulk of their donations to: Colon, Prostate, Breast and Lung. Every one of them are vicious cancers and every one of them deserves funding to eliminate them and improve treatments for current patients, but these are almost exclusively adult cancers. And while there are always exceptions, most, but not all, are brought about by lifestyle choices. Childhood cancer is dominated by leukemias, brain tumors and cancers of the nervous system, the lymphatic system, kidneys, bones and muscles . Childhood cancer is the 6th most common form of cancer in the entire cancer category (adult and children) but it is receiving less than 5 percent of the overall funding taken in by the organization I spoke with. And that is where the betrayal set in for us.

My heart will choose to say, “Lord blessed be Your name”…

I strongly encourage everyone to donate time and money to researching a cure for cancer. It’s all destructive and brings on so much fear and sadness, and it must be stopped. But God has given Dane and I a heart for CHILDREN with cancer, and that is where our loyalty will lie from this point on. After much research and prayer, Dane and I have found an amazing organization dedicated solely to funding childhood cancer. We encourage you to visit CureSearch and start getting involved. Our friends and families and cancer patient families are now aware of this site and many are already signing up to get involved. There are numerous ways you can help, the most immediate being donations. There is also an online gift shop where you can purchase art created by childhood cancer fighters and survivors. You can sign up to become an advocate and start an emailing or letter writing campaign to our government officials and insist childhood cancer be funded as adequately as adult cancer. God has also laid on my heart many, many times about the importance of blood and platelet donations. ALL of “our kids” have needed blood and platelets while in treatment, so this hits close to home for me. I also strongly encourage you to become a bone marrow donor. For transplant kids, it is literally a matter of life or death to receive healthy donor marrow. If you are pregnant, consider donating your cord blood to save a life. Go to the National Marrow Donor Program to find more information about cord blood donation and marrow donation.

Blessed be the name of the Lord, blessed be Your name. Blessed be the name of the Lord, blessed be Your glorious name.

And as always, we know that this cancer and what it does to not only the victims, but those who love them as well, will never go away until we commit to pray it off this planet. The Bible tells us, “Ask and it will be given; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives; he who seeks, finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.” (Matthew 7:7-8, NIV) We just need to be asking. All of us. And God’s Word promises us, it will be given. Cancer is a big, powerful disease, but we have a bigger and merciful God and His son, Jesus, is the ultimate healer. “What is impossible with men, is possible with God”. (Luke 18:27, NIV). Now go. Write checks, register to donate blood, platelets and marrow. Become an advocate for a child whose voice is not being heard in the cancer funding world. And pray…humble yourselves and pray.

Marni

Childhood cancer research is woefully underfunded in comparison to adult cancers. But there are research hospitals who are making huge strides in curing cancer, and in the meantime, trying to make the treatment safer for the kids who endure it. Personally, my family and I help fund 3 organizations who are making a real difference in fighting childhood cancer. If you want to help, go to:

Curesearch,
St Jude Research Hospital,
Children's cancer Fund and Children's Medical Center of Dallas

Sometimes, all you can do is make a child smile to help them forget their illness or give families the support they need. We're big fans of these organizations as well:

Make A Wish, Habitat for Hope and Candlelighters Childhood cancer Foundation

Aren't you all beautiful?

2009-09-25T10:29:00.001-07:00
My Twitter friends...beautiful inside and out...

Get your twitter mosaic here.

And speaking of my Tweeps, here is my posting for the week for my Smarty-Pantser buddies. Enjoy!

katdish@marni71 - Well since you mentioned me twice in one tweet, I will be nice to you.

@Helenatrandom I'm being followed by Poo. And not "Winnie the " either...

br8kthru@marni71 whatever you do, don't sit on the toilet when it explodes. Just a warning... I'm looking out for you

katdish@marni71 Ugh! Why do people have to ruin all my fun?

br8kthru@marni71 Yeah, ignoring @katdish would be like ignoring a spreading rash -it's to your own detriment

billycoffey@katdish @marni71 @PeterPollock Is it too late to add a picture of @katdish laughing maniacally to my Things That Scare Me post?

@marni71: @PeterPollock @br8kthru @billycoffey @katdish If Jason does make that picture, send me the link so I'll know NOT to go there.

br8kthru@marni71 most people don't know that clorox makes a superb dipping sauce- tangy!

redclaydiaries@marni71 That's exactly what MY kids' school smells like! And sweaty kids. Can't forget the sweaty kids.

br8kthru@marni71 You haven't lived until you've tried my scrubbing bubbles souffle.

br8kthru@marni71 Can't go wrong with spray cheese on your finger. Highbrow & delicious.

@Helenatrandom I had peanut butter on a spoon for dinner last night. I got the recipe from @weightwhat

sarahmsalter@marni71 Got a little road rage today, Marni?

PuriChristos@marni71 mmmm pork

CandySteele@marni71 hey Marni - have a great day! I'm off now - saving lives and stamping out disease....

@CandySteele Yay for Nurse Candy! Wait a minute...that sounds...naughty. ;-)

@marni71 September is childhood cancer awareness month. http://bit.ly/q4gRA

BridgetChumbley@marni71 Isn't it swell to bond over the H1N1 germs and sounds of screaming and puking? LOL Thanks, Marni.

jdblundell@marni71 dilute gives me a picture of Jesus saying what you think matters not just how you act.

RT @br8kthru: @sarahmsalter spreading the wealth? socialist.///hahahahahaha!

weightwhat@marni71 Hi Marni! Want to dance with @HerbieGookins and me?

br8kthru@marni71 nice how I worked in Falkor though right? right?

@br8kthru At any rate, thanks for the stupid song in my head.

sarahmsalter@marni71 Girl look at u gettin' all free up in here! When I was growin' up the Baptists in our 'hood didn't raise hands except in school.

@Helenatrandom No, no, no. We're against anything that's fun. Get it right Helen.

sarahmsalter@marni71 So, fornication is okay as long as it isn't fun?

billycoffey@marni71 Actually, the Rangers are my second favorite team. We're still tight, Marni.

@billycoffey Whew! I'm glad. I don't want to see us go the way of you and @katdish or me and @br8kthru ;-)

billycoffey@marni71 I agree. I can only fight with one Texan at a time.

@Helenatrandom I read your tweet wrong. I thought you said you were flashing people ;-)

@marni71: Feeling led to #bethechurch in a powerful and creative way? Here's something you could do. http://bit.ly/12CEBr

@br8kthru @sarahmsalter Sensitive schmensitive. I want a man who can open up a can of whoop-a if he has too...not write a poem about it.

@sarahmsalter I found my balance :-) He's a hunk of man who can bench press a Volkswagen, but still slow dances w/ me in the kitchen

Found all of my old Prince CD's. I shall now quote his song lyrics all day. JK! @weightwhat would stop being my friend if I did that.

@billycoffey Awww Billy. Nothing Compares 2 U.

@macpowell Flash Forward was so good! Ole Miss/SC game? Not so much ;)

Taking it old school...

2009-09-22T09:51:00.000-07:00
September is Childhood cancer Awareness Month. I'll be posting about a child we met through my daughter Peyton's journey through cancer from 2003-2004.

I also dedicate this series to my brave little fighter Peyton, who this month, has reached the milestone of 5 years as cancer-free. In the cancer world, making it to 5 years is a near-guarantee her original cancer won't come back. But the ugly secret with childhood cancer is that secondary cancers often come back, sometimes as soon as 10 years from the original diagnosis. Ironically, these secondary cancers are caused by exposure to chemotherapy and radiation used to stop the original cancer.

As you read about the kids I'll profile, please pray for less invasive cures as research gets better and better. Please pray for the funding of the research, and please pray for the families of the kids effected by the devastation cancer can bring.

So blogger and I aren't getting along right now. Scheduled posts aren't going up, some are missing...blah blah blah. So until I get it together, I propose we take it old school.

This is a post I wrote on Peyton's Caringbridge page as she was about to finish up treatment. I'm posting this re-run because I'm still thankful to all I mention in it and for all they did for us. You know who you are, and you know I love you and am grateful for you...to the moon and back!

Thursday July 15, 2004

When peace like a river, attendeth my way;
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well with my soul.

At 7:00 pm on December 26, 2003, my 2 daughters, my mom, my sister, Dane and I were outside playing on the playground at Children's Medical Center of Dallas. We were waiting to be seen in the ER for some relatively minor blood in Peyton's urine. Earlier in the day, our doctor felt a small lump on Peyton's right kidney and felt it was likely a cyst, but we should have it looked at just in case. By 7:00 am, December 27, 2003, a Urologist was placing CT films on a light board and telling us we were looking at a large and aggressive cancerous tumor.

It has been an amazing 6 months and 18 days. Peyton has responded well to treatment. There were many vicious chemo side effects that could have come our way, but they didn't. For that we can only thank our loving God for hearing our pleas and answering them so faithfully. Some statistics: Peyton endured 8 large rounds of chemo, plus weekly chemo in the clinic, 2 blood transfusions, 2 fever spikes due to low counts, 2 treatment delays due to low counts, 2 "bonus" hospital stays due to low counts, 80 GCSF shots to elevate her blood counts, 2 finger pokes per week to check her blood count level, 3 CT Scans, 2 MRI's, 4 ultrasounds, 7 chest and abdomen x-rays, a bone scan, a bone marrow aspiration, major surgery to remove her right kidney and the tumor that was destroying it, 6 days of radiation--and now, we are done. Our doctors don't know the full scope of what long term side effects Peyton might have. Hearing loss, fertility issues, delayed growth
development and attention disorders are real possibilities, but we'll deal with that if it comes. There are no words to suffice what gratitude, relief, and praise we have for our friend and savior, Jesus, for leading us through these last months with the promise of healing and mercy.

On that terrible day of diagnosis, I begged God for peace to help our family through whatever we were about to go through. And peace, indeed, He gave us. Dane and I always had the understanding that we were to learn something from God through Peyton's cancer, and we did. God grew us spiritually, as a couple, and as better parents. He gave us many opportunities to minister to other families, and even staff and many others ministered to us as well. We were blessed then, and continue to be now because of the special people who are now forever part of our lives.

God brought 5 very special families into our lives, and although we wish cancer wasn't what we all had in common, we are nevertheless grateful for the love that is
coming out of something so scary. Marcie, Wally and Logan; we are so grateful to know you and we love you all so much. Your trust in Jesus to heal Logan (and He did!) was inspiring to us and your friendship to us, and your love and concern for Peyton has touched us in ways that only other cancer parents would understand. We marvel at how God worked to place us in the same place at the same time and then have us strike up a conversation that led us through months of emails and visits so we could love and support each other. Monique, Barry, Griffin and Blake; you are all so special to us because God moved you all the way to Texas so we could meet you and be amazed at your family, your strength and your miraculous, fighter of a 6 year old. You have been traveling this road a lot longer than any of us, and yet you are so positive and focused. Griffin is a walking, talking testimony to the power
of God over disease and we are so blessed you show that to us everytime we get together. We love you all. Daryl, Sherrie, Chelsea, Heather, Kristina, Colton, and precious little Weston; Your family coming into our lives was a direct result of prayer. The first months of Peyton's diagnosis was so lonely for us at times. We were constantly in clinic, at radiation, or in the hospital and we rarely left the house because Peyton felt so lousy. I specifically asked God to lead me to someone who understood what it was like to be the mother of a cancer kid, and then I met Sherrie. As an added measure to ensure we would meet, God made sure that I had a friend who happened to know a friend of Sherrie's.
Some might say, "it's a small world", but it's not a small world, He's a big God...Weston was diagnosed within days of Peyton, Weston and Peyton have the same primary Oncologist, and therefore have the same clinic days. In 6 months and 18 days, Peyton has only been in the hospital once when Sherrie and Weston weren't there too. Sherrie and I had decided that if we have to be in the hospital, at least we're in together and we can hang out or hang on, depending on the reason for the stay. In such a short period of time, Sherrie has become one of the most important people in my life and at any given time, she knows what I'm feeling when I can't explain to anyone else, and vice versa. So many set backs in Weston's recovery, and yet your faith never wavers. We know you and Daryl get scared and discouraged, but yourally everytime. Your faith and patience stun us at times. Continue to give God control, keep loving each other and your wonderful kids, and wait in expectation of the miracle God will show you. We love all of you very much.

Mary and Elisha...your faith grew my faith. As iron sharpens iron. Little Elisha, you made us laugh and want to be brave. How do we thank you for that little man?

And Kelly, Britney and my sweet angel Courtney. We've said this before Court, but I would also walk through cancer again just so I could know you and love you. You three were my rock. No words will ever be enough.

We would never have made it through this journey as well were it not for the love and help of our families and our friends. Many of you put your lives on hold while you helped us with whatever need we had. To our parents, thank you for loving our girls so much. Thank you for coming to the hospital every time we were in, calling everyday to check on us, watching the girls when Dane and I needed some time to go out and enjoy each other, keeping and entertaining Lindsay while we were in for hospital stays, and most importantly, praying for us and loving us and the girls in a way no other human beings could. How hard it must have been for you to not only watch your granddaughters hurt and struggle, but to watch your children hurt and struggle as well. But you set those feelings aside to help us when we needed it most.
Stephanie, you have both impressed and amazed me through these last months. You are more than just a sister to me,you are my closest friend. Dane and I depended on you for so much, and you always came through. We love you very much. There isn't anything we can do to repay all of you except to celebrate defeat of Peyton's cancer with you. Please know that this experience was made much better because of all of you.

Dane and I want to thank Drs. Bob Felty and Chad Coleman. They are our family doctors and have been so wonderful to us, even before Peyton was sick. When Peyton presented with blood in her urine, it was a Sunday, so I called a local emergency room. The nurse I spoke with told me blood in the urine wasn't a big deal and it was likely a bladder infection or UTI. When I called Dr. Coleman on Monday morning, he wanted to see Peyton right away. He was calm, but told us that bloody urine in a child is never "no big deal". He drew blood, and bless him, he used Emla cream to numb Peyton's arm before sticking her because "No child should have to feel a needle stick this close to Christmas", and said we should have some results by the next day or two when the cultures would have time to grow or not. Dr. Coleman knew he would be out the next 2 days due to the Christmas holidays, but promised he would keep in contact with the lab and with us. The bleeding was worse the day after Christmas, so we went back to the doctor. Dr. Felty knew about Peyton's situation and had already consulted with the lab and Dr. Coleman for results. The blood failed to grow a culture, so we knew it wasn't an infection we were looking for. Dr. Felty said that Peyton's symptoms could mean a cyst, so he felt around on her belly and back, and detected what we now know to be the tumor. He sent us to Children's right away and called ahead to inform the Urologist what Peyton's symptoms were and to let her know we were waiting for admittance through the ER. Both Dr. Felty and Dr. Coleman have continued to follow Peyton throughout these last months. Were it not for them and their dilligence to find out what was wrong, we could have lost precious time in finding the culprit. We could have been subjected to numerous, useless tests in the ER had you not honed in on an area of concern. I have lost count of how many horror stories I have heard from other parents about how their children were misdiagnosed for weeks or months. Not us. God blessed us with these two godly men who cared enough for Peyton to keep going until they were sure of her diagnosis--and it was Christmas. How easy it would have been to put us off until after the holidays. They are dads too, and I know they thought like dads as they helped us get to the bottom of Peyton's symptoms. We know God blesses you both because you are both good Christian men, but please know we pray for your continued blessings for what you have done for us. As a post-script, there are two neat coincidences with these two doctors. Peyton had a team for Relay for Life. The Chairpersons for the event were Jimmy and Shannon Beaudoin. Shannon is Dr. Felty's nurse. Peyton has a Child Life Specialist at Children's. Her name is Ashleigh. Ashleigh will be marrying Dr. Coleman's brother later this year. As I said in the last post, it's not a small world, He's a big God.

BIG thank you's to Peyton's team of Oncologists: Dr. Victor Aquino (primary Oncologist), Dr. Dan Bowers, Dr. Jonathan Wickiser, Dr. LaJuan Jones, Dr. Scott Cameron, Dr. Patrick Leavey, Dr. Andy Collier, and Dr. Matther Porteus. There are many wonderful Oncologists at Children' and these were the doctors we had the most contact with. Throught the last several months, we were blessed by the presence of these fine men and women and their support of what Peyton was going through and what we were up against. Thank you for not only sharing your knowledge of cancer and what it can and cannot do, but also for your unwavering confidence in the treatment course that was best for Peyton. This was an incredibly rare cancer, and you never batted an eye at how it was beatable and treatable.

Also, thank you to the comforting presence of the nurses at CCBD (clinic) and the AWESOME 10th floor nurses. To Joe Don Cavender (RN PNP)and Julie Steele (RN PNP)--many hospital stays and clinic days, you gave us such comfort and peace with your assurance that Peyton was tolerating treatment so well. You spent above-and-beyond-the-call-of-duty time with us and we are so grateful. (Another cool coincidence??--Joe Don and Dane used to play football against each other in high school!!) Andrea Windich (RN CPON)--our friend, and the world's greatest Oncology Nurse, what would we have done without you? You are so great to Peyton. You were generous with your love and kisses to Peyton and with sharing your faith and love of Jesus, and your friendship with Dane and I. To our beloved nurses on the 10th floor--you are the reason we survived in-patient treatment! You made us all feel comfortable and relaxed about treatment. You are the reason Peyton actually looked forward to hospital stays. We love you Tami, Mary, Paige, Phyllis, Stacy, Lizzie, Amy, Amanda, Amanda, Alexis, Heather, Mel, Jessica, Donna Donuts, Ignacio, Allen, Cindy, and Karley. Thank you to the wonderful housekeeping staff. You not only went to great lengths to take care of us and our rooms, but you never failed to ask how we were and how Peyton's treatment was going. Thank you to Lucy for your smiling face and kindness everytime we checked in upstairs. Thank you to our awesome lab team (clinic) for making the finger pokes as quick and painless as possible. Thank you to Karen for remembering us each clinic check-in and giving Peyton a hello hug everytime you saw her. Thank you to Torri for taking such good care of Peyton while in triage. You always let Peyton help you with the blood pressure cuff and scale and made her feel part of the process. Thank you to Kristin and Shawnna. These special, special ladies are Peyton's Child Life Specialists. Shawnna taught Peyton invaluable breathing techniques and taught her to keep herself calm during scary times (like port accessing and de-accessing, breathing treatments and finger pokes). These skills were a life-saver. Your help meant the difference between a rough, scary six months, or a smooth sailing six months like we had. Thank you for your wisdom and friendship. Kristin, thank you for making clinic something we all actually looked forward to. You let Peyton be your helper when it came time to clean up, and being a helper is Peyton's favorite thing to do. Thank you for your friendship and your skills with with children. You helped us pass many a long day in clinic. Thank you both for answering the call to work with children. I imagine your job can be so hard because it's not something you leave at the door when you go home, but you told me the good far outweigh the bad, and we are all blessed to have you and benefit from your gifts of compassion and love.

To our angels in blue; thank you to the wonderful men and women of the Dallas Police Department for rallying together for the sake of a little girl. Thank you to Sally and Dave who were so understanding and flexible about Dane's schedule so he could be with his family when we needed him the most. Thank you to the officers who came to the hospital to not only cheer up Peyton, but came bearing gifts for all the other patients in the HemOnc clinic and HemOnc 10th floor. Thank you to the Dallas Police Association, Wish Upon a Star and all the kind souls who donated money to Peyton's chili cook-off so that money for medical bills would be one less thing for us to worry about. Thank you to the Youth Operations for the bake sale and for being the first to show us that the department wasn't going to let us go down this road alone. So many of you are like family to us, and how blessed we are to have you in our lives.

Thank you, Lindsay for staying brave during this time. You had to sacrifice a lot while daddy and I were away so much and taking care of Peyton. While we had some tough times, you have kept your focus on Jesus and knew that someday this would be over. This was a lot to deal with, but you did it. You are a super big sister and daughter. We love you very much. Dane, there is nobody else that I could have gone through this with. I have loved you since I was a kid, and you have never let me down. Now that we are on the other side of this, I can see cleary that you and I are extensions of each other. You knew just what to say and do to comfort me or make me laugh when we were having the bad days. I love you. Peyton, you are so brave and you never questioned why you had to deal with cancer and chemo. What a testimony you have to share with the world, and you are only 4! God has such great things planned for you. In 6 short months, we have watched you inspire and amaze all kinds of people. We are so blessed God has entrusted you and your sister to us.

I've saved the best for last. To God, who is able to do immeasurably more than we can ask or imagine...we praise You and thank You and love You so much for Your presence, mercy, and love. Thank You for hearing our cries and prayers and answering them in ways we couldn't have imagined. Thank You for sending Your Son to die so we could live. Thank You for the righteous and loving
people we have in our lives and for the new ones you continue to bring into our lives. Who are we that you should pour out blessing after blessing and forgive us of our stumbles and sins? Thank You for knowing how it feels to see your child suffer and therefore showing us how to make it for Your glory. Thank You for loving our girls more than we ever could and for being in complete control of Peyton's healing and peace. To our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ...You told us on that that darkest moment after Peyton's surgery, "Do not be afraid", and then released Your peace into us so we wouldn't be.
Of all the blessings you've given us in these months, that one is the most precious and we are so grateful. Thank you for drawing us nearer to you. Thank You for knowing that although we would have to walk through the darkness for a while, you would lead the way to the other side. Thank you for Your very real and very strong presence. Thank You for being the center of our family, our lives, and for dying for us so that we have the assurance that we will one day be taken from this place where people suffer, hurt, fear, rage, and have no hope, to live with you for eternity. We love you for who You are and what You do
for Your children.

We go to clinic next week for counts. I'll update more then...May the peace and love that only comes from God be with everyone who sees this page.

Marni

Childhood cancer research is woefully underfunded in comparison to adult cancers. But there are research hospitals who are making huge strides in curing cancer, and in the meantime, trying to make the treatment safer for the kids who endure it. Personally, my family and I help fund 3 organizations who are making a real difference in fighting childhood cancer. If you want to help, go to:

Curesearch,
St Jude Research Hospital,
Children's cancer Fund and Children's Medical Center of Dallas

Sometimes, all you can do is make a child smile to help them forget their illness or give families the support they need. We're big fans of these organizations as well:

Make A Wish, Habitat for Hope and Candlelighters Childhood cancer Foundation

Childhood cancer Awareness Month--Lauryn

2009-09-17T11:21:00.000-07:00
September is Childhood cancer Awareness Month. Every day this month, I'll be posting about a child we met through my daughter Peyton's journey through cancer from 2003-2004.

I also dedicate this series to my brave little fighter Peyton, who this month, has reached the milestone of 5 years as cancer-free. In the cancer world, making it to 5 years is a near-guarantee her original cancer won't come back. But the ugly secret with childhood cancer is that secondary cancers often come back, sometimes as soon as 10 years from the original diagnosis. Ironically, these secondary cancers are caused by exposure to chemotherapy and radiation used to stop the original cancer.

As you read about the kids I'll profile, please pray for less invasive cures as research gets better and better. Please pray for the funding of the research, and please pray for the families of the kids effected by the devastation cancer can bring.

I am seriously behind in this. I am SO sorry. Petyon had strep throat, so I missed some work and am in catch up mode.

Lauryn and Peyton became fast friends in clinic. Lauryn was a kind and smart 9 year old who was battling a brain tumor relapse. Even though Peyton was younger, Lauryn always played with her in the playroom or at craft time in the clinic. Lauryn's claim to fame were her beautiful fingernails. All the nurses were always complimenting her on what great manicures she gave herself. And when she was feeling well, Lauryn would kindly give manicures to the other kids. Peyton thought Lauryn was so cool! :-) One time, we were at a store that sold manicure kits and Peyton insisted we buy it for Lauryn, so we did. The next time the girls were in-patient together, Peyton went to give the kit to Lauryn, but couldn't because Lauryn was neutropenic and susceptible to infection and couldn't have visitors. So one of the nurses took the kit to Lauryn and she wrote Peyton a thank you note. Before long, the nurses gave the girls each a white board to write messages on (we had to help with Peyton's messages since she was only 3 and couldn't write yet!) They held the messages up in front of Lauryn's door window to communicate. They did this until Lauryn needed to rest. It's a great memory for us...

Jesus called Lauryn Home in March of 2005. At her visitation, I tried very hard not to cry in front of her parents, but did, nevertheless. Her dad told me "Oh Marni, please don't cry. Lauryn is with Jesus now. She told me they were going to pick flowers together and I know she is doing that with Him and is so happy again." And I know she is too. And I can't wait to see her again.

Please join me in praying for her family and thanking God for their faith despite the pain this life has given them...

Childhood cancer research is woefully underfunded in comparison to adult cancers. But there are research hospitals who are making huge strides in curing cancer, and in the meantime, trying to make the treatment safer for the kids who endure it. Personally, my family and I help fund 3 organizations who are making a real difference in fighting childhood cancer. If you want to help, go to:

Curesearch,
St Jude Research Hospital,
Children's cancer Fund and Children's Medical Center of Dallas

Sometimes, all you can do is make a child smile to help them forget their illness or give families the support they need. We're big fans of these organizations as well:

Make A Wish, Habitat for Hope and Candlelighters Childhood cancer Foundation

Childhood cancer Awareness Month--Jonathan

2009-09-14T07:28:00.000-07:00
September is Childhood cancer Awareness Month. Every day this month, I'll be posting about a child we met through my daughter Peyton's journey through cancer from 2003-2004.

I also dedicate this series to my brave little fighter Peyton, who this month, has reached the milestone of 5 years as cancer-free. In the cancer world, making it to 5 years is a near-guarantee her original cancer won't come back. But the ugly secret with childhood cancer is that secondary cancers often come back, sometimes as soon as 10 years from the original diagnosis. Ironically, these secondary cancers are caused by exposure to chemotherapy and radiation used to stop the original cancer.

As you read about the kids I'll profile, please pray for less invasive cures as research gets better and better. Please pray for the funding of the research, and please pray for the families of the kids effected by the devastation cancer can bring.

Jonathan's mom Anne found us through a CCSK site. Jonathan had just been diagnosed with CCSK and his parents were scared and looking for information and support. Peyton was about halfway through treatment when Jonathan began treatment and Anne and I emailed alot about quirky side effects from the chemo and how staying positive and full of faith was our only option. Jonathan completed treatment within 8 months of diagnosis and 2 months later, was declared in remission! Today, Jonathan is a healthy second grader who will celebrate 5 years remission very soon!!

Childhood cancer research is woefully underfunded in comparison to adult cancers. But there are research hospitals who are making huge strides in curing cancer, and in the meantime, trying to make the treatment safer for the kids who endure it. Personally, my family and I help fund 3 organizations who are making a real difference in fighting childhood cancer. If you want to help, go to:

Curesearch,
St Jude Research Hospital,
Children's cancer Fund and Children's Medical Center of Dallas

Sometimes, all you can do is make a child smile to help them forget their illness or give families the support they need. We're big fans of these organizations as well:

Make A Wish, Habitat for Hope and Candlelighters Childhood cancer Foundation

Childhood cancer Awareness Month--Alex's Lemonade

2009-09-11T12:30:00.000-07:00
September is Childhood cancer Awareness Month. Every day this month, I'll be posting about a child we met through my daughter Peyton's journey through cancer from 2003-2004.

I also dedicate this series to my brave little fighter Peyton, who this month, has reached the milestone of 5 years as cancer-free. In the cancer world, making it to 5 years is a near-guarantee her original cancer won't come back. But the ugly secret with childhood cancer is that secondary cancers often come back, sometimes as soon as 10 years from the original diagnosis. Ironically, these secondary cancers are caused by exposure to chemotherapy and radiation used to stop the original cancer.

As you read about the kids I'll profile, please pray for less invasive cures as research gets better and better. Please pray for the funding of the research, and please pray for the families of the kids effected by the devastation cancer can bring.

Today, I'm sending you to Alex's site. Read about her and how she wanted to rid the world of childhood cancer and how her family is carrying on her legacy. Please go to http://lemonadeblog.com/2009/09/national-childhood-cancer-awareness.html

Childhood cancer research is woefully underfunded in comparison to adult cancers. But there are research hospitals who are making huge strides in curing cancer, and in the meantime, trying to make the treatment safer for the kids who endure it. Personally, my family and I help fund 3 organizations who are making a real difference in fighting childhood cancer. If you want to help, go to:

Curesearch,
St Jude Research Hospital,
Children's cancer Fund and Children's Medical Center of Dallas

Sometimes, all you can do is make a child smile to help them forget their illness or give families the support they need. We're big fans of these organizations as well:

Make A Wish, Habitat for Hope and Candlelighters Childhood cancer Foundation

Childhood cancer Awareness Month--Julianna

2009-09-10T05:52:00.000-07:00
September is Childhood cancer Awareness Month. Every day this month, I'll be posting about a child we met through my daughter Peyton's journey through cancer from 2003-2004.

I also dedicate this series to my brave little fighter Peyton, who this month, has reached the milestone of 5 years as cancer-free. In the cancer world, making it to 5 years is a near-guarantee her original cancer won't come back. But the ugly secret with childhood cancer is that secondary cancers often come back, sometimes as soon as 10 years from the original diagnosis. Ironically, these secondary cancers are caused by exposure to chemotherapy and radiation used to stop the original cancer.

As you read about the kids I'll profile, please pray for less invasive cures as research gets better and better. Please pray for the funding of the research, and please pray for the families of the kids effected by the devastation cancer can bring.

Julianna Banana was also a Caringbridge friend. Julianna hails from Winnepeg Canada (home of Winnie the Pooh as she's fond of reminding us!) Juliana was diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia when she was 3 years old. She battled, beat it, but it came back. So Juliana did what she always did...she smiled, squared her shoulders and fought some more.

Julianna is now celebrating 5 years in remission! She's 9 years old and tells us that peace is finally back in her home :-) Please continue to pray for Julianna Banana's remission to stay put!

Childhood cancer research is woefully underfunded in comparison to adult cancers. But there are research hospitals who are making huge strides in curing cancer, and in the meantime, trying to make the treatment safer for the kids who endure it. Personally, my family and I help fund 3 organizations who are making a real difference in fighting childhood cancer. If you want to help, go to:

Curesearch,
St Jude Research Hospital,
Children's cancer Fund and Children's Medical Center of Dallas

Sometimes, all you can do is make a child smile to help them forget their illness or give families the support they need. We're big fans of these organizations as well:

Make A Wish, Habitat for Hope and Candlelighters Childhood cancer Foundation

Childhood cancer Awareness--Cheyenne

2009-09-04T11:51:00.000-07:00
September is Childhood cancer Awareness Month. Every day this month, I'll be posting about a child we met through my daughter Peyton's journey through cancer from 2003-2004.

I also dedicate this series to my brave little fighter Peyton, who this month, has reached the milestone of 5 years as cancer-free. In the cancer world, making it to 5 years is a near-guarantee her original cancer won't come back. But the ugly secret with childhood cancer is that secondary cancers often come back, sometimes as soon as 10 years from the original diagnosis. Ironically, these secondary cancers are caused by exposure to chemotherapy and radiation used to stop the original cancer.

As you read about the kids I'll profile, please pray for less invasive cures as research gets better and better. Please pray for the funding of the research, and please pray for the families of the kids effected by the devastation cancer can bring.

Cheyenne was another wonderful kid we met through Caringbridge. Cheyenne and her family had been walking through cancer for a little while when they found our page. They never failed to be supportive, prayerful and generous with advice to us since they were further along the road.

Cheyenne was diagnosed with Diffuse Pontine Glioma when she was only 12 years old. This brain tumor is fast moving and extremely aggressive. Cheyenne NEVER let it get her down. She trusted God for her healing, and encouraged those around her to stay strong, love Jesus, and make the most out of what life hands you.

God called Cheyenne home when she was 13 years old. My husband and I attended her funeral. Cheyenne hand picked all her music and Scripture. It was beautiful. Roy and Donna (her parents) laid her to rest in a white casket. They gave all those in attendance Sharpie markers and asked us to adorn Chey's casket in our final goodbyes. Without fail, almost all the messages contained something about wanting to have Cheyenne's faith, know her Jesus more, or something to that effect. I don't know why God had to take Cheyenne so young, but I do know she brought Him Glory, through her pain and illness.

Childhood cancer research is woefully underfunded in comparison to adult cancers. But there are research hospitals who are making huge strides in curing cancer, and in the meantime, trying to make the treatment safer for the kids who endure it. Personally, my family and I help fund 3 organizations who are making a real difference in fighting childhood cancer. If you want to help, go to:

Curesearch,
St Jude Research Hospital,
Children's cancer Fund and Children's Medical Center of Dallas

Sometimes, all you can do is make a child smile to help them forget their illness or give families the support they need. We're big fans of these organizations as well:

Make A Wish, Habitat for Hope and Candlelighters Childhood cancer Foundation

Childhood cancer Awareness Month--Andy

2009-09-04T11:33:00.000-07:00
September is Childhood cancer Awareness Month. Every day this month, I'll be posting about a child we met through my daughter Peyton's journey through cancer from 2003-2004.

I also dedicate this series to my brave little fighter Peyton, who this month, has reached the milestone of 5 years as cancer-free. In the cancer world, making it to 5 years is a near-guarantee her original cancer won't come back. But the ugly secret with childhood cancer is that secondary cancers often come back, sometimes as soon as 10 years from the original diagnosis. Ironically, these secondary cancers are caused by exposure to chemotherapy and radiation used to stop the original cancer.

As you read about the kids I'll profile, please pray for less invasive cures as research gets better and better. Please pray for the funding of the research, and please pray for the families of the kids effected by the devastation cancer can bring.

Andy's mom Terry found us through of our website. She contacted us to let us know her Andy had CCSK when he was 3 and well on his way to being a 5 year survivor.

Terry was an information junkie when it came to CCSK. Each tidbit of information she found, she shared with me. I was always so grateful for her advice and her prayers. She even created a CCSK page so all the parents could of CCSK kids could check in with each other and share our burdens and our praises.

Andy hit his 5 year all clear. Then his 6th. He was almost to his 7th, when he developed a pain in his belly. Within hours, God called him home. Andy developed a mass in his lower intestines and before surgery could be performed, the mass ruptured. Terri later shared with us the mass was the result of the treatment Andy had received to cure his cancer. Again, sometimes the treatment is worse than the cancer itself. Please pray for Andy's family and for the researchers to find less toxic means to cure our kids.

Childhood cancer research is woefully underfunded in comparison to adult cancers. But there are research hospitals who are making huge strides in curing cancer, and in the meantime, trying to make the treatment safer for the kids who endure it. Personally, my family and I help fund 3 organizations who are making a real difference in fighting childhood cancer. If you want to help, go to:

Curesearch,
St Jude Research Hospital,
Children's cancer Fund and Children's Medical Center of Dallas

Sometimes, all you can do is make a child smile to help them forget their illness or give families the support they need. We're big fans of these organizations as well:

Make A Wish, Habitat for Hope and Candlelighters Childhood cancer Foundation

Childhood cancer Awareness Month--Alex

2009-09-02T09:20:00.000-07:00
September is Childhood cancer Awareness Month. Every day this month, I'll be posting about a child we met through my daughter Peyton's journey through cancer from 2003-2004.

I also dedicate this series to my brave little fighter Peyton, who this month, has reached the milestone of 5 years as cancer-free. In the cancer world, making it to 5 years is a near-guarantee her original cancer won't come back. But the ugly secret with childhood cancer is that secondary cancers often come back, sometimes as soon as 10 years from the original diagnosis. Ironically, these secondary cancers are caused by exposure to chemotherapy and radiation used to stop the original cancer.

As you read about the kids I'll profile, please pray for less invasive cures as research gets better and better. Please pray for the funding of the research, and please pray for the families of the kids effected by the devastation cancer can bring.

Within days of being diagnosed, Peyton began radiation treatments. We walked into the Radiation Onocologists office and there sat little Alex. He was 3 years old. He was recently diagnosed with medullablastoma, a vicious brain tumor.

My husband and Alex's dad had many long talks and time of prayer during all those days of our children's radiation. Peyton and Alex played Spongebob video games and giggled as if they didn't have a care in the world. We grew to care a great deal for Alex and his family and for a while, things were going so well for him. Alex went into remission within the year. But as is often the case with medullablastoma, it came back...with a vengeance.

God called Alex home in late 2005. He was 5 years old. He fought hard. His doctors fought hard. His parents continue to cling to their faith until they see Alex again.

Childhood cancer research is woefully underfunded in comparison to adult cancers. But there are research hospitals who are making huge strides in curing cancer, and in the meantime, trying to make the treatment safer for the kids who endure it. Personally, my family and I help fund 3 organizations who are making a real difference in fighting childhood cancer. If you want to help, go to:

Curesearch,
St Jude Research Hospital,
Children's cancer Fund and Children's Medical Center of Dallas

Sometimes, all you can do is make a child smile to help them forget their illness or give families the support they need. We're big fans of these organizations as well:

Make A Wish, Habitat for Hope and Candlelighters Childhood cancer Foundation

Childhood cancer Awareness Month--Ben

2009-09-02T09:07:00.000-07:00
September is Childhood cancer Awareness Month. Every day this month, I'll be posting about a child we met through my daughter Peyton's journey through cancer from 2003-2004.

I also dedicate this series to my brave little fighter Peyton, who this month, has reached the milestone of 5 years as cancer-free. In the cancer world, making it to 5 years is a near-guarantee her original cancer won't come back. But the ugly secret with childhood cancer is that secondary cancers often come back, sometimes as soon as 10 years from the original diagnosis. Ironically, these secondary cancers are caused by exposure to chemotherapy and radiation used to stop the original cancer.

As you read about the kids I'll profile, please pray for less invasive cures as research gets better and better. Please pray for the funding of the research, and please pray for the families of the kids effected by the devastation cancer can bring.

We met some great kids from the hospital where Peyton received treatment. But some of the friends we made were from the Caringbridge family. Ben was a Caringbridge buddy. His mom Maggie found us because she was researching Clear Cell Sarcoma (CCSK). This is the cancer Ben had as well as what Peyton had. Maggie found us on a CCSK page and we became touchstones for each other as we shared our joys and fears and struggles in having small children with a deadly disease.

Ben went into remission within 8 months of his treatment, but the cancer relapsed to his lungs just a few months later. Ben endured another round of chemo and radiation, and won! Ben continues to be cancer free and is a happy 10 year old who loves his family and participating in cancer research fund raisers.

Childhood cancer research is woefully underfunded in comparison to adult cancers. But there are research hospitals who are making huge strides in curing cancer, and in the meantime, trying to make the treatment safer for the kids who endure it. Personally, my family and I help fund 3 organizations who are making a real difference in fighting childhood cancer. If you want to help, go to:

Curesearch,
St Jude Research Hospital,
Children's cancer Fund and Children's Medical Center of Dallas

Sometimes, all you can do is make a child smile to help them forget their illness or give families the support they need. We're big fans of these organizations as well:

Make A Wish, Habitat for Hope and Candlelighters Childhood cancer Foundation

Childhood Cancer Awareness Month--Averi

2009-09-01T06:03:00.000-07:00
September is Childhood cancer Awareness Month. Every day this month, I'll be posting about a child we met through my daughter Peyton's journey through cancer from 2003-2004.

I also dedicate this series to my brave little fighter Peyton, who this month, has reached the milestone of 5 years as cancer-free. In the cancer world, making it to 5 years is a near-guarantee her original cancer won't come back. But the ugly secret with childhood cancer is that secondary cancers often come back, sometimes as soon as 10 years from the original diagnosis. Ironically, these secondary cancers are caused by exposure to chemotherapy and radiation used to stop the original cancer.

As you read about the kids I'll profile, please pray for less invasive cures as research gets better and better. Please pray for the funding of the research, and please pray for the families of the kids effected by the devastation cancer can bring.

Our 3rd or 4th month into Peyton's treatment, we met a cutie of a girl named Averi. Averi had Leukemia as a baby. She beat the cancer, but as a result of a bone marrow transplant that wasn't a perfect match, Averi still fights a serious disease called Graft vs. Host. Right now, Averi is a spunky, delightful fourth grader. She and Peyton are a bundle of giggles together each year at camp and the annual cancer research fund raiser they participate in together.

This is Peyton (blue shirt) and Averi with Kristen, their all-time favorite Child Life Specialist from their hospital.

Childhood cancer research is woefully underfunded in comparison to adult cancers. But there are research hospitals who are making huge strides in curing cancer, and in the meantime, trying to make the treatment safer for the kids who endure it. Personally, my family and I help fund 3 organizations who are making a real difference in fighting childhood cancer. If you want to help, go to:

Curesearch,
St Jude Research Hospital,
Children's cancer Fund and Children's Medical Center of Dallas

Sometimes, all you can do is make a child smile to help them forget their illness or give families the support they need. We're big fans of these organizations as well:

Make A Wish, Habitat for Hope and Candlelighters Childhood cancer Foundation

I miss my hair...and less shallow things

2009-08-27T10:12:00.000-07:00
So I've been whining about my bad haircut on Twitter. Today I'm extra meloncholy about missing it because I found this picture from two years ago. I'm the second one on the right. Awwww, long flowing locks, how I miss you. You'll come back to me, I know you will, but until then, I'll pine (and whine).

My youngest is the cutie patootie in the center with a blanket wrapped around her. This was taken at a Make A Wish golf tournament we help out at each year. So this picture isn't just about my hair ;-) This is a lead in to tell you about what I'll be doing on my blog next month.

September is Childhood cancer (sorry, cancer never gets capitalized if I can help it) Awareness Month. Each day next month, I'll be featuring a child we met (and sometimes lost) on Peyton's journey through cancer. And each time I feature one of these brave kiddos, I'm going to tell you what you can do to help fund childhood cancer research.

Tell your friends. I hope you'll visit here daily once September hits. You will be amazed at the bravery and faith of these young warriors.

Scams Courtesy of Scums

2009-08-26T07:07:00.000-07:00
You'd think my next posting would have been about sending my baby off to college. Yeah, yeah, I'm working on it. I don't want to be all mushy and sad right now and I'm afraid I would be if I started writing on it, so I'm procrastinating. And if procrastination were a spiritual gift, I could do big things for the Kingdom of God...but I digress.

Today's post, instead, is a public service announcement: This morning, my boss's wife called me. She told me she had received a call, on her home number, from a lady who was asking for me (WTFrak??). So boss's wife dutifully takes down the number and calls me to tell me about this really odd call.

I'm so suspicious of what this is, so I don't call it, I Google it. It takes me to a BBB site where others have posted complaints. This "company" that called my boss's wife apparently surfs websites, gets phone numbers and names, then calls to tell you that you owe thousands of dollars in debts from 15 years ago and could you just go ahead and settle this over the phone with a credit card right now.

Also, their MO seems to be asking for one of your friends or associates and telling them they are trying to track you down. If you think for a second I was thrilled some fake bill collector called my boss and his wife at home to find me, you'd be mistaken.

So, if you start getting calls from 866-428-6589 or a group called Portfolio Associates, find a way to slam the phone down so hard, you might send phone shrapnel deep into their thick skulls. Okay, I'm kidding. I think...

Twitter Time Again

2009-08-21T08:30:00.000-07:00
STILL miss Helen!

Okay Wendy, I'm participating again this week. I think I deserve a t-shirt...or Chick Fil A gift certificates, for my efforts. I'm just sayin...

Beth, Billy and Peter, I know you all sent kids to school this week. I've not forgotten that and you and your little ones have been in my prayers this week. Sherri, I hope it goes without saying you and Big Al have been in my prayers too. You call or email me if you need prayer. I'm here...

And Steph...True are His promises. I'm praying for you.

So here' my week in Twitter. Make sense of it if you can ;-)

@weightwhat Sniff...tear. I'm all pfklempt. Talk amongst yourselves. I'll give you a topic ...cream cheese is neither cream nor cheese

marni71RT @br8kthru: @marni71 you gotta wonder if things taste different when you do that//TWSS

br8kthru@marni71 some people are just indescribably weird. I mean we're weird but that's a whole different brand right there...

marni71@PuriChristos my mac and cheese is based on a Tyler Florence recipe, but I've Marni-ed it up, so I know what u mean

PeterPollock@br8kthru One of @marni71's tweet sounds a bit disturbing? NEVER!

br8kthru@katdish @marni71 I'm not sure Jesus and butt-fat belong in the same tweet... :)

katdish@marni71 We should market our butt fat to skinny lipped celebrities.
about 2 hours ago

katdish@marni71 I figured people would be googling your lips. Who did them anyway?

weightwhat@marni71 I'm with you. Some people just NEED a good wedgie.

PeterPollock@marni71 I think I might have to explain the art of sarcasm to you....

marni71@PeterPollock No you don't. @katdish has been tutoring me. I'm at grade level. Tomorrow I have midterms and I'm a little nervous

marni71PUDGE IS BACK!!!! GO RANGERS!

marni71@weightwhat Yes, THIS time it wasn't you...

marni71RT @katdish: RT @br8kthru: @katdish besides if anyone knows disturbing, it's me.//Yeah, you're all up in disturbing...

marni71@br8kthru We're quirky, enigmatic. Butt fat lady was weird, yes. And no filter to determine when and where you ask personal questions.

marni71@br8kthru Yeah. Another lady assumed (ha!!) that it wasn't collegen, but my own butt fat. Nice. People do that. Ewwww

marni71@br8kthru "Makes no sense", "disturbing"...four words that describe mine and @katdish relationship to a T

marni71@weightwhat You don't like guac? You need to pray about that...

marni71@BartMillard I give my youngest time increments she can relate to..."we'll be there in 3 Spongebob shows" ;-)

marni71Daughter's college STILL won't let me pay tuition through website. Seriously, I'm about to keep the money and buy a boat with it.

marni71@prodigaljohn What @PuriChristos said. I caught my hubs trying 2 buy cutoffs at a garage sale once. We immediately went into counseling

marni71@PeterPollock i don't bother putting chocolate chips in muffins. Just eat them straight from the bag. Saves time.

marni71@weightwhat I'd be a grump too! Want me to give Home Depot a wedgie?

marni71@PuriChristos quit comparing my chopped off hair to toilets. Should I read something into that? Something about my hair and...crap maybe?

marni71@weightwhat It is SO short and curls toward my face. I look like a flapper. Not flipper, a flapper.

marni71@JeanneDamoff @katdish Are we talking haircuts? Well we are now. Went in for one yesterday. She cut waaaaay too much off.

weightwhat@marni71 I'm with you. Some people just NEED a good wedgie

marni71@weightwhat I'm not opposed to wedgies or swirlies either. Ya gotta do, what ya gotta do...

marni71: I'm pressuring my sister to start Twittering. By pressure, I'm going old school and pulling her hair and taking her Barbies.

marni71Ewww. The Twitter skanks are out in full force this morning. Scuse me while I go do some blocking...

marni71@PeterPollock mine goes to college on Saturday. Let's pray for each other this week.

weightwhat@marni71 Okay, when I first glanced at your tweet I thought you were asking for the recipe for dog yack. Um, eww

marni71@redclaydiaries how nice for you...my cat yacked in front of guests during dinner on Sat. nite. Fun times.

marni71@CandySteele no meat is fine for me. Leaves more room for extra cheeses. Holla!

marni71@PuriChristos thank u for the tissue alert! That was good stuff...

marni71@br8kthru AHHHHHH! MY EYES! YOU'VE SPRAINED MY EYES!!!

marni71@PuriChristos everyone has this recipe but me? Nice..

marni71@katdish why you gotta go now? There isn't anything good on TV. Now what am I supposed to do???

marni71@PeterPollock Okay, here's my latest blog. Pics of my kids. Summer is over. School starts Monday. Exciting stuff eh?

marni71@godhasablog I'm fighting with a snot-nosed Scottish college student...

marni71@br8kthru I never get that on commercials. My hubs said if that ever happens to him, he isn't calling doctors, he's bragging to buddies

br8kthru@marni71 I & a group of guys (all pastors) were joking abt this once. 1 wasn't laughing- he's a Dr who said after 4 hrs it's excruciating-

marni71@br8kthru For husbands maybe...;-)

katdishRT @marni71: @katdish @weightwhat @HerbieGookins @ redclaydiaries. Sherri just emailed us. She said Big Al is bored stiff. TWSS.

kelli1227@marni71 You are NOT going to believe this..someone just said "son of a monkey butt" in my meeting! Am I the only one who doesn't know this?

marni71RT @Brian_Russell: Dear software, if ever it's just me and you in a dark alley... I'll shank you so fast... sheesh...

marni71RT @dahallam: sitting on hold with the fabric department at Hobby Lobby listening to "Shout to the Lord" in the style of Kenny G

marni71@billycoffey I have to make a phone call...that's my euphamism for #runningawayfromthewrathof@katdish

marni71@weightwhat @billycoffey I suspect she is omnipresent. Her powers confound me. Quick, let's make a food offering to appease her...

marni71@PeterPollock Did you eat the chocolate chips out of the bag as you made them? And how did they turn out? Did you save me one?

billycoffey@marni71 Oh, come on! We're BLOOD, Marni!

marni71@billycoffey Doe's before bro's my friend. You understand, right?

marni71@PeterPollock I've been thinking about you since I got up. Praying today is a great and peaceful day for all of you.

marni71@tsholo_m It's okay...just send me some coffee and we'll put this whole thing behind us...

marni71@redclaydiaries I got a REALLY bad haircut 2 days ago. This morning, I woke up looking like a wet, ticked off, chicken. I spent so much..

katdish@marni71 Well dang. Now I'm hungry, and I don't have any bananas or nuts....

Twitter time...again!

2009-08-21T06:38:00.001-07:00
STILL miss Helen!

Okay Wendy, I'm participating again this week. I think I deserve a t-shirt...or Chick Fil A gift certificates, for my efforts. I'm just sayin...

Beth, Billy and Peter, I know you all sent kids to school this week. I've not forgotten that and you and your little ones have been in my prayers this week. Sherri, I hope it goes without saying you and Big Al have been in my prayers too. You call or email me if you need prayer. I'm here...

And Steph...True are His promises. I'm praying for you.

So here' my week in Twitter. Make sense of it if you can ;-)

@weightwhat Sniff...tear. I'm all pfklempt. Talk amongst yourselves. I'll give you a topic ...cream cheese is neither cream nor cheese

marni71RT @br8kthru: @marni71 you gotta wonder if things taste different when you do that//TWSS

br8kthru@marni71 some people are just indescribably weird. I mean we're weird but that's a whole different brand right there...

marni71@PuriChristos my mac and cheese is based on a Tyler Florence recipe, but I've Marni-ed it up, so I know what u mean

PeterPollock@br8kthru One of @marni71's tweet sounds a bit disturbing? NEVER!

br8kthru@katdish @marni71 I'm not sure Jesus and butt-fat belong in the same tweet... :)

katdish@marni71 We should market our butt fat to skinny lipped celebrities.
about 2 hours ago

katdish@marni71 I figured people would be googling your lips. Who did them anyway?

weightwhat@marni71 I'm with you. Some people just NEED a good wedgie.

PeterPollock@marni71 I think I might have to explain the art of sarcasm to you....

marni71@PeterPollock No you don't. @katdish has been tutoring me. I'm at grade level. Tomorrow I have midterms and I'm a little nervous

marni71PUDGE IS BACK!!!! GO RANGERS!

marni71@weightwhat Yes, THIS time it wasn't you...

marni71RT @katdish: RT @br8kthru: @katdish besides if anyone knows disturbing, it's me.//Yeah, you're all up in disturbing...

marni71@br8kthru We're quirky, enigmatic. Butt fat lady was weird, yes. And no filter to determine when and where you ask personal questions.

marni71@br8kthru Yeah. Another lady assumed (ha!!) that it wasn't collegen, but my own butt fat. Nice. People do that. Ewwww

marni71@br8kthru "Makes no sense", "disturbing"...four words that describe mine and @katdish relationship to a T

marni71@weightwhat You don't like guac? You need to pray about that...

marni71@BartMillard I give my youngest time increments she can relate to..."we'll be there in 3 Spongebob shows" ;-)

marni71Daughter's college STILL won't let me pay tuition through website. Seriously, I'm about to keep the money and buy a boat with it.

marni71@prodigaljohn What @PuriChristos said. I caught my hubs trying 2 buy cutoffs at a garage sale once. We immediately went into counseling

marni71@PeterPollock i don't bother putting chocolate chips in muffins. Just eat them straight from the bag. Saves time.

marni71@weightwhat I'd be a grump too! Want me to give Home Depot a wedgie?

marni71@PuriChristos quit comparing my chopped off hair to toilets. Should I read something into that? Something about my hair and...crap maybe?

marni71@weightwhat It is SO short and curls toward my face. I look like a flapper. Not flipper, a flapper.

marni71@JeanneDamoff @katdish Are we talking haircuts? Well we are now. Went in for one yesterday. She cut waaaaay too much off.

weightwhat@marni71 I'm with you. Some people just NEED a good wedgie

marni71@weightwhat I'm not opposed to wedgies or swirlies either. Ya gotta do, what ya gotta do...

marni71: I'm pressuring my sister to start Twittering. By pressure, I'm going old school and pulling her hair and taking her Barbies.

marni71Ewww. The Twitter skanks are out in full force this morning. Scuse me while I go do some blocking...

marni71@PeterPollock mine goes to college on Saturday. Let's pray for each other this week.

weightwhat@marni71 Okay, when I first glanced at your tweet I thought you were asking for the recipe for dog yack. Um, eww

marni71@redclaydiaries how nice for you...my cat yacked in front of guests during dinner on Sat. nite. Fun times.

marni71@CandySteele no meat is fine for me. Leaves more room for extra cheeses. Holla!

marni71@PuriChristos thank u for the tissue alert! That was good stuff...

marni71@br8kthru AHHHHHH! MY EYES! YOU'VE SPRAINED MY EYES!!!

marni71@PuriChristos everyone has this recipe but me? Nice..

marni71@katdish why you gotta go now? There isn't anything good on TV. Now what am I supposed to do???

marni71@PeterPollock Okay, here's my latest blog. Pics of my kids. Summer is over. School starts Monday. Exciting stuff eh?

marni71@godhasablog I'm fighting with a snot-nosed Scottish college student...

marni71@br8kthru I never get that on commercials. My hubs said if that ever happens to him, he isn't calling doctors, he's bragging to buddies

br8kthru@marni71 I & a group of guys (all pastors) were joking abt this once. 1 wasn't laughing- he's a Dr who said after 4 hrs it's excruciating-

marni71@br8kthru For husbands maybe...;-)

katdishRT @marni71: @katdish @weightwhat @HerbieGookins @ redclaydiaries. Sherri just emailed us. She said Big Al is bored stiff. TWSS.

kelli1227@marni71 You are NOT going to believe this..someone just said "son of a monkey butt" in my meeting! Am I the only one who doesn't know this?

marni71RT @Brian_Russell: Dear software, if ever it's just me and you in a dark alley... I'll shank you so fast... sheesh...

marni71RT @dahallam: sitting on hold with the fabric department at Hobby Lobby listening to "Shout to the Lord" in the style of Kenny G

marni71@billycoffey I have to make a phone call...that's my euphamism for #runningawayfromthewrathof@katdish

marni71@weightwhat @billycoffey I suspect she is omnipresent. Her powers confound me. Quick, let's make a food offering to appease her...

marni71@PeterPollock Did you eat the chocolate chips out of the bag as you made them? And how did they turn out? Did you save me one?

billycoffey@marni71 Oh, come on! We're BLOOD, Marni!

marni71@billycoffey Doe's before bro's my friend. You understand, right?

marni71@PeterPollock I've been thinking about you since I got up. Praying today is a great and peaceful day for all of you.

marni71@tsholo_m It's okay...just send me some coffee and we'll put this whole thing behind us...

marni71@redclaydiaries I got a REALLY bad haircut 2 days ago. This morning, I woke up looking like a wet, ticked off, chicken. I spent so much..

katdish@marni71 Well dang. Now I'm hungry, and I don't have any bananas or nuts....

STOP...twitter time!

2009-08-07T10:27:00.001-07:00
So my smarty pants friends have spent the last few weeks doing twitter ho downs on our fun page. This week, I decided to join. Why not right? I mean I have been tweeting longer than almost all of them (BOO-YAH!) so I might as well give this a go. Here are my top tweets for the week:

@joannamuses Love Your Enemy...Good stuff. Yay John Piper. I heart his books!

A-ight Monday. Let's do dis thang!!

Priced school supplies yesterday. Been in a babbling stupor ever since....

@katdish I saw anon's and was trying to think of good snark to say...then I saw yours. Made me feel all warm and fuzzy

@HerbieGookins Where is Helen? I haven't talked to her in a while. But then again, I've been AWOL...

@Brian_Russell Amen. I couldn't take the pressure today, so I got iced coffee today.

@Brian_Russell And I'm clearly suffering. That 2 tweets with 2 typos. Iced coffee just isn't the same...sigh

sigh...back to work. Bye guys. It was fun saying hi. Miss you all...

My daughter just asked me what kind of clothes I wore in the 1950's. Nice.

@weightwhat Oh Wendy...why must u cut me to the quick? Everyone knows I'm only 29...

RT @wfaaweather: heat advisory for dallas, tarrant, collin & denton counties weds & thur. heat index values of 105-110 likely. (OMGee!)

@HerbieGookins yes, 29. That's how old Wendy and I are...for a while now ;)

@katdish HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!

Sigh. I miss @helenatrandom...

RT @peterfacinelli: Just finished 2 hours of fight training 4 Eclipse. Now if anyone messes with me I can pretend to kick their ass well

@CHRIS_Daughtry What a kind tweet about Paula Abdul. Your sweetnees never "seizes" to amaze me! ;)

@weightwhat yes...I'm rereading the Twilight series. It's cutting into my sleep time. Do I care? No I do not!

RT @bartmillard: Some hackers shut down Twitter then tried to tweet their friends to show them how cool they were. Oops

When life hands u high fructose corn syrup, citric &, ascorbic acid, sodium acid phosphate, calcium fumarate and yellow #5.. make lemonade

@crowderband Seinfeld reference! I KNEW I loved you DCB!!! :-)

@Helenatrandom You’re here!!! I've missed you! How r things???

Camp Time!

2009-07-28T08:30:00.000-07:00
For the last four years, Peyton has been attending Camp Esperanza at Camp John Marc. Camp Esperanza (Spanish for "hope) is for kids who have or have had cancer. It's a great week for the kids to be together and forget all they deal with. Peyton left this weekend and will be there all week :-)

On My Heart...

2009-07-17T10:20:00.001-07:00
So much has been consuming my heart lately, somedays I struggle mightily to process it all. I've narrowed it down to what I believe are 3 distinct areas:

1. I'm sending my firstborn off to college in 35 days. That in and of itself is enough to consume my thoughts. And in and of itself is making me very emotional right now...Did we teach her all she needs to know? Is she ready to handle the things life is about to throw at her? Will she make good choices? All the great unknowns of parenting are all boiling down to those 3 things. And they are consuming.

2. We are in search of a new church home. It'a painful thing to have to walk away from your church. It's even more painful when it's because you can't reconcile in your heart the damaging things going on within your church at the hands of God's people. One of the most painful things I've had to walk through is a church split. I have found myself comparing it to being a child of divorce. People you love can't be together anymore, there is tension in the home, no one is happy, and eventually, people you love go away and you don't see them daily anymore.

3. I have felt such a burden for my friend Nick and his work as a youth pastor. I belong to a wonderful community of like-minded prayer warriors who communicate on a daily basis. And Nick has been asking our community of warriors to keep his students in prayer for all kinds of heart-breaking problems they are facing. When I'm not consumed with my sadness over Lindsay moving away and leaving my church family, I'm consumed with praying for Nick, his students and his ministry.

And all 3 of those consuming things drive me straight into the arms of God everytime. For that I am grateful. What would I do without Him during these uncertain and burdensome times? What would I do without the faith and trust to know that even though I entertain fear and anger and sadness, that God is in full control and it will all work out to His glory? What would I do?

I've walked through seasons where my life is just shy of perfect and I've walked through seasons where I didn't know how I was going to take one more step. In both those seasons, I asked God not to let me forget what the other season was like so I will remember to trust Him in all times of my life. Right now, it's not a painful and gut-wrenching season, but I learned so much about God when times were very dark for me. Right now, I'm praying for all the things I've listed above, and I'm asking God to help me remember in the light, what I learned in the dark.

I know most of you who stop by this blog are fellow warriors. As you approach the Throne, will you keep my daughter, my church and Nick's ministry in your prayers? And in advance, Lord, thank you for going before us in these 3 situations and making clear a path of your will.

Until next time...

Love,

Marni

Happy Birthday Peyton!

2009-07-08T07:26:00.000-07:00
Peyton turned 9 on Tuesday...and like I said on my Facebook, she's living proof God is still in the business of miracles! This is a great year for us. When the doctors first gave us the scary news that Peyton had cancer, they told us we only had about 2 years left with her. And this year marks 5 years since remission. In cancer world, once you hit 5 years remission, you're in the clear. Yes, God is still in the business of miracles.

Peyton got to celebrate her birthday this year for a period of 10 days ;-) She started off the celebration by flying down to Houston with my mom to see Aunt Stephanie and Uncle Greg. They did all kinds of fun things:

We had a family party for her on the 4th of July. On her actual birthday (yesterday) Coach, Grammy Kay and Uncle Bruce took her out to dinner at her favorite restaurant. They gave her a new bathing suit and some cool kid-friendly makeup and a fashion designing set (her latest passion in life!) On Saturday, we're having a friend party for her at a local water park. A very happy birthday indeed!

Stand By Me

2009-07-07T07:03:00.001-07:00
This is SO cool!

If you're so inclined

2009-06-25T10:25:00.000-07:00
I stole this from Helen....ahhh, confession is good for the soul...

1. Folgers or Starbucks? Yes. But the people at our local Starbucks will run you down with their cars in the early morning rush so I don't stop there very often for safety reasons ;-)
2. Cardinals or Cubs? Ummm. Neither?
3. Morning person or night owl? big time night owl. Always have been.
4. Name brand or generic? That depends. Sometimes it is worth it to save a few pennies, sometimes it isn't.
5. Dylan or Rolling Stones? I like Bob Dylan's lyrics, but his voice gives me a brain freeze. The Rolling Stones are great for laughs now that they are in their 80's and still act like they're rock stars.
6. Mountains or Ocean? Ocean
7. Talker or Listener? Yes!
8. Math or Literature? Literature
9. Books or Movies? BOOKS!!!!
10. Meat and Potatoes or Casseroles? Meat. Meat! MEAT!
11. Summer or Winter? Yes, those are the two seasons in Texas. Winter is iffy.
12. Coffee or Tea? coffee
13. Cats or dogs? Love them both.
14. Rock or Country? I like both, but if I must choose, it is country.
15. Pepsi or Coke? Dr Pepper. The Dublin kind made with sugar, not syrup.
16. Beef or Chicken? Either's fine.
17. Leader or follower? That depends. If no one else will take charge, I will. But I prefer to be an assistant rather than the chief.
18. Pink or Red? Red
19. Stilettos or sneakers? Sneakers. But I own some fabulous stilletos!!
20. Homebody or socializer? I used to be more social. Now I'm more homebody. Go figure...
21. Short or tall? I'm still taller than my 8 year old and that's all that matters to me. My 18 year old, however, has outgrown me...
What about you? Any questions? At least one of you thinks that would make fascinating reading. I know. I checked the poll.

Summer Happenings...so far ;-)

2009-06-16T09:00:00.000-07:00

She's Graduated!!

2009-06-15T08:04:00.000-07:00

Lindsay's 18th B-day

2009-05-26T06:47:00.000-07:00
For the long holiday weekend, all of us and some of Lindsay's friends headed out to the lake to celebrate her 18th birthday...and we pulled off the surprise of all surprises for her!! Enjoy...

Events in and around the White House

2009-05-11T08:32:00.000-07:00

iBible

2009-04-30T06:40:00.000-07:00
I'm especially intrigued with the idea of parental locks for Song of Solomon ;-)

Things I Love...Things That Break My Heart, Part 3

2009-04-08T08:31:00.000-07:00

When I was a college freshman, I attended a school known for it's country and cowboy roots. CMT (Country Music Television) was our preference to MTV. I often fell asleep to that channel so I could listen to music as I drifted into sleep. Dolly Parton (I heart her) performed this song live at the 1989 CMA awards and CMT began to promptly play it on their channel.

In 1989, I had many interactions with God, but no relationship with Him or His Son. One night, I had the TV on and was sound asleep. The TV volume was barely decipherable, but this song and video came on and I sat straight up in my bed and didn't move for the entirety of the song. Afterward I just cried and cried. But I didn't belive the song. I knew Jesus was alive, but I didn't believe I was forgiven. I just wouldn't let Him in because I didn't believe for one second God could love me as is and would change me if I let Him.

God woke me up dozens of nights to hear that song. CMT divinely played it, and I would wake up from a dead sleep and cry and cry. Lord, but I was dense not to see God was trying to talk to me.

I muddled through the next 7 years believing the lie that I couldn't be forgiven, and then Jesus showed up one day in a very undeniable and powerful way as I sat on my couch. Looking back, I can see that God used this song to talk to me and I just adore it. I listen to it at full volume in my car when I'm alone and when Dolly sings out "He's alive and I'm forgiven, Heaven's gates are opened wide" I cry and cry, but now it's because I know it's true :)
-----------------------------------------------------
What breaks me heart? People who don't know our Jesus. This Easter season reminds me moreso that there are broken people all around me who harbor fear, anger, unforgiveness, shame, pride, and feeling alone and unloved...
"In their fright the women bowed down with their faces to the ground, but the men said to them, 'Why do you look for the living among the dead? He is not here; he has risen!' "

Things I Love...Things That Break My Heart, Part 2

2009-04-02T08:47:00.000-07:00

Oh my, oh my, do I LOVE me some Kirk Franklin. He 's from the area I live in. One day I'm going to bump into him at some restaurant or book store and freak out when I see him. I hope I don't scare him too badly, but I digress...

These are some of my favorties of his, and when he collaborates with TobyMac, I can hardly contain myself. As you watch Revolution you have to promise me you'll be dancing in your chair :) And the song cuts off before it should because this isn't an official video, but Kirk shouts out to his saints in Chicago, Houston and Dallas to name a few, so Helen and Kat, whoo whoo to you my sistas. I'll take the whoo whoo for the Dallas saints!! The second one is just a fun video, not the real one (duh!). I love it because it has the words and the adorable Happy Feet penguins :)

Incidentally, these two songs are good for at least another mile on the treadmill if you put them on your iPod ;)
-------------------------------
North Korea has apparently successfully launched a long-range rocket. This is a scary thought seeing that North Korea festers a hatred for most of the rest of the world, including it's sister, South Korea. Nothing good will come of this if North Korea is allowed to continue this behavior. Join me in praying for the wisdom and action of our leaders to protect us...

Things I Love...Things That Break My Heart, Part 1

2009-04-02T08:01:00.000-07:00

I love, love this Newsboys song. I'm in an "old school" phase with my worship music right now and found this song on an old CD yesterday and remembered how much I love it. Best I can tell, The Newsboy didn't make a video for this song because I can't find one, so here is a rendition. It's cute, but it shows a white Jesus with 1970's Shawn Cassidy hair...oh well. Maybe Jesus really does rock that hairdo. We'll find out soon enough ;)

Yesterday I picked up a copy of Reader's Digest (apparently I'm officially a middle aged woman now or I would read hip magazines) and it had the following article. I just sat there with my jaw on the floor...

Look at the countries who have people who profess to pray everyday. The rule moreso than the exception is likely they aren't praying to the True and Living God. I would imagine their religion requires prayer rather than it being a natural interaction with the Lord they love and serve. Now look at the ones that don't pray. That was even more distressing to me. Half, sometimes more, of the people in those countries don't profess to pray at all. I don't know who this quote is attributed to, but for years I've heard "what breaks God's heart, ought to break ours". That there are entire nations in this world where only half the people pray, and not all of those are to the One True God, must truly break His heart, so it should truly break ours. I used to spend a lot of time saying to God "It's just so bad here Lord. We must be living in the end times that Your Word professes. Come get us Lord, it's just so hard here and I fear for the future that my kids will live in". But I was enlightened by His scripture that He is slow to anger and that He wishes no one to perish. Clearly this article is evidence there is more to be done before Jesus returns for His Church. I'm praying for the compassion to fervently intercede for the world to know my Jesus and to talk to Him daily and get to know Him and to love Him.

A Parable

2009-03-25T12:59:00.000-07:00