Chronicles of Marnia

This week in tweets. I brought my "A game". Enjoy:

@redclaydiaries Our dumb Boxer, Howie, thinks possums who get on our back porch to eat the dog food, are chew toys...

@redclaydiaries It's just awesome to hear him outside making a ruckus, open the door and see him tossing one up in the air and catching it.

JeanneDamoff @marni71 @redclaydiaries EWWWWW! He tosses them in the air? I do NOT want to see that. Ever. Too late, though. Curse this vivid imagination.

@JeanneDamoff Yeah, yeah you do! I can get you a dumb white one named Howie. Free shipping!!

JeanneDamoff @marni71 Thanks, but no thanks. A possum-tossing boxer might tip the balance of my already questionable sanity.

@JeanneDamoff @redclaydiaries They all live, believe it or not. When Howie gets bored and puts them down, they just stagger away ;-)

redclaydiaries @marni71 Oh, I LOVE that mental picture. Staggering Possums: also a great name for a rock band.

@redclaydiaries And I do enjoy the possum show Howie gives us. I grab popcorn and make an event of it.

redclaydiaries @marni71 Oooh, I like the way you think! Wanna be my other doppelganger?

@redclaydiaries I thought you'd never ask. Now excuse me, I have to go Google doppelganger and see what the heck that is.

Just mailed my daughter a Halloween care package to her dorm. I sent her lots of silly string. Mother of the Year award? Bring it on!

This just in: @makeadiff21 surprised her kids with Happy Meals. We may have another contender for Mother of the Year.

makeadiff21 @marni71 LOL. Thanks! I am very popular right now

Great day at the ballfield coaching daughter today. "Peyton can swing, Peyton can whack. If I were you, I'd scoot my booty back!"

Stayed up late watching "Dallas Divas and Daughters". 1. None of that was actually Dallas 2. It was 60 mins of my life I'll never get back

@billycoffey On hold with customer service of a company. Thick accent, I can't understand a word. It's a great start to my day ;-)

@HeatherSunseri This was an unauthorized charge. Bad hold music, looong wait and now the accent I can't understand. Shoot me now.

@HeatherSunseri I had to spell my name. I used the "military alphabet" to spell it. She used a "made up but hilarious alphabet".

@HeatherSunseri For instance "M as in maybe, a as in artichoke, r as in rabies" etc. Wow.

@BridgetChumbley Thanks for hosting. I've done nothing but read blogs all day, but I'm blessed so much by it!

RT @stacyasmallSFL: @prodigaljohn STOP SENDING OUT TWEETS! I'm trying to pray here.///hahahaha!

RT @katdish: Dear @BridgetChumbley 's blog carnival. I have nothing set out for dinner. I blame you.// me too! But Pizza Hut is grateful.

I'm sitting at Starbucks doing "research"@BillyCoffey style. But the group I'm researching r so annoying & shallow, not like Billy's group.

@becca_homefront @purichristos but I might not be able blog on the shallow without being shallow myself. Darn paradoxes!!

Is anyone else slightly freaked out about @pwilson refering to himself as a "corn hole champion"? ;-p

Then there was the great coffee debate 2009. Clearly I won this one and @redclaydiaries needs counseling.

The last sip of coffee left in the cup is always the hardest...

redclaydiaries @marni71 The hardest to what? Chew?

PuriChristos @marni71 if by hardest you mean taste like lukewarm nastiness that makes you want to vomit then yes

@redclaydiaries Say goodbye to...It's all gone...what do I do now? I'm out of Blue Monsters!! sniff.

PuriChristos @marni71 I have like 30 blue monsters in the youth building right now ... I'm just sayin

@PuriChristos Why must you taunt me so?

redclaydiaries @marni71 OH. That IS a tragedy. I just made a new pot of decaf for us. I think @starbucks owes us something 4 all the coffee we buy

@redclaydiaries Decaf isn't really coffee. I'm sorry I had to use tough love on you so early in the day. Let's still be friends.

redclaydiaries @marni71 Sniffle. That was HARSH. I don't know, I think I might need a little space.

@redclaydiaries I understand. When you feel better, we can try counseling.

redclaydiaries @marni71 What? You mean in the same room? I don't think I'm ready for that. I'm wounded, I tell you. WOUNDED.

@redclaydiaries By "we", I meant "you"...so I won't be in the same room

Brian_Russell @marni71 You know, this morning I woke up, and finally had creamer to make coffee... and CRACKED MY COFFEE POT whilst filling it. GRUMPY.

@Brian_Russell That happened to me this summer. I mourned all day then spent waaay too much on a replacement. Addiction is a painful thing

redclaydiaries @Brian_Russell @marni71 Two words: thermal carafe. Unbreakable, AND keeps the coffee hot w/o cooking it.

@redclaydiaries You put decaf in the awesome thermal carafes that I can only HOPE to have one day??? I'm gonna need a moment...

And then it happened...

TAXIDERMY LADY IS HERE!!!! I gotta go hide in the bathroom for a bit. BRB.

Now I'm tweeting from the bathroom. I wonder if it's safe to go back to my office...

Annnnnd I'm back at my desk. Victory is mine!

PuriChristos @marni71 I think that is a serious breach of twitter etiquette. Just because u can doesn't mean u should

@PuriChristos I was just "in" the bathroom, not "going" to the bathroom. Unwad your panties.

Then @sarahmsalter and I talked religion

sarahmsalter @marni71 @redclaydiaries At our church, they have a label on the Decaf carafe that reads, "Weak Women's Coffee."

@sarahmsalter "Weak Women's Coffee" that's awesomeness! We're Baptists, so our coffee pot says, "Woman, get me a cup of coffee!"

Then I worked on my "street cred"...

@Brian_Russell My daughter spells it "boooooiiiiiiiii" . No idea why, but she's a teenager, so she's credible.

Brian_Russell @marni71 That actually works for me. I've seen it like that, and it accomplishes the sound with fewer characters.

Then I moved on to other important topics such as TV shows I'm now in love with

I love the show Psych! Why didn't anyone tell me about this awesomeness? Now I have like 4 seasons to make up for.

PuriChristos @marni71 I wrote a freakin post about the show!!! I tweet it all the time!!! I cannot be held responsible when others ignore me

@PuriChristos Sensitive much? Okay, I'm sorry I didn't listen. It won't happen again. But seriously dude, this show is hi-lar-i-ous!

PuriChristos @marni71 I know right? They are on twitter btw. Funny stuff

katdish @marni71 I pink fuzzy heart that show!

makeadiff21 @marni71 We LOVE that show!

PuriChristos @marni71 Last Friday was the mid season finale new shows should start in January

@PuriChristos JANUARY?? Well crap. Okay, that gives me time to watch the other 4 seasons I guess.

@PuriChristos Okay, so I'll keep watching in on Hulu.com. When does new season start? And is Monk something I want to watch?

katdish @marni71 Monk is good. He's a germophobe

@katdish Great! So I'll relate to him. And he's OCD right? If it's the one I'm thinking of, we're kindred spirits and I should watch.

katdish @marni71 Yes. An OCD germophobe. He completes you.

Then @weightwhat and @katdish and I discussed our love of autumn and winter boots

@weightwhat I feel ya. I had to buy "chubby leg boots". It was fun to realize my cankles wouldn't fit in regular leather knee high boots.

katdish @marni71 Trying being fitted for ski boots only to have the guy tell you (in a surfer accent) "Your calves are HUGE!" Nice

@katdish Did you kidney punch him? Maybe and accidental groin graze as you removed your boot?

katdish @marni71 I swift head butt if I recall correctly.

weightwhat @marni71 Isn't that about the time that you should decide that boots are overrated?

@weightwhat I just about did, and then I found Lane Bryant online. I bought fabulous black patent leather boots. Too sexy for this tweet!

weightwhat @marni71 Uh-oh. You're not turning into a skanky ho now, are you? Just how high up do the boots go?

@weightwhat Just to the knees. There isn't enough patent leather in the world to make them go thigh-high on me...sigh.

weightwhat @marni71 Because your legs are incredibly long and model-like, right?

@weightwhat Yes, yes that's it. Thank you for that. I didn't clarify. Now people know.

Of course, we're cultural and artistic people, so we discussed important things...like what cartoons we like, and shows we do or don't watch.

@redclaydiaries Don't feel alone in your shame. I've never watched The Office either...

redclaydiaries @HeatherSunseri @marni71 THANK YOU. It's just so SLOW at first. (But I thot Star Trek NG was boring the 1st season.)

katdish @marni71 @redclaydiaries @sarahmsalter I just don't know what to say about all of this...

@katdish There is nothing TO say Judgy Mc Judger.

redclaydiaries @marni71 Call her Planky. She likes that.

@redclaydiaries Do I want to know why we're calling her Planky? I probably don't, but why??

katdish @marni71 Plank in the eye. But my eye has seen The Office. So it really doesn't apply.

@katdish @redclaydiaries Awww how sweet. How many of us can truly say we've found friendship by harsh Biblical conviction?

@sarahmsalter You MUST watch iCarly and Phineas & Ferb. They'll change your life. Caillou will reduce your IQ by 15 points. Avoid it.

@redclaydiaries Gitcheee gitcheee goo means that I love you!

@HeatherSunseri "Calliou" and "funny" are used in the same sentence, but let's hear your story ;-)

@HeatherSunseri AREN'T, I meant aren't. Seriously, they aren't. Did I mention they aren't??

redclaydiaries @marni71 Did u see?! @HeatherSunseri LOVES Caillou! WHO'S WITH ME ON ANOTHER INTERVENTION?!

@redclaydiaries {raising hand and waving it furiously} They're are counselors who work here. Shall I make her an appointment?

Did we scare@HeatherSunseri ? Maybe she blocked us???? Heather? Come back. We'll be nice(r).

@sarahmsalter HOLD THE PHONE, I just caught something you said. You didn't watch Seinfeld?

sarahmsalter @marni71 In my defense, when it was on, I was living at home. My Dad wouldn't allow it because he felt it was "trash." (His word, not mine.)

@sarahmsalter But now when we all start to celebrate Festivus, you won't know how to do it? Someone want to buy the pole this year?

sarahmsalter @marni71 Your lips are moving, but I don't understand the words coming out...

RT @sarahmsalter: @marni71 Your lips are moving, but I don't understand the words coming out...//I get that alot...sigh.

RT @redclaydiaries: @Helenatrandom I see Chris O'Donnell, and I still see Robin. Tights do not = hottie.//Um hello? Mikhail Baryshnikov.

redclaydiaries RT @marni71: @Helenatrandom It's okay Helen, I watch Hannah Montana by myself. \//WHAT? Get a rope...

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My new friend Peter Pollock hosted a Blog Carnival earlier this month. His topic was obedience. I didn't participate because I was really busy at work, had a sick child, and well, because I'm a slacker at managing my time when I'm overhwhelmed like I was at the time. But I digress.

Today, my other new friend, Bridget Chumbley is hosting a Blog Carnival. Her topic is Trust. And I'm participating! Shocking, I know.

If you'd like to be a part of this carnival or just read what others wrote about Trust, come on over to Bridget's blog and be a part of what we're doing.

Trust...

"It's a large and aggresive tumor. I'm sorry to tell you this, but children rarely survive this type of cancer. She won't survive another two years".

The doctor said that to my husband and I as she came into the consult room to give us an update on our 3 year old daughter's surgery. Earlier that morning, Peyton's CT scans showed a large mass on her right kidney. Surgery was immediately scheduled to remove the kidney and tumor and send them off for biopsy.

And in the moment of hearing the doctor's terrifying words, I thought, "This is it. My daughter is going to die and we are going to be destroyed".

The doctor kept talking about the surgery, the recovery, the stitches needed to sew Peyton back up after she was essentially cut in half, but I wasn't listening. I was praying. I asked God to not let Peyton suffer for the two years we had left. I asked God to not let this ruin our other daughter's life. I asked God to keep our marriage intact since many marriages wouldn't survive the death of a child...

Then, I was in a bubble of silence. There is really no other word to describe it, although over the last 5 years, I've tried to. I found myself unable to hear Lindsay and Dane's anguished cries and the doctor's monotone voice as she leveled our family with the news. Instead, I heard "Do not be afraid Marni. I will use this for My glory". I had never before (and haven't since) heard the audible voice of Jesus, but that day, I know I did. He told me not to be afraid. I decided in that instant to trust His words. He didn't tell me He would spare Peyton's life, but I still chose to trust. And peace that surpasses all understanding flooded into every crevice of my soul and body.

The next 5 years weren't without temporary bouts of fear. We dealt with high fevers, infection, severe weight loss and two very scary scans showing suspicious spots. But I trusted. I chose to set aside the fear and wait for God to carry out His plan and prepared myself to be an entrance for His glory.

Five years later, Peyton is still with us, still cancer free. To Him be the Glory!

* 15 months after hearing God's words, I was driving in a torrential storm on a busy Interstate. I turned on a local Christian radio station to calm my nerves as I prayed. A Casting Crowns song came on I'd never heard before. They sang, "the voice of Truth tells me a different story, the voice of Truth says 'do not be afraid', the voice of Truth says 'this is for My glory'". I cried and cried as I thanked God for His words that day I needed Him more than I ever had. I thanked Him for his affirmation, that although I didn't know what His plan was for Peyton, I should trust Him and never be afraid.

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My friend Wendy is funny. What's even more awesome is she has a funny life. And she shares her funny with us. It's awesome! When she does, she has a Life is Funny carnival on her blog. I never participate. It's a combo of ADD tendencies that cause me to forget my funny moments and therefore not post them and being so sick of the computer when I get home, I don't want to get on it again until work the next day, then I forget, repeat vicious circle ad naseaum...

But check it out! Something funny happended AND I'm blogging about it. Yay!

My hubs and I help coach a 10 and under girls softball team. One of the umps we deal with is a real stickler for safety (which we're grateful for). When he calls our games, I know that we have hard and fast (TWSS!) rules we need to stick to. So Saturday, our girls are playing and Mr. Safety is ump-ing. I turn to the girls in the dugout waiting to bat and say "Hey girls, back up behind the fence or Jonathan (the ump) is gonna fuss at you". Our third basemen hears "Jonathan is gonna cuss at you" and starts telling the others to back it up before Jonathan begins spouting some potty mouth. Now they all look terrified. They back up behind the dugout fence and sit still and quiet as little church mice. When I later realize what the deal was, I'm laughing because of the oh-so-serious debates going on in the dugout about what exactly Jonathan might run over and yell at them.

Come back tomorrow when I participate in a different kind of blog carnival. Yeah, I'm a real Renaissance Woman

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So, this will be abbreviated because I stayed home and played mommy for a lot of this week. But it was a fun Twitter-time all the same. And before I get to the snark, big props to my buddy Billy for his book deal. I'm so proud of you Billy and I can't wait for Snow Day!!!


Without further ado:

katdish @marni71 OMGoogle. Your email cracked me up.

OMGoogle! I cracked @katdish up! Take me now Lord, I've peaked and wanna go out on top (TWSS!)

Dear people who throw their gum on the ground: Jesus loves you! Me? Not so much...

br8kthru @marni71 your pain is my pain. But hey, if there were no stupid people how would smart people feel superior? It's the circle of life... :)

@br8kthru Hakuna Matata Jason...

br8kthru @marni71 I can feel the love tonight...

@br8kthru Me too. And I just can't wait to be king...

From me, to you...a very special FOTTSP post. http://bit.ly/4b6iY4

My nine year old and I are totally rockin out to "Barracuda" on Guitar Hero. Homework is just gonna have to wait!

@weightwhat Did someone say Princess Bride??? I have wuv, twue wuv for that movie!

weightwhat @marni71 As you should! And remember, never get involved with a Sicilian when DEATH is on the line!

@weightwhat You killed my father...prepare to die!

@billycoffey Yeah, I'm like a ninja sometimes. Totally quick and hard to see. That's how I roll.

RT @jasonboyett: A bird in the hand is...well, not something you see everyday. Because how did it get there? Is it safe? So many questions.

A UPS truck just tried to kill me while I was on the highway. "What can Brown do for me?" Not swerving into my lane is a good start.

@br8kthru That's happened to us. I'm our webmaster. When I saw that, I just started updating my resume rather than deal with why ;-)

Swine flu, Tamiflu and sleep...boo hoo! A new post is up. http://bit.ly/38RUcJ

Just listened to one of @br8kthru's songs on his blog. Whoa...he's awesome!!!

@br8kthru You're welcome! I'm listening to more right now as I play "make up work". It's helping me not want to open a vein

@PuriChristos You can't throw "ignore this" stuff at women and expect us to listen. That's like throwing chocolate into a crowd of PMS'ers.

@PuriChristos @redclaydiaries See Nick...I think I just made my point. Sorry Steph, I was a false alarm. Breathe slowly...

@PuriChristos What language are you speaking? Is that techie-geek because I don't understand it. Can you do subtitles maybe?

Ding dong the swine flu's dead...yay!!!

RT @MarketerMikeE: RT @LuvStomp: Chronically complaining about the Church is not Christ focused either.

So @katdish is dealing with an injury and a dead vacuum, and @sarahmsalter and @br8kthru are making stapler/ninja stars. Am I all caught up?

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So my youngest succumbed to H1N1 early this week. And because we are givers, we likely exposed our entire kids program at church to it as well.

It was so weird. Peyton felt just fine all the way to church. Ten minutes later, one of the moms who volunteers with the kids came and found me saying Peyton was sick. I go upstairs and she's laying across two chairs and rocking the "sick eyes" (those of you with kids know what I mean by "sick eyes"...and it's never a good feeling to see it)

We went home and I gave her some Benedryl sinus since her only symptom was a headache. She slept for about 5 hours and when she woke up...102.1 temp. Oh joy.

Daddy took one for the team and stayed home with her on Monday so I wouldn't miss a work meeting. He got her into the doctor promptly. Given her fever, the nurse met him at the door with a mask and quarantined he and Peyton to the "icky germ" side of the waiting room.

The doc initially tested for Influenza A, but it came back negative. So he tested for H1N1, and ding ding ding....we had a winner. Sigh.

Then came the fun part...finding Tamiflu. One pharmacy warned us there was none to be found in a 3-4 zip code radius. Thank goodness my husband called BS on that ;-) and went to another pharmacy in town because they had it. But the catch was, it was a liquid compound they made up. The directions were literally hand written on a Post It note. I was not amused for some reason.

Peyton ran a fever all day Monday...and then, that was it. I know. I'm stunned too. I don't know if this redneck version of Tamiflu was just that good or God knew anything else might send me over the edge into full on insanity...but Peyton had swine flu for literally a day.

I kept her home from school until today. And that was a beating, let me tell you. She felt fine and was sooooo bored. And another fun detail? Tamiflu hyped her up like no other. She didn't sleep. No, really, SHE DIDN'T SLEEP. And since she didn't sleep, she couldn't understand why we did either. Here's a scenario of the last 3 nights of my life:

11pm

(Mom asleep)

Peyton enters the room..."MOM!!!! Can I have a popsicle?"
Me: No. Go to bed Peyton.
Peyton: PUHLEEEEEEEAAAAAASSSSSE. What if I'm dehydrated? I had a fever yesterday!
Me: Fine. Go to bed.

2AM

(Mom very asleep)
Peyton enters the room..."MOM! I just watched the funniest 'Full House'. Guess what Uncle Jessie said?"
Me: Peyton, WHY ARE YOU STILL UP? Go to sleep!
Peyton: I'm not tired. And I'm so bored. Want to play Phase 10?

5AM

(Mom not as much asleep since now I'm jumpy and can't get into REM)
Peyton enters the room..."MOM! Can we go get McDonald's for breakfast? I'm really hungry and we're out of cereal."
Me: Dear Lord, thank you for sparing my child this awful flu...but seriously???

Repeat this scenario 3 times, and welcome to my life.

In all seriousness, I'm glad she's okay. But man, I so need a nap...

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I stole this from Brian Allain and Jason Boyett. For the record, I do support stealing from other blogs...when they tell you it's okay ;-)

Things I Don't Support:

Sagging pants that show your boxers. Seriously. You look dumb.

Littering

Wal Mart. But it's a love/hate thing since I don't live near a good Target

Slow internet access

Bad driving

Pickled beets

Skanky spambots on Twitter

Elementary school car lines

Thong underwear

People who don't speak sarcasm

The US Postal Service

Reality show "stars"

Perez Hilton

This season of House

Last season of Biggest Loser

FASFA forms

Out of Pocket insurance costs. Because our $800 a month premiums aren't enough? Losers.

Diet Dr Pepper

Pomeranians

Humidity

Sprint Mobile

Okay, so what are yours?

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